Reading harold_maude's journal

I'm trying to get some semblance of order to my life these days.
A routine that is flexable and will make the best use of the time before me.

I've discovered the need for things that I don't have to rely on anyone else for.
Depending on people to do their part in making something work is not always so depenable.

The job I have has driven that point home. Several times last week things came up at the last minuet and I ended up having to do something someone else was suppose to do. Needless to say the work I had to get done, didn't get done completely.
The first time it happened it didn't bother me too much, but when it kept happening, I started getting angry because I was put in a possition that I shouldn't have been.

I know I'm not the only person out there who has had this experience. It's maddening when it happens because it creates unnessary stress and messes with the day big time.

So as a result I've decited that in my own life I need things that I don't have to depend on anyone else for.

I think it will help give me a feeling of some kind of security that has been lacking for a while.

I found out when I took this job that the expectations that came with it were extreemly high, and I've worked hard to not only meet the expectations but exceed them.
I have come to the conculsion that if things keep happening the way they have been and I'm doing everything I can to make things be what their suppose to be, and nothing changes, then I need to find a new job.

I've been told that I'm the first person in a very long time who has held this possition that actually cares what happens and is actually doing somthing to effect change.
What I'm running into is apathy, on several key people's part.
That is a nasty monster to try to conquor. It's kind of like trying to raise up a dead horse.

I also found out that no one wants the job I have because it requires so much in a very short amount of time. After being here for just a little while, and running into the problems I have I can understand why no one wants the job.

A few days ago I talked to a couple of people who had this job before me and they spent most of their time angry and frustrated and finally gave up and walked away from it.
At the present time I believe I have what it takes to make the nessessary changes so that it will be different, but as I've discovered, I can only do so much. And I know that's what's led to the realization I need things in my personal life that are dependant on me doing them. At least I know I can count on me to do them.
It will help with the stress and take away some of the feeling of madness that goes with this job.

I hope I'm right about this. I would hate to go bald from this job. I don't have a perfectly round head so me with no hair would look pretty funny.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.