Reading Aynjell's journal

I don't want to fall into a romantic relationship taht will sweep me (or her) into a world of passion. I just want to find somebody who I can relate to, and confide in when I am sad, and share my joy with when I am happy. I want someone tangible, that feels the same way about me regardless of my geekiness.
I need someone who loves me, not how I look or act, but someone who has found that their spirit is restless without me, and overjoyed around me.
I need someone that will keep me sane. I don't know why but my spirit is crying out for that right now. A lot of my thoughts are revolving that concept, and a beautiful young lady in general, whom I had talked to from time to time, but now has found herself in one of my classes.
I don't know why, but it is tearing me up inside.

I should be ashamed of myself.

EVERYBODY IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S WEIRDO

I really believe that. I am not really responding you to give you any out of this world advise. I cant. I am not some great writer that makes you feel like there is a meaning to all this hurt and heart ache. I am not. I am one girl. Who has had her share of lies and heart aches. Only one heart break. knock on wood....

I think everyone is looking for that. I want the same thing you want. Alot of people sit down and just say they want a relationship but you and I have mastered the thought so much that we have sized it down to a T and we know exactly what we are looking for. He need to get out more... :)

So here it is. The 2004 edition of what I want...

I want someone who loves me for me. All my stupid comments and dorky moments.
I want someone who will go fishing with me and go hiking with me and have the best time ever. Laughing and beig silly and still thinking that he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in the world.
I want a man who asks me what is wrong and really cares. Offers advise and a shoulder to cry on when needed.
I want to be there for him. I want him to be so excited to come see me just to tell me any thing.
I want to be his best friend and his girlfriend.and same for me
I want to know that he can go out and do whatever he wants where ever he wants and I have nothing to worry about and same for him on me.
I want security and trust and love. I want him to think I am the greatest girlfriend ever. And me with him

I think right now thats all I want. I am not too needy right?

Ok... Now the mission is to wait and see if I find that person.

Life is full of uncertainty and risk. Take chances. You might regret it if you dont.

You see the problem, as candid as it was, we do need to get out more. We can't just wait for that someone to come along. You have to chase that person down, and let them know that you like them, well, not so bluntly, but get to know them. That is something that I am tryig for the first time in my life.

I should be ashamed of myself.

Yeah, but they say love can't be sought. I learnt that painfully last year.

Now, I don't say that all I do is sit in my room and wait for that perfect person, because clearly life just doesn't allow that person to come knocking straight on my door. But life does allow us enough breathing space under all that pain you feel in your spirit when it cries out for you to just get on and keep going with your every day tasks. It's a bugger I know.

I thought I found that person you spoke of...the one that's overjoyed when they are with you and shares the same energy/magic/sense of joy/life, what ever you want to call it, as you do. But I found out soon after that although they were a wonderful person and had a great sense of humour and a lot of other appealing qualities, they didn't have any form of belief. They didn't believe in the spirit you spoke of before. I didn't understand how had managed to fall for some man that I thought couldn't possibly live without The Spirit because how he acted and who he was. But it wasn't there...and slowly that hurt me...

So with all my heart, be careful, it hurts a great deal more when your heart is let down after satisfying that craving for a nearly soulmate.

But with all my heart, when you find them, may you be the hapiest man on this dear earth. May you be the King of all hearts and Joy.

Awakening is natural. Delusion is not.

I didn't see!

Love jumped on me, i wasn't looking, i wasn't ready, but it found me and the feeling of seeing and loving someone that is so beautiful and perfect, combined with the feeling of the pain of love was something i miss so much. I still love him, but not like i first did. It's been nearly a year this christmas that we split and well i cant and wont get over him but i really want that somebody everybodies talking about and i'm afraid that love only ever finds you once, so does this mean i have to go searching?

I thouhgt when i saw your lists that i want one so here it is:

1.Someone who feels the same strong magic i feel
2.Someone who understands me for who i am
3.Someone who loves my every fault
4.Someone who rememebers the necessary
5.Someone who forgets the unnecessary
6.Someone who makes me feel the way i deserve as a human being to feel
7.Someone who never lets me down
8.Someone who can see my pain and protect and confort me
9.Someone who respects my needs as a lover
10.Someone who i can do all the above with

Can't think what to say...