Reading harold_maude's journal

Last night, after I dragged my ass home from work, to a house where there was more work staring at me, and that work, from past experience, tells me will not get done until I do it, I tried to rest.

I took part of a muscle relaxant and hoped that it would help me fall into a deep sleep. It didn't. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night and those were fitful, and anxious hours with weird immages running through my head.

I woke up as tired and in as much pain as when I came home.
Only this morning, everything in my body feels swollen and tight.
Like I went 20 rounds with someone last night and my muscles are blown up from having the crap beat out of them.
I know why I can't relax.
There is no one who will just step in and take care of shit so I can really and truely relax.

I'm a citizen of the state of exaustion. And now there is a room mate comming into the house who because of an old injury in their life, they are a quadraplageic, and there will be no time to sleep or relax and what little there is, will be shredded in the wind by the other needy people around here.

I find myself praying for a tornado so I can jump into it. Knowing how things go I would probably survive without a scratch so that I would be back at taking care of other people....
I just want to lay my head down on someone's lap and know they will take care of me, even just long enough so I can really and truely sleep...

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.