Reading shakylegs's journal

Wierd mood today, why is it that songs and smells remind you of things. I love it but today i hated it. You would have thought after three years i would have forgotten. Today i heard him through a song he was haunting me. At first i liked it i was younger but i was vunerable then it kicked in i cried that morning too much. I liked that sound why is it ruined, why couldnt the sound have not existed or does that mean he would have haunted me through silence! I can be glad if so as this sound was loud as it woke me and then i cried. Three years ago december 21st.Deleted memory. (Laughs) wish it was that easy, it didnt hurt it does now.
I dont know why but i really want to know who is it? Who is it that never lets you down? I hope i get some replys in my post and if so it will be interesting if they really belief that there is someone or something that will never let them down.
I dont know what to believe i believe that you can find it, i know i will, but i also believe that not everyone does. I trust noone because so far everything has let me down. Last year i was ok i thought i had it, then shit began and it stirred and now i cant read myself, that why i want to write this journal, wish i did when i joined, because i have forgotten that feeling. And i hate and pity those who feel it as they are in for a ride, that is unless its just me and a few others, i would like to believe that is the case but everyone is affected, because thats life and to me no matter what it always lets you down, but i know whats to live for and that is the ups. I live for the ups, therefore i survive through the downs, but its not just the trip down its the memory that follows, today my word is development!

Can't think what to say...

Three years ago december 21st.Deleted memory. (Laughs) wish it was that easy

wish i could delete memories too, but its are past that makes us who we are! and if it is this spirit you hate then at least its not yourself!

believe the unbelieveable

I dont hate myself always but its no spirit hes alive but i dont want him dead i couldnt wish that on anyone even though he is a bad person

Can't think what to say...

I agree with Salmon .. It's the past that makes us who we are so dont try to erase it .. rather learn from it ..

Life is meant to be a rollercoaster .. a journey, sometimes with more downs than ups. But remember that your learning .. remember that what ever happens, it bloody well happens for a good reason ... remember that one day you will find it .. and even though you might have to go through huge or more than that amount of faliures .. tests and what not.. that in the end it will be worth while.. In the end you will understand and appreciate trully what you are looking for..

As for your question .. who is that one person that never lets you down... There is not a single soul in the world that can do that unless you let them..

It's all comes down to expectations .. you expect too much and people don't live up to them and so your let down.. hell I bet you've even let yourself down a couple of times too.

If your really upset with everyone not meeting any of your expectations then I suggest you just drop it.. stop expecting feelings and things from people .... But then life becomes lonely and more hostile ..

So simply put.. life your life as it comes.. expect from people who you think are worth it .. and if they fail you ... then dont beat yourself up about ...

This crazy thing that you've got going there ..

It's Life!

It's the past that makes us who we are so dont try to erase it

sorry, i also agree with salmon, but what what happened changed me in a bad way and i'm scared of certain things surely if erasing it meant that fear would go it would be better to delete that memory.

Remember that what ever happens, it bloody well happens for a good reason ... Remember that one day you will find it

so basically i deserved it, is that what you mean? I can't be angry at you, but see it from my point of view i went through a traumatic experience and i was reminded of it.

As for your question .. Who is that one person that never lets you down... There is not a single soul in the world that can do that unless you let them..

I really loved this, i never saw that question with that point of view, but i still think there is someone, who is it, even if i let them let me down they wont, but hey i'm not looking.

This crazy thing that you've got going there

can you explain this last comment please.

Can't think what to say...

but what what happened changed me in a bad way and i'm scared of certain things surely if erasing it meant that fear would go it would be better to delete that memory.

Allright .. you have a fear associated with a memory. (I'm not sure of what your situation is) I don't know.. I've always been taught to overcome what ever fears I have because it's always a psycological thing. I can't explain it well since I don't really know what happened to you...

so basically i deserved it, is that what you mean? I can't be angry at you, but see it from my point of view i went through a traumatic experience and i was reminded of it.

No, thats totally the opposite of what I meant. Everything happens for a reason .. 2 good reasons of which I can think of.

1. Because of Karma (what goes around comes around)

2. Because life is a learning experiance.. what ever happens to you, bad or good, the point it - your supposed to learn from it.

Isnt the whole point of incidents happenening - is to learn from it. OR you could be one of those people who could take the whole thing in a wrong way and run away from it the rest of your life. Obviously there are going to be reminders, if it wasnt that song, it would be something else. My point is .. are you going to keep going blue and depressed everytime something like that has happened.

I wouldnt expect you to completly have no emotion.. but throw yourself off track.

can you explain this last comment please.

I meant.. this whole crazy thing you have going here... its lIfe..

There will always be thing that will throw you off balance and make you fall... Now it's up to you - what do you want to do? Stay there fallen and examine your wounds or dust yourself off and start walking again?