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Mar 02, 2005 23:54 # 33717
There are so many times in my life that I have thought about this. There are so many thing I would do in a different manner, so many choices that could have totally changed my life, forever. There some choices I regret, and some choices I am proud of. I think, everyone goes through this phase every now and then.
What kind of choices did you make in your life, that you now believe you shouldn't have, or now are happy that you did at that point in life? How would your life have changed had you made the other choice? If you believe in destiny, do you think you can still change your destiny in spite of making those ill-choices in the past?
For me, there are tons of things I would really have done differently, if I am given a chance to change the past. I am just listing a few here, and am obviously hiding the more uglier ones:-
I once chose money over work. Actually, make it twice. I am still not satisfied with how life has turned out for me because of those choices. Both instances are unique, one turned out to be nice, and the other turned out to be pretty bad.
I once chose love over lust. I am actually glad that I did so.
I once took a vacation that changed my life forever, and I wish that I could change that part of my life, by going into the past, and somehow stopping me from taking that vacation (or reacting differently to the situations I faced there.
and there are more...I wish life gives me the ability to see these choices in advance. Some of them are obvious, but some of them are not, and it's so hard to look back and be not able to do anything about it, except to keep trying to correct your course, which not always works.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
Mar 03, 2005 03:44 # 33723
I guess, luckily for me, I havn't really made any life altering choices since I am so young. While I could dredge up crap like (well, I wish I had gone back and scored BETTER on the PSAT or SAT), but hell, any of us would want to go back and do better at something we weren't perfect at.
I say this not to gloat or to be all "Haha, I have a clean slate!," but I say this and wonder if I'll be able to catch myself making a bad decision in the future? I'm sure making a bad decision and looking back could be painful, but I wonder (and hope I'll never have to experience) what it will be like to know there was a possibily to make a bad decision, focus on it, see it coming, and still make the wrong choice...
Mar 04, 2005 04:23 # 33784
I once chose money over work. Actually, make it twice. I am still not satisfied with how life has turned out for me because of those choices
actually, RCD, i once chose work over money. oh yeah, i was mr. altruistic.
after the inevitable disillusionment, i now totally regret it. if i could change something in my past, i'd choose to change that. it's funny how you chose money and now regret it while i chose "work" (or ideology, or passion, or whatever)and now regret it. perhaps the grass is always greener on the other side?
other things i'd change:
1. i'd take up economics or business in college instead of my English studies degree. a lot of the stuff i learned there, i could have learned o0n my own by going to the library and studying by myself.
2. or if i did go for English studies, i wouldn't major in creative writing. many successful writers never studied creative writing formally, anyway. i'd major instead on critical theory and become a real expert in the fine art of bullshitting.
3. i once turned down an offer from a politician to become his PR staff. i actually liked the guy, but couldn't leave my teaching job. also, truth be told, i was a little intimidated by the post. so when he ran for the Philippine Senate, i watched his campaign closely. my conclusion--i definitely could have done a better job than his PR people. then maybe he'd have won and i'd be working for a senator.
ďTo God, there is no zero. I still exist.Ē Scott Carey, The Incredible Shrinking Man
Mar 04, 2005 15:19 # 33803
The real question you should be asking yourself is that if you hadn't done things you regretted in your life, would you be here wishing you could change the past? This fact alone has made you somewhat of a different person.
I mean to take this idea to the extreme, you could say you wish you had never tried to steal that cookie from the cookie jar as a child that got you caught by your mother and inevitably gave a slight change in her view of you. Or perhaps you would run for class president in high school instead of sitting in the sidelines.
You would not be the same person that you are today if you made those decisions. The mere fact that you made those decisions is because you are the type of person to do that. You are the cumulative definition of your personality. If you change these things, you redefine that personality to be something you're not.
With this idea aside, is that living though? Is wondering if changing your life would have made things better, really worthwhile? I suppose we could all be sitting back wondering "what if," because we all have things we would have rather not done. There are people that spend their lives thinking about "what if" and they are typically people who look towards the past, not the future. They wish to shape and change things that cannot be changed. Instead of realizing the truth that they can make a difference for the future, they stare into the sky and wonder what would have been if only they had done something differently.
If anything, we should strive to become better people for our futures. If we do that, it is because that those are the persons that we are. How can I say that after saying that changing our past lives would not be ourselves? I say this because doing and wishing are two different things entirely. Prove to yourself that you can accomplish new goals and be a better person instead of insisting you would have done them had you had the chance to redo.
Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done
Mar 04, 2005 23:30 # 33809
You are right.. Everyone does think about "what if I did such and such differently?" But really, why think about something that you have no control over and cannot possibly change?
I think that if people continue to think about things that they did in the past that they regret or wish change, they will live in that state of mind forever... And probably won't move forward very quickly, or even at all.
I think the best way to deal with the past and mistakes and/or regrets is to learn from it.. And I know I am not the first one to say that.
