Reading hells_angel's journal

My brother Tim just got a car yesterday. He managed to get the loan for the car on his own. I can't even get a student loan without a cosigner! What's up with that? My brother Tim has a job and what do I have? Just to much time to kill at home and being this live in slave. God forbid my mom would do the dishes and the laundry and pick up after everyone, why would she do that if she has me at home to do it for her.

I think I am just feeling sorry for myself again. I have been doing that so much since I came home last year. It's not like I have anything better to do. Maybe if I did I wouldn't feel so bad. I mean yeah I go out for my walks to clear my head and my mom stopped asking me where I go when I don't come in til about 4am. I only do that once in a while.

Maybe I am just sick to death of trying to make things work out for me. I mean nothing goes the way I want it to, it never has and I don't think it ever will.

The truth is I'm just getting so sick and tired of hearing from everyone well you should be like your brother Tim, he has a job. It doesn't even matter to any of them that I was in college for a year and that I am trying my best to get myself back in. But then again my best has never been good enough.

It's always been like that though I mean if I do something it's just ok, but when my brother Tim does it, it's fantastic or great. I am always being compared to Tim and sometimes I have this uncontrolable rage to just look him in the eyes and tell him I hate him. And sometimes I think I really do mean it. And then I feel bad because I think I mean it. It's just not cool to hate your brother. I mean it doesn't help any when Tim is always throwing stuff in my face about him having a job and him yelling at me cuz I am trying to get loans that he thinks mom is going to have to pay back and when I tell him mom doesn't have to I do he doesn't listen to me. He acts like he knows everything and I don't know shit.

Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass