Reading harold_maude's journal

For the last two nights I've slept so good. All the wonders of being stress free.

All of this whole experience has made me realize what I need in the next job I take.

A boss who is consitant. A job that doesn't have people who expect you to give them all the answers.
And a realistic idea of how many hours depending on the wage that I can live on.

So at the moment I'm looking for something behind the scenes.
Like being a dishwasher. Or a janitor. Or someone who just files things.
All very unexciting jobs. But one's that would give me what I need to work effectivly in a job.
Either that or win the lottery and become a recluse.

I such an odd duck. I have no need for huge amounts of social interaction.
I perfer to be out of sight when it comes to the public.
But that's a paradox in itself.
I think about this place. It's very public, and there is some interaction with other people, but it's in a way that's removed from physical interaction.
So I guess it's not a paradox.

Comming here is like standing in a crowed room only you can't see anyone.
You can read what they have to say, and many times you get to see what the rest of the world doesn't.
In side.
That's really where a person is.
Not the surface. Not the daily quirks that make people decide who that person is and if they want to get to know them.

In that respect I think people who are phsically blind have a definate advantage over the seeing world.
They don't have to deal with all the masks and crap the rest of us have to.

They get to "see" the real of a person.
And that's awesome.
This place is kind of like that.
And I know that's one of the things I like about this place.
I love being able to come and write here. And it doesn't matter if no one reads it.
It's simply here.
If they read what I write, they arn't in my face and demanding explainations, or asking me how to create this or that..in short doing the work for them.

I can come here and write as weird or as thoughtful as where I am in the moment.
And that is awesome.
I'm free here.

I tend to stick pretty much to my journal, but venture out once in a while, and read other peoples thoughts and ideas.
And sometimes I have something to say about what they've writen.
But alot of times I just like being the silent obsever.

This is one of thoes places that mirror the places that I love to hang out in.
When I go to thoes places it's a rare thing that anyone will come up and talk to me.
So I either spend time painting or writing in thoes places, observing the people I see.
They are a kind of private haven as well.
And it goes to confirm what I have believed about myself for many years...that the only time a person is in my life is when they are in need.
I have met very few people who want to just hang out with me.
And I'm very ok with that.
For many people that would be a hard place to live. They would probably end up feeling used.
But because I know what my purpose is here I'm at peace with the idea that in this life most of my life is solitary.

As a result of all of this I suspect that when my time comes to leave this life I will be alone and have to leave instructions as who to get a hold of to take care of the last details.

And as with everything else in my life, I will attend to it.
I am a vapor that comes for a little while and then disapates, and there is no memory that remains.
Except when something comes and reminds one that there was a moment in time when it existed.

There it is for a thurday morning...

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.