Reading Love and Lifesense

My husband and i were laying in bed and i suggested inviting another woman to our bed, biggest mistake ever!! We have never experienced anything like that before.. Being married only one year and i was six months pregnant at the time, i dont know what i was thinking..Totally stupid on my part.

He was all for it, i asked my life long friend if she would, she agreed. Two days prior to her arrival, i changed my mind, i had time to think i dont want to share him.. I expressed my feelings to him he got upset, wouldnt talk to me, kept trying to call her and that made me angry, he didnt take my feelings into consideration. I told him i loved him and this may damage our relationship..Boy i had no clue!!!

I thought ok, shes not better looking than me, and after her 9 hour drive to my place, he wasnt into her looks.. Boy was i happy, thinking nothing will happen. I was wrong.

He sat outside with three friends drinking beer most of the day until around 5 that evening he came in and told her he wanted to show her something..And she followed. After five minutes i went to the bedroom and he was ontop of her both butt naked. He didnt move, he looked at me and smiled and she said to me "ive been telling him to let me up, i want to go to my daughter" (which was in the living room) i told him get off of her now, as he raised up he tried to push himself inside of her.. I got soo sick to my stomach.. I didnt know what to do.

They left the room and sat across from one another at the kitchen table, he wouldnt look at me, his eyes totally focused on her, she would look at me and then him.. I was feeling so hurt and confused. He then told her come on lets go back into the bed room and she accepted. I was just in shock the whole time. I felt scared for some reason, really a strange feeling.

I called my sister cause i was so hurt, i just wanted to leave this nightmare..She told me to call the police and if i dont she will, because kids were there and i was pregnant. So i did call.. When the police arrived they had me knock on the bedroom door, he opened it smiling and butt naked. I said i need to get my things, im leaving. I went into the other bedroom to bag my kids belongings and my friend walked in redface buttoning her shorts, started raising her voice to me and of course i started raising my voice at her. I told her to leave the room, get out, he comes in turns his back to me and puts both hands on each of her arms and tells her "come on ..." I got even more angry and i pused him... He didnt budge cause he is a big man. I got arrested for putting my hands on him.

My friend started crying telling the officer not to arrest me. While i was in the cruiser, he sat on the porch with her talking to another officer, she went into the house to get her bags and her daughter so she could leave on her 9 hr trip home, while inside he was telling her not to leave..She did anyways. He came to where i was in the cruiser and told me it was over and all my belongings will be packed up in my van. I said ok

after one night in jail, my sister drove 9 hrs to bail me out. He wasnt able to because of the law. Even if he was i dont believe he would have. So i left back to my home state with my sister. On the way i called him from a pay phone. I asked him if he had called her, he said yes, when she left out he called her cell but she wouldnt answer, he said the reason was because he wanted her help to bail me out, he had never done it before.

I made him threeway her without her knowing and the only thing she asked was if he heard anything about me.. He said yes he had talked to my sister and i was on the way home.

I spoke to her and him at different times and they both said that in the bedroom he was unable to perform because he only had a semi. He did give her oral and he used a toy on her. He also told her "i want you". He went into detail of what happened between them and she only gave lil detail but their stories matched. He included that she had a cute private area and he bet if he could of been erect he could of made her feel like he has made me feel... That wasnt needed for me to hear.

He blames me for it all..He says its my fault. He wants me to come back to him and swears he loves me. Well if it is my fault i have paid the price..I felt so ashamed walking in the door of my parents house, plus my attorney fees, plus i lost so much weight during my pregnancy, my nerves my stomach and my heart was tore up. I just cant understand why..Why he did it? And is it my fault? ..Also to let you know i have a beautiful healthy baby girl...Should i take him back for my daughter and try to make a family or become another statistic as a divorced single mother...Plz help me, this is a tough one.

he got upset, wouldnt talk to me, kept trying to call her

as he raised up he tried to push himself inside of her

he wouldnt look at me, his eyes totally focused on her

he comes in turns his back to me and puts both hands on each of her arms and tells her "come on ..."

He came to where i was in the cruiser and told me it was over and all my belongings will be packed up in my van.

I asked him if he had called her, he said yes

He included that she had a cute private area and he bet if he could of been erect he could of made her feel like he has made me feel

He blames me for it all..He says its my fault.

Should i take him back for my daughter and try to make a family or become another statistic as a divorced single mother

Hmmm.

His dick seems to do all the thinking for him when he's horny.
He doesn't seem to care too much about your feelings.
He doesn't accept responsibility for his actions.

Since you ask - if what you write is true and the whole story, I think it's bad riddance to a bad problem. Sorry about it.

