Reading Vladimir's journal

Life is so unfair. When people treat you like a piece of shit you have to just keep smiling and keep on walking. If you say or God forbid do anything about it, the same people became victims of your profanity in the eyes of the observers, and you became a piece of shit. Catch-22.

Some of my friends (not the one mentioned in the previous journal entry) who I'm very found of are talking to me as I was the worst man of Earth to say everything I did. I know that breaking a habit of being walked on is hard and painful, but this is excruciating. It doesn't hurt when scumbags talk to me like that, but when a dear friend of yours tells you something like that, simply put, my soul hurts. My heart also. Feels like having a huge weight on my chest. For irony to be complete, after hearing a lot of uncalled for critics, I managed to insult the people I care for. I don't know what hurts more.

I'm afraid that this time my Nirvana-like state is destroyed. I feel tired, lost, lonely, and kind of sick. It won't take much more to cause me tears. I have to go to class early tomorrow, yet I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight.

Vladimir, student od economics

This post was edited by Vladimir on Apr 12, 2005.

You see something analogue happened to me too. In my case, I like to say that it was my fault, because I didn't see in time that I was becoming friends with real assholes. I can't even tell you how, but at a certain point I got messages on my cell phone covered in insults, because they said that I did things to them, like insulting or so. I never did that! One of the three girls didn't like me, and so she invented stuff about me.

How do I know you wonder? Well because a second girl reported it to me, but when I said it wasn't true... she just didn't believe me. Anyway, the aforementioned girls now mistreated me in every possible way. In a stupid way I have to say! Like they don't show that they are 22, rather 16. An example? When they see me, they giggle and I can hear them teasing me; the other day I was in the bathroom and they had to come too, but seeing me I heard them saying that they would hold it in because they didn't want to come in and see me (ain't it totally nuts?! They held in their fucking pee for 2 darn hours just not to see me!!)

Well, this introduction to say that it is easier to walk on people than to respect them. And of course your "friends" were used to use you, and walk you over. Maybe they didn't intend to or maybe they did and they knew clearly what they were doing. The key point here is that before you were willing to let that happen, but now you have become smart about it, and got fed up and want respect. It is all right and fair, and you have to go on like that! But you have to understand that the friends that were walking over you before, now realize that they can't anymore, and this bothers them.

I mean, ain't it nice to always ask and be given what you ask, and be asked (or not even that) and never give what you are asked? There are some people who don't act like that, but many others who are prone to that horrid behavior.
My suggestion is this: comes (from an Italian quote) who doesn't want me, doesn't deserve me. This can also be read as: if people don't respect me, then they can't be my friends. Therefore what I suggest you is to leave those people alone, and to not feel bad about their behavior. That's what they want, you know. They want you to feel bad. On the contrary, you show them that you don't give a damn about them. Find new friends!!

I can honestly say that I have followed my own suggestion, and things are going so much better now. It is really like a mouthful of fresh air! You should at least try. Find new friends, and drop the old assholish ones!

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".