Reading zen's journal

I too, Salvial 10, ana lurker, and a stalker. Although, me thinks, it's hard to be a true stalker if not actually reading one or a select few posts by favorites.

At anyrate, for those keeping track, I'm stone cold sober, and writing. Mostly cause I'm out, but even in my thc-addled thoughts, I still realize (a) that I smoke way too much, and (2) that I manage to function better on a number of levels, when it comes to producing readable work. Problem is, with whatever shade of "depression" I have, my "rationing" mind convinces me that it's practically futile to post, or read anyone's work...or heck, just to get motivated.

Basically, for those 10 of you still following along, I am of a very split accord in relation to my usage of pot. It does things that a good anti-depressant should do. But on the flip side, it does things to me that I don't like: forgetfullness, becoming tired, sapping my energy, suppression of rational or loghical thought. The balance is a hard one to keep on the front burner.

Truth be told, I just love to smoke, and it's really that simple. I tend to overdo it; point is that self-medication, even if pot was the ideal thing, in the correct quantity, it would still produce a bad effect on me, generally speaking, as I just love smoking.

I'm not drinking, still, these days. This is a good thing. Smoking hasn't wanted to make me drink. I don't see that the two are irrevocably linked. However, THC definitely lowers my rightful reluctance to abstinence. But in that arena, I don't drink because it's a poison to me; to anyone, really. I think that the average, or at least healthy-thinking, individual realises this. It seems reasonable that this is the main reason why s/he doesn't get drunk very often. Alcohol is basically poison to the human's system. Even if just reacting to the fucked-upedness that it takes one, and the average, reasoning person, seeing that he is almost completely out of control when she or he drinks, is not inclined to drink often, or heavy when he does.

I'm again reminded by those around me, not dissuaded by my bullshit and misdirected thinking, that both pot and alcohol are drugs, and can be dangerous. In the case of pot, it's dangerous, mostly because it's illegal. But they're both dangerous because they have side-effects. So too do "approved," officially prescribed medications; but that's for another discussion. I'm just staying on topic with marijuana and alcohol.

I had a few minutes to post, so I did. Hopefully I'll be back so I can finish off this train of thought. (And post to that thing about the Cauldron of Words.)

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second