Reading zen's journal

10-03-2k4
It's two days past my 36th birthday. In a certain epoch in my life, it would be during this disenchanted period of time-- with a margin of two weeks on either side of that date, Oct 1st--that the passing of another year of my life would be sadly marked by a stay in town(s) lock-up. Invariably, a court date, pursuant fine, or probation was the gear turning the cogs and works of my personal life.

I've been off probation, as some of you (in my fan club, thank you yon gooden folk) know, for about 410 days. I have been off probation for over a year. In a number of ways, it was kinda like getting out of jail a year ago. In much of this time, I've been lost, and have felt powerless, but more nebulous--amorphous, as to my direction.

But I was lost. Maybe I still am, but now I'm working, and have at least started working on some ideas for a movie--might never happen, but at least I have a handle on that project. I've back-burnered it for the time being. I'm working on writing an awesome story, with help from a few others, on Literotica.com.

Here's the thing, I know I've wanted to--needed to--make movies for a while, but the task of starting the screenplay was seemingly too big. Here comes Mary, a virgin Mistress (virgin at playing on), and I started thinking about the characters I'm introducing, and how they're going to enter a room, and I give them actual dialog, and presto, I now have the script for a movie. Granted, it would be a porno; but dam, it would be a great porno.

I'm not saying that I actually have a direction now, although I could believe i did. I'm just trying to say that I feel more comfortable with myself, and things these days. My life with my partner is going very well. Mostly that's attributed to our uneasy agreement that he's gonna let me get blunted if it improves my mood--boom, shit, I'll be a motherfucker if it hasn't done just that.

Do I feel better cause things are genuinely better in my life, or are things going better cause I feel better? Hard to say. Don't really care either. I just try to appreciate every free minute I allow myself, to disengage, and do what I want to do, sans others' stress.

I think one of the good things that I've done is to come over here in the last year. I think my anniversary with NAO is coming up soon. I'll add this to my list of successes, as I've had quite a few people pushing me to come back over here and check in. So there it is...me being selfish yet agin. One Thousand pardons.

I've actually got more shit to talk about, but I just got the new Sims for my birthday, and I'm dying to check it out.

Oh, btw, the post from the other day: www.netalive.org/journals/zen,

is my thoughts directed to a player in this drama:
4degrees

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

Hello, nice to see you. :-)

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

It's nice to be seen.

I like your avatar too.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

I like your avatar too.

Thanks. :-)
Will you stay here for a while?

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

Well, that is a good question.
What I'm trying to do is budget my time better so that I can get in a few muinutes with each place I post, as well as be able to take care of the off-line stuff I do.

I've always been bad at keeping track of my friends and acquaintences. I need to make a more betterer effort to write some everyday, even if it's for only 1 hour.

So, that's the plan, rather than the excuses

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

As NULL has asked, please stay a while and post more. I've always enjoyed reading what you have to say. I've been in a terrible writing slump and need to read more of your poetry. I've always liked your style. And another thing, what is the deal with litkicks.com? They've done gone and changed everything. I really miss the poetry boards. Seems life is just not the same when I cannot go post to litkicks...

Anyway Zen, I really look forward to reading more of you. Please don't be shy!

Right, me too. Judih told me to go over there. There have a "writing challenge" based on some togetherness themes. I happened to reply to Judih's post; it's all about the timing.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second