Reading NiQuE's journal

Three months ago I was cast into an unbelievable darkness filled with complete sorrow, regret, and utter, sickening dispair. I know how I got there, it was all my fault...Hence the regret. And that was the worst part of it all, knowing that the reason you feel so much pain is because of something you yourself did. I feel like part of me is slowing coming to the surface after this long period of horrendousness. Another part seems to be gone forever, locked away, burried under past feelings of hate and jealousy...I can't seem to float above all of the lies and deception that I was put through...I want to rise so bad...

I don't know if time will heal these wounds and allow me to be at peace with the events of the past... What if I can't get over it? What if I am consumed by this continuous feeling of untrustworthiness? How can you possibly have a relationship with someone who lied to you, and tore your heart from your very chest? And how can you get over the fact that the reason they did this is all because of you tearing their heart out to begin with...?

All seems well. Things turned out the way I wanted them to...I have you back. We say we are both happy, and I know we are...But when will my resentment and anger disappear? How do I put these thoughts behind me for good?

When will I stop dreaming about you being with her...And when will I stop sinking?

Of all the things that I have lost in my life, it's my mind that I miss the most.