Reading Hardballkid's journal

Now what? What am I suppose to act? How am I suppose to carry myself?

Getting over love is a hard task to accomplish. But I see progress. I'm not obsessed with uncontrollable desires to be around her and talk to hear or just to think of her: as much. I don't think i'll ever completely get over her. I will always think of her whether it be a brief thought or an enlongated memory, she will have some place in me heart.

You just can't have a first love, watch it go sour, and then try and wipe the slate clean and shoot again. It wished it worked that way but it doesnt. To many emotions, to many hindrances to deal with.

Now there is another who I love as a friend but that's all. I dont know what to think or say. I dont want to lead her on as if to say something might happen. I just dont want anybody right now until I get over thee last. I dont want to hurt anyone as she hurt me,
it's not right.

I can be a real jerk when it comes to simple converstations and qestions of yes or no. I make everything difficult. She kinda knows but still. I just might be over analying it like i do everything else.

There is still a part of my that doesnt want to live my life and just wants to hold up on everything in hopes that she will return to me. I know the chances ae slim to none, but I still have that feeling I cant get rid of. I just would hate to be blinded so badly that I dont see the one that could be right in front of me and miss my true chance to love again.

Well, here i go again rambling on about situations and problems that I, only myself create. Maybe it will all just blow over and everything will be lolliepops, or not. I'm betting on the latter.

Now are ye undeceived! Welcome, again, my children, to the communion of your race!

This post was edited by Hardballkid on Mar 14, 2005.