Opinion of the court:
When you changed your mind about the threesome, he should have accepted it. Granted, few men wouldn't find the prospect of a threesome enticing. I guess it's the genes or something, and it doesn't really mean anything. But you can tell there's something wrong when when fucking the other girl becomes more important than the own girl's feelings or even the whole relationship!
He shouldn't have tried to fuck her alone without you or in front of you.
He shouldn't have ignored you completely while obviously staring at her.
He should have been more supportive of you when police arrested you - not come up to the car, say it's all over and he'll throw your stuff out of the house while you're away.
There was no need for him to shove it in your face how much he enjoyed sex with your friend.

Of course I only know your part of the story, so I may be completely wrong. That's the risk of asking complete strangers for an in-depth analysis of your life and/or relationship. :-)

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

This post was edited by null on Feb 18, 2005.

Not being funny but i am a bloke and all though it isn't exactly characteristic of me, there are a few blokes who apply to this rule.

If their cock is not doing the thinking for them, then they are thinking on it's behalf!

Tommy C

Ummm... right off the top of my head, I'd say that this person does NOT love you. If you were in the relationship for 'love', you probably never had it.

In addition, he would not likely be a good father for your children. If there were children present, and there were, including the one in your womb, and this whole scenario was under way... children are more astute than people give them credit for, and the other woman's child had to know that something was very, very, very wrong with the adult dynamics in the room.

Threesomes can and do happen without all the misery you described. Grown men can behave admirably in such a situation as you described...however, your man did not. He ignored you, he broke your heart, he displayed inconsistent behaviour, and thought only with his dick.

It is my experience that men have two heads to think with, and quite a few can't determine which one to use... but, if you love the woman that you are with... even with the 'other head' talking, you would not do what he did to you.

I understand that you have two children by this man, and don't want to be a divorce statistic. BUT, his behaviour is not something that you can control to fit your desire not to be a single-parent. If he was ready to say goodbye and pack your bags for you while you were sitting in the police cruiser ready to be taken away for the night, and then changed his mind later... he is not doing it out of love. He probably misses having someone around whose heart he can play with, and probably doesn't want to clean the house or do his own laundry.

Consider yourself lucky to have found out this soon into the relationship and marriage that he didn't have your best interests at heart. In life, we look for partners to spend our time with when we are not at work. We look, hopefully, for someone who will love us, take care of us when we are sick or miserable, and who will have our backs.

None of these three things are traits that were present in your husband on the night in question... and I dare say, were they ever present to begin with, if that behaviour is any indication.

Someone else may not be out there right now, but NOT having someone like that in your life is better for you and for your kids. Do you really want your kids growing up seeing their dad treat their mom like that? Not worth it.

I may sound like I have no idea, but I think, you, the kind of person who wants to please, would do better taking care of your kids without someone like him who just wants to use... don't let him use you and your kids to keep you down.

It is hard doing it alone, but if you know what you want in a partner, and you think about it carefully from here on out; there is a reasonable chance that you will find someone who wants the same things as you... including your kids. And someone who loves you, and doesn't want to fuck your friends and make your heart hurt.

Say goodbye to him. Let him go. Just friendly advice. He's not good for you. Even I can see that from here...

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

Please, please do yourself and your daughter a favor by not getting back into a relationship with a complete pig. You said you wanted a 3-some, backed out, and then he thought it was ok to have sex with your friend (without you)? Who is this guy? Did you really even know who the hell he was until he basically slapped you in the face? This should be more than enough evidence to cut the guy loose for good. I mean, do you think he really won't do this again? And what do you think he would do if HE decided he wanted a 3-some, backed out, and then you slept with his friend without him? Im sure he'd freak and probably beat you (he sounds like that kind of guy)...

And more importantly... Im sure you want to set a good example for your child. What if this happened to her?

I think you already know what to do...

Also, didn't he basically cheat on you? U said u wanted a 3-some, you didn't say u wanted him to sleep with another woman without u there at all.

And who the hell is this "friend" of yours, cut her loose too, what a bag...... Surround yourself with people who aren't complete trash.

Of all the things that I have lost in my life, it's my mind that I miss the most.

"Chasing Amy," the movie, is based loosely around this theme. Therein, it is predicted about 80% of what you've just said.

Some rules of thumb on men:

He was all for it

Firstly, no straight guy will EVER say no to a three-way involving two women and himself.

Secondly, as my partner's friend says, the equity in the marriage is what's at stake in a three-way. Losing that equity will always result in hurt feelings. And once that equity is gone...what's left?

Well if it is my fault i have paid the price..I felt so ashamed walking in the door of my parents house, plus my attorney fees, plus i lost so much weight during my pregnancy, my nerves my stomach and my heart was tore up.

Ah, yes...that would be it.

Thirdly, guys, especially the straight ones, are shit. Seriously, men are shit. As a result:

He blames me for it all..He says its my fault.

He wants me to come back to him
and swears he loves me.

Forthly, men are liars (women too)...especially when they use the "l" word.

Fiftly:

I just cant understand why..Why he did it?

