Reading harold_maude's journal

The sky is a brilliant blue. No clouds in the sky which at this late hour of the day is a pitty because that means the tempature will be droping as night falls and it will keep droping into the hours of darkness.

I'm exausted. A normal state of existance after working. It takes a couple of days of rest to get enough energy built back up to deal with the next long days that are comming.

Went into the place were I work today to show one of the people who work there some of my art.
The person who teaches watercolor there was present, and so I showed the peices I brought in. It felt like I was parading a part of my soul.
It was aweful. That feeling. I've learned that there are some places I don't want to touch parts of me.

It feels like I'm standing in front of moving cars when I do.
An emotionally expensive lesson.

Work is simply work. I need to keep the things that I value away from there. I realized that after I did a demonstration of how I work in the media that I do, and the attitude of passing people that this place was no place to put a part of me out there.
I had thought that maybe I could, in one brief chunk of time open some doors of some kind. But I was wrong.

Now I hope that the remaining two classes don't go. I don't want to further cause any damage to this part of me.

Art and my soul, heart, and spirit are very intertwined. I'm not just a good technition as some out there are. I don't believe that art of value just follows some kind of set of rules that when you do them then presto you have art.

I believe that kind of "art" is the same cousin to elevator music and no one is touched or changed by it's presence and it essentally causes irreversable damage to people's perception of their own creativity and the art world in general.

It's kind of like the people who have used and abused certian things so much, that in order to stop the abuses, rules are set in place to stop them and when someone who is in need comes along they are the ones to suffer the concequences.

So now I've resigned myself to continuing my studies in art in private. If I never take it out anywhere it's not important. I've felt that way for a long time, and now those feelings are even stronger.

I've also made another decision. After the first of the year, I'm going to look for another job. I like the people I work with, but my convictions concerning corporations and the people I encounter every day, like little leaches they are, that I can't keep working there.
Outside of the kids I work with, the adults that come in are so afraid of their own creativity that they take and take and take, and don't care about what they are doing in their wake.

If nothing comes up then I will have to change my approach to how I work there.
I will have to become this ugly hard ass who is cold and not caring about anything but what's in their wallet.
And that sucks big time.

Well, that's the moment for today. I wish I could get back to writing observations like I was doing for a long time. I like being an observer rather than a participant in a meat grinder.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.