Reading Bunk's journal

A quick jingle is playing in the background, with funky bass and 70's style wah guitar.

Dr. Love: Hello my gorgeous radio callers. Are you ready for an evening of Dr. Love? Oh yes you are. I can tell by the smell. Oh my. Now let me tell you something, my ready callers. I just spilled hot, hot coffee all over myself. Oh my. That hot, hot coffee is everywhere on Dr. Love. My salty listeners, your sexy Dr. Love is a big steaming city of first degree burns. Oh my. Let's get to a caller before I pass out. Caller 1, your name is De-braaaahhh, and you are a great big machine of love. Talk to me.

Debra: Dr. Love, while we're drinking coffee, I'd like to ask you a question about food.

Dr. Love: Are you hungry, do you want to eat a meal? Oh, but you better be a starved Ethiopian orphan, because no other person could be hungry enough for a meal at the Dr. Love feedorama. Are you a starved Ethiopian, Debra love?

Debra: Um... anyway, my boyfriend is coming over to my house tonight for Valentine's, and I'm wondering what kind of meal I should cook for him.

Dr. Love: Mmm, Debra, this question is right where Dr. Love wants it. The first thing you serve up to your chum, as an appetizer for the whole delicious feast, is a pair of plump melons. Make it one holy Honeydew, and one karmic Cantelope, because if you Cantelope, you can still Honeydew it baby. Oh my. What next, Debra love? Are you aching to know? What would you do to know what's next, sugarsweet? Would you climb to the top of Mt. Kilmanjaro with a colony of fire-ants in your armpits, just to hear what's next?

Debra: Most likely a combination of cold temperatures and lack of oxygen would kill the ants off before I reached the top.

Dr. Love: You are right Debra hunk. Now, it's time for the main course. Hot dogs. As many hot dogs as that chum of yours is man enough to eat. Stuffed with the biggest sausage you can get, but the type of bun is all up to you. The sliced kind, or the rolled kind? And in each of the sliced kind, a single red jawbreaker candy. Because chewing on a jawbreaker candy hurts and gets you nowhere, so the only to do is suck on it till it melts. Oh my. And that's the meal of Love. Mmm hmm.

Debra: But what about dessert?

Dr. Love: Why Debra my big-buttoned teddy bear, for dessert you move to another kitchen and serve the whole thing over again. Oh my. That was Debra folks, an absolute robot of love. The coffee is a cold blanket on Dr. Love, and my skin seems to be getting oh so numb, so I'll change into something less uncomfortable, and wait for Caller number 2...

But I can't find no place or nothin', where thrills are cheap, and love is divine

This post was edited by Bunk on Feb 14, 2005.