Reading Babygirls_Babydolls's journal

I am gonna talk about me. Right now at this point in my life my heart is not where it should be, my heart is focused on me.. Kinda sad if you meditate on that.. So me, I have been bored lately bored with myself.. What am I doing in life?? How could I be doing according to Gods plan? I appear to be a waste of a good space I wake at 6:30 get Dylan ready for school, then put the boy on da bus, I clean house, then I sleep till 2:00, I then wake, shower and get da boy by off the bus at 2:50... Very dull if you ask me.. I need a life really I do.. I have considered working. Boy if you think about it that would be awesome.. My mate has left me the car as we have only one car and I start thinking, what if you get a job and you don't like it... I know you working people must be thinking oh well I hate working to but I do it... I am grateful that I am able to stay at home and am kinda scared of working again... My lil Boy is 9 years old and is in the 4th grade... He is getting older now.. I have taken up several hobbies in the last 2 weeks.. I have kinda slacked off CC3 for awhile... I listen in while online but rarely get on nowadays.. Lately when I go to CC3 it seems Childish to me not really childish but it does not fill me with anything.. I hope all of you understand that I need to learn something and lately i am not.. I just figure I am seeking in the wrong ways.. So, I was telling yall I have started some new hobbies.. I am making a blanket out of yarn.. Its gonna be pretty I tell ya. I have about 4 more purple squares to sew on and I will be done.. Actually I tell ya this isn't a new hobby. I started this blanket about a year ago I have also been reading alot.. i never realized that the arthor Danielle Steele was as good as she is... I have read about 5 of her books lately..I think that she is the first arthor that has made me laugh and cry at a book.. All of her books are mainly written about people being in accidents and stuff...Weird how some arthors are I like V.C Andrews books to. Her books are just about all the same 2... I am just going on and on what other hobbies am I doing? Let me think we got us a pool table. So, I been playin pool alot

If any of you really know or chat with me you know why my name is what it is Babygirls_babydolls... I don't talk about it much but I will today..Since I am talking about me For 10 years I babysat never really enjoying what I did nor any of the 100's of kids that I watched.. I loved my baby I enjoyed being with him and that is why I babysat.. All I ever wanted was a baby and I had him. I just always felt i wanted to keep him more protected and loved than we were as children (not that I was not loved beyond measure)..
In 2001 My mate and I had been together 5 years and had not had a child yet.. We had been trying for a babygirl for about 2 years with no luck at that.... In July I meet a Girl about 19 or 20 years old that needed a babysitter for her 10 month old... The girl looked nice and respectable. She worked for a computer company and drove a nice new car. Her lil girl was a babydoll she had Blonde hair and blue eyes.. In the first 10 mnths of keeping this baby my family fell in love with her... She loved us my son treated her like a little sister and she looked to him as a brother.. My mate loved her so he said I did love her. Her dipar is the only dipear i have ever changed.. When he would take my son off he would also take her.. She talked so well At 20 months she stared saying terrible things... The babies mother kicked the babys father out of thier apartment and moved a boyfriend in.. The baby girl had me convinced she was being abused.. She hated going home. she would scream I want chew Hope ( I want you Hope )
I would lay awake several nights crying and praying for and because of her... I loved her so much i felt in my heart she was my secret little angel.. When I looked at her I felt she looked into my soul... I told the babys mom I felt like this new boyfriend was being abusive to the baby... This continued with my crying till she turned 25 mnths about 5 months Then I confronted her mother again..I says look i have talked with you before she is saying weird things about your boyfriend and now she is having bad marks all over her.. I believe he is abusing her...She says Hope I am quitting my job I am staying hope with Victoria and I am gonna see what happens i can't stand the thought of you thinking i am abusing her...I cried to her please DO NOT LEAVE HER WITH HIM... 2 Months later on Christmas night i get a call from the little girls mom.. She says, "Hope Victorias dead" I didn't believe her she just said It so calm Victorias dead..i says are you serious she says yes Victoria passed away at 11:45 this morning but I really believe she died the day before that.. I said what happened she says she had abrain tumor and died....I started crying and she says i just figured victoria would want you to know and then she invited me to her funeral... I was crushed my baby was dead i knew in my heart when she told me that she died of a brain tumor that she lied... He killed her the moms boyfriend.. On the way to the funeral we stop at the gas station and as you walk in the doors the newspaper sits glarring at you... Man Suspected Of Murder and my babys picture posted on headlines...

One day when I have another good long time to type I will tell you how I overcome the pain of losing her... But we are back to talking about my hobbies... I have felt for years he is the one God chosen me to talk to (the one that killed the baby..he is in jail) I have never really known what to say to him and it has been almost 2 years since her death... I never really hated this guy... I just have always been pulled toward contacting him.. He is in Jail by the way (sentenced 14 yrs to life). I have prayed every night for him in my prayers.. This family touched me though they hate me now (trust me they do i saw the grandma at the store Though I told her also he was abusing her). I pray that he accepts Jesus as his Lord and Saviour and that he would call upon him for his needs... yesturday I come up with it.. I am on page 20 now thats alot Its kinda like a letter. actually it is a letter but it is composed of nothing but Bible Verses.. It felt good and right doing that..because I never knew what to say to him or approach him though I feel God calling me to do it

Well anyway thats what I been doing I will try to spell check but who knows

LOVE YALL
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~ Babygirls_babydolls ~

Hope Willingham ~ Babygirls_babydolls ~ " Two men stand in prison bars, one sees mudd the ot