Reading zen's journal

05 April 05 --Mt. Holyoke College, South Hadley, Massachusetts
David Sedaris show

Shweetie, my boyfriend, is in the Producer's Circle. We sat in the Mary Wolley Auditorium, second row, on the aisle. It was a sold-out show, sponsored by WFCR 88.5, an NPR affiliate.

Mt. Holyoke is a truly remarkable campus, aesthetically speaking. The buildings, of that adobe-smoked-auburn coloured stone, could be transplants from a well-to-do medaeval European fiefdom; complete with Tutor and neo-Goth influence. Mary Wooley features chimeric statuary at the cornices above the main entrance, and at the apex of the gables. Masonic symbols can be decyphered. The crown-like roof looks exactly like the classical rook in chess.

Before the show, there was a reception that started as the life on the sleepy, picturesque campus, seemed to be winding down. The canapes were nice, and I avoided the booze.

He came out on time, and started reading immediately. All new material, the first offerings were 4 longer essays, and then he read excerpts from his journals.
After that, close to an hour later, he took questions from the audience for about half an hour. After that he did his signing untill about 11:30. We were second from last.

In his first piece he talked about his partner's mother's problem. She had a worm that grew in her leg. He said that's just disgusting. Somehow he could imagine all sorts of parasites and such crawling all over a dad, but for a mom it was, almost horrible.
If that happened to my mom, he said, I'd take all her clothes to the dump...and then burn them. I would burn everything she ever gave me, then put myself up for adoption.
I think I know how he feels.
He talked about how Hugh, his partner,'s mom always wants to help and do stuff when she comes over. She does all sorts of stuff, like wash the dishes, do laundry, move furniture....which, he continues, was her idea. I only suggested that the dresser hasn't been used in a while, and I just happend to mention that we've been talking about how it would be better for it to go down stairs.
I didn't think she'd actually move it downstairs by herself, he said.

The next one is a story called Town and Country. It was a genuinely histerical narrative that links together three succesive incidents on a plane, in a taxi, and in his sister's apartment.
We hear about this couple, dressed in expensive clothes, sit next to him. As they move into their seats, he apologizes, but seemingly for his very existence. He's shamed. But then the couple starts talking. Almost upon opening their mouths, he's bombarded by this well-dressed couple who continuously swear. Everything is fucking shit. The food was fucking shit. The music was fucking shit.
"First they make us listen to shit, and now they're making us eat shit," the man said as they ate their meal.
It was all something, or another as shit. He was postulating that to these folks, shit was the tofu of words. It could be molded, and manipulated to go with anything.
In the taxi, David has this run-in with, perhaps, an atypical driver. He wasn't to know about David. He asks David if he likes pussy.
We had to laugh.
The driver proceeds to tell David, actually calling him David, that he has to "fucky-fuk" 2 times a day.
"David, do you like the pussy."
He raises his paper.
"Does your dick not stand up?"
He raises the paper higher.
"Oh, I see. David, you like the dick?"
"David," he continues, pounding on the back of his seat, "David, do you like the dick?"
No repsonse.
"David, get a lesbian movie, and a bottle of whiskey."
"I certainly will not get myself a lesbian movie. I'm not like you," he says and proceeds to lambaste the driver. He insulted his coconut air freshner.
At his sister's in west villiage, she tells him that their dad is coming over. She likes to find stuff that shocks him, and display it on the table. Apparently this is a ritual with her; the day before this big visits, she hits all the book stores, and hunts for just that right book.
This time it is the "Wild Animal Orgasms" book, by Who Cares. The first involves two lesbians and their stallion friend. In this photo-essay, they take turns with the horse, and then get themselves off.
Under the caption of one picture it reads "this is this lucky fella's happiest day". But if that's true, he says, why doesn't the horse stop eating?
The next story involves a damsel and a "stray" collie.
"Stray, right," his sister says.
"Look at how shiney his coat is."
It occurs to him shortly thereafter the moral of the story, that he realy IS like that guy, the driver, an hour later. No it's not lesbian porn, and it's not a movie, and it is his siter he's with after all, but he can't help but think that cause it is his sister, he might be worse.

Having heard David speak on NPR and audiobook, I had a good idea of what to expect. I'm glad to see that he performed to expectations. David Sedaris is a very funny, and talented comic who has keen insights whic come across easily in his written, as well as spoken stories.
I'm constantly reminded that here is perhaps not the greatest, to have him tell it, intellegence. Be that a statement of his self-effacing style, the fact is that it is through his focused intellect that he creates these wonderfully brillian comical contrasts, and distills the essence of a situation so that it becomes a somewhat general banner we might all pick-up and carry.

The third story was one involving this article his sister sent. It's about people who fantasize about being amputees. The scientific nomenclature, sadly eludes me, but there are support groups for these people, nonetheless. There's even a chat room for people who feel this way.
He talks about one man who was so desperate to become an amputee that he took a chainsaw to his leg.
Yes, this man, who tried to take his own leg, via chainsaw, cause no reputable doctor will remove a good limb, woke up in the hospital.
"Congratulations Mr. Smith. We were able to save it," greeted him as he awoke.
Unfortunately, in a sorta medical miracle--in reverse--he lost the leg anyway.
Darn the luck.
One woman who told her woes in the chat room, tells of being trapped in the wrong body. Her body has no arms on it. It's kinda like a transexual except their ideal body is their own, simply a smaller version of their own body. She's apparently dead-set on having her arms amputated.
Lady, Think of what you're saying, he says.
Try getting a taxi...
"TAXI~ dam!!"
And try to enter that chat room you're so smitten with.

He looks at situations that could perhaps happen to anyone, or few at all, and allows them to be reduced to simple yet insightful chestnuts.

He signed Shweetie's co-worker's book "Thanks for making me rich".
He signed mine under the 2 mushrooms he stamped.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

This post was edited by zen on Apr 11, 2005.