Reading Martin's journal

Oct 18, 2004 12:51 # 27886

Martin *** posts about...

Monday, October 18th, 2004

100% | 7

I'm walking down the aisle in the shopping mall. I got no idea how I came here or what I want, I'm just here. People are moving strangely hectic and staccato, like in those early silent movies. Or is it me, who's moving in slow motion? My hearing is sort of numb, everything's just coming in as through a pile of cotton wool. I see faces in my blurred vision. Faces of people rushing by from a nameless origin to another nameless destination doing some useless, insignificant stuff. There are emotions to read on their faces, do they read mine as well? No, if so, someone would stop by.

There is a couple walking hand in hand, laughing about something he said. They're looking into each others eyes and kiss, I feel the urge to vomit. There is a woman, old, with a stoney face, carrying to huge plastics bags left and right. All she wants is to be out of here, rushing by and killing others by her look, who are in her way. There is a young Daddy with a child in a buggy. He's bending down to his kid and smiles at it, while he cleans its face with a tissue. He's so proud of his kid, and I know so well, what he feels. I could just steal the buggy, no?

I'm walking by a coffeehouse, people sitting on the aisle at small tables of glass. There is a guy burying his face in a newspaper, another table with a red haired woman frowning into her coffee cup, which she holds half way to her lips, is she thinking about the argument with her lover last night? Three young guys to the right in tidy suits, post-yuppies, who all look like being cloned. They don't have anything to tell, but are trying desperately to avoid to look at each other. Another couple, mid aged, tourists most likely, who are struggling to keep their two boys at the table. Mum is getting angry and hisses something across the table, one can see the lightning in her eyes, and oh wonder, the boy is suddenly sitting upright and quiet, which doesn't interest Dad at all, who's just staring at the next table, where a young woman in a short skirt and black stockings is having a cup of tea. She's just looking around relaxed and a lil bit provoking. I meet her gaze, but I cant hold it, her green eyes burn holes into my head. I dont want anyone to see my swollen eyes, sticky by the dried salt, so I turn my head away and take another step forward, and another.

Its hard, somehow I have to give orders for my legs to move and they obey only reluctantly. How I wish to have the feeling back, when I felt whole, united and strong, knowing, where I belong. I'm scared to walk on. What lies ahead is nothing but frightening darkness, but I order my legs to move on and on and on. There is a door to pass, first open it, walk through and close it again. That leaves behind everything that was, but as well everything that could have been. Isn't that strange? How can you leave something behind that never happened? Anyway... the cold and rainy Autumn pulls at my clothes. Finally! I dont need to control my tears no more. May the fierce wind take this empty hull and dissolve it into atoms, there's no more use for it anyway, everything is better than this.

After decades of construction my website is finally up an running:

This post was edited by Martin on Oct 18, 2004.

Oct 18, 2004 20:34 # 27912

null throws in his two cents...

Re: Monday, October 18th, 2004

I could just steal the buggy, no?

Hmm, but once you're the proud owner of a screaming little nappies shitter, what could you do with it?

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

Oct 18, 2004 22:04 # 27914

Martin *** replies...

Re: Monday, October 18th, 2004

?% | 1

Owner? Do?
Watching her grow, the blend of two unique personalities coming alive as someone even more unique, someone, who would have had the chance to be an outstanding proof for the odds of the impossible. But Shari wont get that chance no more, I'm afraid.

After decades of construction my website is finally up an running:

Oct 19, 2004 03:09 # 27929

ginsterbusch *** replies...

Re: Monday, October 18th, 2004

But Shari wont get that chance no more, I'm afraid.

So what happened to this person (child?) you're talking about?

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Oct 19, 2004 07:35 # 27932


Re: Monday, October 18th, 2004

Oh, sorry, I didn't want to hit a nerve or something. Apologies for my ignorance.

When life hands you a lemon, that's 40% of your RDA of vitamin C taken care of.

This post was edited by null on Oct 19, 2004.

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