Once a guy's dick is hard it starts taking away much-needed blood away from the brain.

And is it my fault?

Partially. But I'd say he's more at fault.

..Also to let you know i have a beautiful healthy baby girl...

Congratulations

Should i take him back for my daughter and try to make a family or become another statistic as a divorced single mother...

Sixthly: some things just can't be fixed...no matter how much Super Glue one uses.

this is a tough one.

I agree.

Lastly:
I might suggest next time you get a similarly goofy idea, watch The Jerry Springer Show, and then make your decision.

*****

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

This post was edited by zen on Mar 04, 2005.

Thirdly, guys, especially the straight ones, are shit. Seriously, men are shit. As a result:

Thanks zen, I think I might go make a date with a razor. :-P

Firstly, no straight guy will EVER say no to a three-way involving two women and himself.

Depends. I believe heavily in reciprocity and "do unto others," so I figure that if I get a 3some with 2 girls, she possibly might want a 3some with 2 guys, and thats something I don't wanna do. So, I would take the safe road and say no.

Of course almost every other guy I know would say yes to a threesome...

...And they say fags will destroy marriage.

Still don't know how that works... Now I'm all for keeping the nomenclature separate as far as legal documents are concerned, but not for restricting the benifits of legal marriage... Back on topic, still dunno exactly how fags can destroy marriage... unless the husband or wife goes gay...

Pistol Grip Pump In My Lap At All Times

This post was edited by eljefe on Mar 04, 2005.

Thanks zen, I think I might go make a date with a razor. :-P

Hey, it was in context...

Seriously, I don't think that I could support that statement for very long. I should say MOST of the guys I've met...

It's not genetic. It's learned. We guys are enculturated to be mean, cruel, domineering, close-minded, etc.; basically do what we have to to get what we want.
To be "top dog" is a great honour; and we get there by "beating-out" the competition.
I can find exceptions to that generalization, of course. But for the most part, most of the men I've met act shitty, and in their own best interests.

Part of the reason men act they way they do, we're told, is the fragile male ego. Those with healthy egos tend to act more, shall we say, civilized.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

But for the most part, most of the men I've met act shitty, and in their own best interests.

I do have to agree with you however, alot of guys I know are like this, but then again alot of women are bad and shitty in their own way. Of course I guess it's more magnified because I'm in high school...

Pistol Grip Pump In My Lap At All Times

This post was edited by eljefe on Mar 04, 2005.

I'm not sure what you were thinking when you brought up the subject, and you've said you weren't sure what you were thinking either...
But if he really loved you he would have looked at you and said that's not a good idea.
It would have stopped all the aftermath before it began.

Fantasies are a funny thing, they change with time. I'm sure that's part of what was going through your head at the time.
But it doesn't mean if a person mentions them they are set in stone.
He should have respected you enough to accept your change of mind.
And your friend, I use the term lightly, what was she thinking bringing her daughter along for the trip.
That's pretty messed up.

I'd tell him this, if his dick does his thinking for him, then the two of them should be very happy, because if it's that easy to get him going by letting his dick lead, then that's not the kind of father you want for your children.

A man who disrespects his wife to jump at the chance for strange bedfellows isn't very faithful at heart.
You need a father for your children who will honor you and remember that fantasies come and go, and it doesn't mean that if you tell him, it's truely what you want.

I think you saw the "real" person that night, and that's really not what you want for yourself or your children...
Because once the barn door has been opened, it's pretty hard to catch the horses when they have their freedom so to speak.

IF you do take him back, think about this, he's likely to see all of what happened as licence to be unfaithful, after all you sugested it to begin with.

And as far as it being all your fault, I don't think so, you didn't hold a gun to his head. You only shared a fantasy.
He's the one who isn't bright enough to think for himself, he needs the expert advise of his dick to help him make "Wise" Decisions...

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

WELL, I'm new here and joinned simply so that I could say something about this post.

First of all I'm glad I have a guy who isn't a pig, but that's beside the point. From the sound of it he didn't give a flying fuck how you felt about anything. Only a total jerk would (after you made it CLEAR you were not for it) have sex with your friend right infront of you. He may be a guy and he may have two heads to think with, but that is no excuse! He has a brain and with that he KNOWS what is right and what is wrong in this kind of situation. No person in their right mind would have sex with the person they claim to love's friend when they have made it CLEAR they are against it! So either he doesn't give a damb about you or he needs to be analized by a psychologist for some sort of mental disorder!

But that's been said plenty of times up above. What REALLY seemed off to me is that your so called "friend" went BACK into the room with him after you caught them the first time and said stop. What kind of friend is that? The blaim is on him, but the blaim is also on her! How dare she! You made it clear that first time that you were opposed to this...If she was any kind of friend she NEVER would have gone back into that room with him. She is just as much a pig as he is!

That's what I have to say about it!