Take care :)
Mar 05, 2005 04:35 # 33811
Well, if you don't ever look at the past, how are you going to learn anything from it? The reason why people should learn History, or remember their past, is so that they can learn from their mistakes (ot other's), and not repeat them.
It's much easier to say, even in an argument, that forget the past, let's look at the future. But, if we don't learn from our past, we will end up doing the same mistakes over and over again.
No, I am not asking one to keep sulking all the time, or to live completely in the past, that would be a disaster too. What you probably need is to always look at the future, without forgetting your past.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
This post was edited by ReallyCoolDude on Mar 05, 2005.
Mar 07, 2005 23:44 # 33906
I tend to think that regretting things you have done in the past is a complete waste of time. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has regrets. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and whatever happens was supposed to happen. Not to say that your life is mapped out by some greater authority, but everything you do in life you learn from. Those lessons are meant to be learned in order to grow and mature as a person. I also have regrets, but I'm happy to say that they are only small ones like: not going on that roller coaster when i was 8 or being mean to that girl when i was 9. I of course have more serious regrets, but I no longer regret them in my mind. If certain things hadn't happened, I would still be dating that guy that was insane, or i would still be in a terrible long distance relationship and so on. Be happy with who you are, and stand by the decisions you've made, live life to the fullest and REGRET NOTHING!!
Only dead fish swim with the stream.......
Mar 13, 2005 05:18 # 34169
There are several. But when I think about who I am today because of thoes things, and if I could go back and change them, knowing what I know now because of everything that happened would I still choose to change them?
I don't know.
I would know less than I do now because if I changed them then the things that I have become now wouldn't exist.
And maybe I would be someone who I really, really hate.
There is only one thing I wish now, that I could have the strength and pain free existance I had when I was 19, so that I could paint for days instead of hours without taking a break,
and there would be more time to explore sacred geometry.
As to the other things, well, they have helped to shape me as I am now, both good and bad.
I have learned to like who I am, and learned to look honestly inside and change what I can now.
So I don't think I would go back and change the things in the past.
Apr 11, 2005 00:27 # 35086
I make you so right KittyKat, thatís the way I try and think as well. But I donít agree that regretting things is a complete waste of time, dependent on what the regret is, its important to understand the reasons why you regret but not to dwell, I know what you mean though you shouldnít hang on to regrets like chances missed out on and things similar to that, but if its your own wrongdoing then regrets your own learning curve for the future.
We do after all only have one life on this planet and lets face it, it doesnít last very long. You cant always stand by your decisions completely though, I mean no matter how many birthdays I have and older I get I always feel the same inside and hold the same values but from experience comes knowledge and understanding, sometimes you realise your decision was wrong.
But what would a life be without any regrets, not one id like to live, surely thatís the whole point.
Our parents were always older and wiser but we never listened and steered cleared from what they told us. Like my mum will tell me not to drive too fast, but if we never learn for ourselves then theyíre taking our lives away. They shouldnít fear that we will learn the hard way because the only reason we have health is to give us the strength to learn for ourselves.
Yeah we might grow up a bit dense but we end up thinking we should of gone to school and not out for that drink and I should of drove slow, but itís important to learn for yourself. If we all had absolutely no regrets and did what our parents said we would be zombies, better off dead.
I have regrets, a few major, a lot minor, but it makes us stronger, and opens our eyes up to what the problem is and prepares us more for the future.
But we canít change whatís been and gone, we have to make the best of today and tomorrow, the things that we got.
It donít stop me reminiscing though obviously, If I could change things, I would undoubtedly for the better. To quote one of Zenís posts "It is simple: the meaning of life is to live it. It's there just the same.
You can live another's life, or live your own, the choice is entirely yours"
What ive found though is that its always the people who have no regrets, or conscience that lead a happy life, I mean we all properly know someone, I certainly do, that is a bit shady and untrustworthy, I know a guy that goes through his life lying, but hes got no real friends, just people that put up with him, thing is heís always happy, because he donít care about noone or nothing, hell lie steal and cheat without a thought. How do people live like that, always switching from different groups of friends, I think it depends what you want to achieve in your life to whether you live a happy existence.
For example, if your dream is to live life in a mansion and own a range of Ferraris then youíll live a pretty unhappy and unfulfilled life, itís about setting yourself achievable realistic goals that you can reach. So if you want to earn £300 per week you will be able to if you work at it. Just like the guy that looks forward to going down the pub every night of his life after work and getting sloshed, thatís all he wants and heís got it, his goals donít expand any further than that and although he seems to have nothing he is more happy than the £600 per week guy who wants the Ferraris.
So when I look at my regrets I use them to learn, and I focus on whatís to come and exactly what I want to do, donít live in a dream world just focus on your goals, because thereís nothing better than reaching it and thinking what is next. The key to life, ifs there is one is to open up your eyes and see the difference now. You cant change where youíve already been, but you can count of your awareness, be aware of yourself, believe in yourself and choose the dreams with the least resistance.
i dont have a dream "I HAVE A SCHEME"
Apr 11, 2005 03:15 # 35092