Reading Saqqara's journal

My roomate and I have been arguing a bit lately over our "company." If you've read any of my journal, you'll know his name is Adam and that I don't care for him staying here. Our most recent argument put me in a rather foul mood.

I have been working on getting Adam out of my house for almost a month now. Timmy invited him into the house when I didn't have a job and could only buy groceries with what little bit of savings I did have. I didn't object then, because it wasn't my place to object. However, since I do have a job now, and pay half the rent and utilities, I think I am entitled to say something about someone mooching off of me.

Timmy knows how I feel about Adam. We've had several discussions on the matter and it seems they all turn out with one of us throwing our hands up in exasperation, usually it's me.

This time, Timmy told me he was dissappointed in me for giving up on Adam so easily. I look back at what I've done for the boy over the past few months, the hell he's put both myself and Timmy through, and I don't think it was so easily. I believe there is only so much you can do for a person when they refuse to listen to you, or actually want your help. Adam is that type. Apparently, the advice I gave him was critizing his lifestyle, that I acted just like his parents, and I should "butt the fuck out" of what goes on in his life.

Apparently, I'm wrong for not wanting people neither myself, Timmy, or Adam knows spending the night at our house. That happens all to frequently when Adam stays here. He invites boyfriends over that he's just met and allows them to stay the night. I talked to both Timmy and Adam, but neither seem to have a problem with it. Pardon me for worrying about my own safety.

Adam has also had a bit of a drug problem. I don't mind alcohol so much, but drugs, any drugs, I will go bat shit crazy on anyone who brings them into my house. I've yelled at him twice over cocaine, although I've never seen any, I want to make sure he knows if I EVER find any, or see him doing it in this house, he's going to either have reconstructive surgery for his face, or in rehabilitation for broken limbs. I WILL NOT tolerate drugs, ever.

Timmy says Adam has too much to pay already to even consider paying rent, but what he doesn't understand is that I have just as much under my hat as Adam. Adam's brother pays his car note, and will soon pay off the sales tax so Adam will have a car to drive around. I have $2,000 dollars in student loans and a school who is getting mighty bitchy because I can't afford to pay it all in one lump sum. However, the difference between myself and Adam is that I am actually paying my share of the bills. I'm not mooching off of my friends.

Apparently, Timmy thinks I have some personal vendetta against Adam, but the truth is, I am just sick of his shit. I believe there is only so much you can do for a person before it turns into getting taken advantage of, and I'm not one who likes getting walked all over. That feeling though, in Timmy's eyes, is me being a cold-hearted bitch. He told me he didn't know if he could rely on me in a time of need, because of what I'M doing to Adam. The truth is, Timmy is nothing like Adam. I would go out of my way to help him, because he would genuinely appreciate it, and would not walk all over me in the process.

Even after explaining that to him, I am an uncaring ruthless bitch. I suppose I'll have to live with that.

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."

I understand. I really do...

People can sometimes not understand how thier actions hurt others and Adam may be one of those people. As much as I'd like to say keep trying to help him, the best choice may be forcing maturity on him. Kicking him out could result in him living with his parents (for better for worse, I don't know), but keeping him there could drive you nuts. Kicking him out on the other hand, could and just may force responsibility. My reccomendation is to speak to timmy about it, and tell him that some strict rules need to be enforced,and that Adam is to follow them or leave. Because whether timmy likes it or not, the people that pay the rent should have to put up with the slacker if they don't want to. If you've laredy tried all this, all I can do is extend my sympathies. :(

I should be ashamed of myself.