Reading Saqqara's journal

Boy do I have myself a dilemma. I haven't been around awhile for personal reasons, and now that I am back, it's good to have a place to rant again. Lets get started!

Recently due to a huge disagreement (more like a full blown argument) with my mother, I moved out of my parents house and in with a friend. Timmy was a great guy for taking me in in my hour of need, and I really appreciate him doing so. However, his kindness extends not only to me, but to others, which can hurt him and myself.

Shortly after I moved in, a mutual friend of ours was kicked from his apartment in Memphis and didn't want to return to his parents house. Timmy, being the stand up guy that he is, told Adam that he could move in for a bit until he could get back on his feet. I advised Timmy against that, even though Adam and I were friends in high school, Adam is the type of person that will not grow up unless he is forced, and so far, he hasn't been forced. Timmy thought Adam moving in would be a step to improving Adam's maturity, but I knew better. Boy do I hate being right most of the time.

As soon as Adam moved in, problems started. He would beg Timmy for money, and Timmy would give it to him. He would stay out for days at a time, Timmy would worry about him. Here recently, Adam asked Timmy to loan him 50 dollars to pay back a girl for some cocaine he snorted while on one of his absences. I had to step in. I took Timmy aside and told him not to loan the money to Adam, that he would have to get himself out of his own messes. I finally got him to listen, and Timmy refused to loan Adam the money, so Adam writes a hot check at Wal-mart to pay the girl back.

Now, as of today, Adam is stuck 2 and a half hours away, in Jonesboro with his boyfriend because he wanted to go to a party. He lost his job for not showing up on time, his parents are pissed at him, not to mention Timmy and I, and he continues to ask Timmy to come and get him. Finally, Timmy has got a bit of sense in him, and has told Adam no, mainly because we have to work.

Adam has lived with us for 2 months now, all the while, Timmy and I have supported him. He has not offered to pay any of the bills, eats through the groceries I buy like a starving kid in Africa, and then says we do nothing for him. I'd really like to get his free-loading ass out of the apartment, but ultimately, it has to be Timmy who makes that decision. I've talked and talked and talked with him, but he refuses to kick Adam out. I'm afraid Adam is going to bring his cocaine, his partying, his drunken binges here, and I'm going to go into uber bitch mode.

Adam was a great guy in high school, but now that he's out and away from his parents, he's just gone wild. I believe Timmy is starting to get frustrated with Adam's behavior, and I've asked him how he felt about it. He's told me he'd like to get rid of Adam, but won't do it because he has no place to go. I told him he is not Adam's parent, and should let the boy's parents deal with him and his problems, as we've got quite enough of them on our own.

Hopefully, he'll take my advice this time and tell Adam to get packing. There is no chance of him changing his ways, I already know that. I have a feeling I'm going to hate the next few days.

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."

Well, I wish I could sympathize with you farther than what you already know of my current room mate who is a real douche bag. He seems to think that living like a 15 year old is still okay. He doesn't have a job, and the only thing he really has is a coleman matress and a couch he got from his case-worker. Point is, he's a slacker, and as much as I hate to admit it, we have a mutual need for each other. His rent is 310, and that makes my financial life no longer a debting one, and he needs a place to stay. He gets SSI so he gets a free ride, but I ain't gonna kick him out, but he is a real slacker...

Anyway, I hope for your freinds sake, he gets his shit together. :D

I should be ashamed of myself.

Sometimes doing something out of meaning to do well can actually enable someone to keep doing the same old same old, as you have seen in action.

While I can understand Timmy's feelings, enabling Adam to keep doing the things he's doing is not doing Adam any favors.
Timmy is actually helping to keep Adam right where he is, and there are no consequences.
That's what makes this what it is.

Timmy's good heart and concern need to be tempered with reality.
You can care about a person so much that you want to help and protect them, and that's a good thing.
But when it enables the person to continue to use people and do stupid things (they know they can because someone is going to clean up their mess) and it can actually end up enabling them into the grave.

If Timmy really wants to help Adam, he needs to tell him to leave, and let Adam face the consequences of his actions.
That would be the kindest thing Timmy could do.

But you already knew that, now Timmy just needs to understand that.
Try explaining it to Timmy this way,
if you get a cut and don't take care of it, it can become infected and if still not tended to can become septic, and then your talking life threatening.
Common sense says clean the cut, it's the best thing. It will hurt, but it's something that has to be done if healing is to take place.
Telling Adam to leave is the same thing. He needs to be responsible for himself, and he's proven to both of you as long as someone is there that will provide he will keep taking advantage.
After all why grow up when there is no reason to?

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.