Reading harold_maude's journal

Dear Daisy,

I was looking at pictures of you last night. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to look at them. I wish I had more.
I could feel the ache, still fresh it would seem, like it was yesterday.
I felt the tears running down my face and all I could think about was how much I miss you.

For 8 years I got the honor and pleasure of your company. Your head on my knee when you needed to feel secure, and your eyes, telling me you'd had a rough day.

I wanted to howl and howl and howl last night, from the heart, so you could here me from where you are.
Everything in me misses you. And my heart, though full of your presence still, feels an empty twinge when I can't reach down and scratch behind your ears where the fur was the softest.

I've lost other people. But none of them make me grieve with ache like you being gone does.
You were my best budy, and I feel like there wasn't enough time.
Eight years is pretty short when someone walks into your life and loves you with out any kind of conditions on that love, and being with you is the best of the best for them.

I was looking at those pictures with you laying on your couch with the big spotted bow and remembered how you put up with the humilation of having a bow on your head. Dogs normally don't like that kind of thing, except maybe a poodle, but dogs ususally won't let you do things like that.
I've seen dogs try to eat socks that their friends/owners have put on their feet.
Not you, you sat there so patient while we took pictures and now that's what I have just a few of those.
That's all. And a heart that hurts so bad.

I swear you weren't a dog, but a human in dog form. You had so much dignity. And you never hurt another animal. Not once.
I remember how you wouldn't eat cow bones or deer bones when there was deer meet that came into the house.
I remember how you would catch mice in your teeth and carry them around and then let them go.
And how when we would watch emergancy pet vet you would burry your face in my lap so you couldn't see, because the thought of another animal being in pain was too painful for you.

I remember the night you died, and how you showed up the next day, and spent a week with me. And I remember that night, out side with the sky so full of stars that you let me know that you had to go.

And the dream that repeated it's self for three nights.

I miss you. So much, so, so much. I figure that if I put this out to the sky and the net that you will hear it, and if you do then hear this too, that you were a gift, and my life was better because you were in it, and even though the last 5 months of your life were a battle against something you couldn't have over come, I would go through that experience of heartache a thousand times, just to have known you.

I miss you, and I hope that where ever you are you get all the doggie cookies you want, cases of them, and that you are surrounded by other cool people just like you.
If you can see me, then you can see my tears. Take them, all of them and let them be kisses and hugs from a greatful heart.
Thank you. I miss you and I love you.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.