Reading NiQuE's journal

Christmas...

I think that Christmas in general died when I found out Santa was one big lie. There are so many lies that revolve around Christmas that it is incredibly hard to enjoy it...

I went to my grandparents home for Christmas this year. I was definately looking forward to seeing my extended family (whom I only see a few times per year). On the other hand they live in an extremely remote town in an extremely remote area. The nearest "major" centre is 45 minutes away and has approximately 30,000 people that reside there. Not a very big place indeed. The town where my grandparents live has approximately 100 people that live there, and that number decreases every year with everyone that passes away...

Anyways, I wanted to see my family but I didn't want to sit in a vehicle for 16 hours to travel there and I definately didn't want to stay in this town of 100 people for more than an hour... But hey, it was Christmas and thats just the way it happened.

Unfortunately it was horrible... Not only was it more boring than I expected (the usual conversation with members of my family began with "how is work?" or, "geeze, it is cold outside!") but it was one huge lie. Everyone in my family talks about everyone else, and then when we get together we all "talk" to one another as if everything is fine and dandy. Its disgusting! I feel like we all get together because everyone feels like we have to do it because it is the "thing" to do at Christmas time. We all sit around and eat incredibly delicious food and stare at eachother. I have come to the realization that the food might be the only reason why we are all there. Because its definately not because of the enlightening conversation......

The worst part of it all is no one really knows who I am. No one knows that I have a girlfriend that I love and want to marry, and if they did know they would shun me from the family. The more I think about it, the less I care. Our family is one huge lie, would it really be so bad if I disappeared? I doubt it.

Of all the things that I have lost in my life, it's my mind that I miss the most.