Reading hells_angel's journal

Right now I'm just relaxing. I almost stayed home today. There is no one there but me and my bro Tim, but I wanted the fresh air. I just took today to get caught up on a few things around the apartment that I don't get to do often. I listend to my cd's out in the dining room while I was cleaning up.

I am actually happy today I am wearing a pair of jeans I couldn't wear a year ago. Actually almost 2 years ago. I think the last time I wore these jeans was in the fall of '03 that was before the dreaded freshmen 15. Maybe by the end of the summer I will be down a size or 2. I'm not even really trying to lose weight but it would be cool if I did lose some more before I go back to school in the fall. I am thinking about seeing if I can't stay with my grandma or someone or another in my family when I come home for breaks...I want to move forward in my life and not go back to where I am now. If that makes any sence.

I'll probably go home in an hour or so. I should wake up my bro when I get home so he can up and get something to eat. I don't know if he is gonna go to St. Marys tonight to see his girlfriend or not. I like his girlfriend, she is cool. She actually talks to me like a person, which is something my other bro's girlfriend could learn to do. If you don't treat me like a b*tch I won't treat you like one. This girl that Tim is seeing brings out his better qualities, it's amazing lol. He used to be a major jerk and now he's actually nice and it's.... i'm sorry I'm trying not to laugh at the changes in him but I can't help it.

I really wanted that to happen with Danny but his girlfriend Sammy is always up his butt and she always tells him what to do. I still think dude, Danny, you are 16 years old and she is only 14 don't let her treat you like a punk. I wash my hands of the situation, but mark my words she will break up with him again this summer and if he takes her back again, god only help him then because he will be the stupiest s.o.b. I know. Oh well. My reasons for not like Danny's girlfriend go deeper than that. He's in high school and he graduates this year. She got mad at him cuz he passed this year. She wanted him to fail so He would have another year in school with her. She is only going to be a freshman this year and he is going to be a senior. I'm sorry but if you quote on quote "love someone" wouldn't you want them to succeed and do well no matter how small the task is?

But oh well...in a little over a month it won't be my problem cuz if it's my problem I won't have to stick around for it...there is always the bar and trust me I think that is where I will be going soon.

It's not just all this that weighs on my mind every day and every night, it's my mom, my life, hoping to god that my mom doesn't go into a siezure at work and just hoping that my step dad keeps up the good work on not touching the alcohol. But he may as well be sometimes with the way my bro's are. They smoke weed in the apartment and all it takes is one time for my step dad's p.o. to come up and catch a wiff of it and my step dad is out the door and going to the state pen for 2 years for something he didn't even do.

Which is another reason why I don't like Sammy cuz she buys the shit and she knows her and Danny can't smoke it but they do anyways at the apartment and I swear I wish my mom would act more like a parent and tweek on all of them until it gets drilled into their heads but she doesn't. This is my life and welcome to it. I basically am the "pee on" who cleans up after everyone. I don't get to have a life because of it and it ain't even that I resent them for the way things are but damn it I want a life to. And the only way I can have a life is if I go back to school and I hang out with Liz. Liz is the one who keeps me sain at school. She really makes me forget how messed up my life is at home. And it's because of her that I might actually someday soon have a shot of having a "normal" relationship with a guy and not be so worried about it. She is my life line and she doesn't know it.

Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass