Reading JBunforgettable's journal

Dec 26, 2004 07:42 # 30500

JBunforgettable * posts about...

All things forgotten and remembered...

Sorry, this is a bit long...

I'm back from being away for awhile. Life is busy I guess... Excuses excuse, I know.
**********

Something Corporate:: "Forget December"

on christmas morning
outside it was pouring
all was hopeless in this home
and no one speaking
no one creeping
to see if she was on the phone
and you were quiet
this routine riot is all but practical to me
and if we see it why can't we be it?
can we let eachother be?

forget december
it won't be better than i remember it before
and this month only
would be so lonely
and not so homely anymore

new years eve came
but nothing had changed
all the problems just got worse
we sat in silence
the routine science could heal the sickness we reherse
and if im talking
my words are mocking
the deaf ears they have fallen on
these words are tainted
with years of jaded
in a sense thats all but gone

forget december
it won't be better than i remember it before
and this month only
would be so lonely
and not so homely anymore..
anymore...anymore...anymore...

forget december
it won't be better than i remember it before
and this month only
would be so lonely
and not so homely anymore

forget december
it won't be better than i remember it before
a silent night won't feel quite right
its not so silent anymore..
anymore...anymore...anymore...

on christmas morning
outside it was pouring
all was hopeless in this home
**********

That was last year. That song summed it up. Although the desperado and such lasted throughout the whole chaotic year. Now our little fake christmas tree glimmers in the corner of my eye, and the eleven o'clock news is faint in the background with my mom asleep on the couch...
Maybe, as I open my eyes for a minute on this trip abandon, leaving everything we once knew was real. Or unreal. Either way it was reassuring. So, anyway. Maybe, as I open my eyes, I think to myself that this hell is over. That the tears are gone. Maybe, just maybe, even though family is forgotten, and we are an island of four, we realize we don't need a rescue boat. Maybe.
But we remembered. The sensitive, not quite healed scars that held back the flood... Well, they were torn again and this daughter is unable to quell the fears and soothe the tears.
It's hard to swallow as a cold threatens my chest, and as I take a harsh swig of water, I wish I could just blare my Elvis Costello again. Open the doors, run outside in the rain. Spin like a crazy little kid until I slip and fall, then revel in the shameless release of all things remembered and forgotten.
~*~*~

Funny, maybe. Ironic?... Harsh. Raw. Driving home on some lone road [[one we've been driving on all my life. Foss or Bond or something of the like]], it's late, and I'm tired. Fog and such. All things eerie and beautiful. Here comes the turn to come onto Treefarm [[the connecting road to Rachel's Lane...]]
Hey, mom, you'd better slow down, I think to myself. You won't make the turn going this fast. I look over at mom. Her eyes are busy. She's watching the road but she's so far away. No, she hasn't forgotten... I have. My throat tightens and my heart pounds.

How the hell do you forget something like that?


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