Reading hells_angel's journal

For the first time in my life I have a way out of the life I have known. For the first time in 20 years some one wants to invest in me and I don't know how to handle it.

Last weekend I got in a fight with my parents about their parental skills. What triggered the fight? Well my little brother Danny took out his pipe and started smokin weed in the living room. I can't breath around the stuff so I went to the bathroom and slammed the door. I locked the door. My mom says "Grow up Lisa". To which I didn't reply. My mom started pounding on the bathroom door and tryin to talk me into unlocking it. Well I didn't move from where I was. She eventually got the door unlocked. And I started to scream and yell about my step dad's probation officer and how bad of a parent she is. Then I started yellin about how they let my little brother do whatever he wants and about how when I was his age I never got away with that. Then I started walkin towards the door I opened it up and by that time my step dad was kicking me and punching me and slappin me and pushing me trying to get me back in the house. Of course my mom didn't do anything about it. No she never does. He could slap me around for a while and she wouldn't do anything to make him stop. She takes the dick over her own kid.

Well I got the brillant idea of callin my grandma and tellin her to come and get me cuz I am sick of living like this. And both of them kept on kept on unplugging the phone and stuff like that.

My mom thinks the only reason I was ticked off about it is because I am stressed out about wheather or not my uncle is gonna say yes to co-signin my loan or not. And that isn't it. I am just so g.d. sick of living like f*cking white trash. I am sick of haivng to day dream about a different life, one without drama and worry, cuz I can't make it happen on my own.

And you would think that my family would try to help me out... how about no. They don't care what happens to me. I almost know thats true cuz a lot of them just see me as my mom's mistake.

Do you know what's funny though my friend (the one I am in love with) actually says I can move down there with him. All I have to do is ask.

Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass

You should definately get out of your house. And on the same token you shouldn't rely on a guy to do it. That's probably what your mother did once, it's vicious cycle.

"Boredom is the Ultimate Gateway Drug"- Atheist_Uprising

and by that time my step dad was kicking me and punching me and slappin me and pushing me trying to get me back in the house.

Isn't there some kind of youth welfare thing (close to) where you live? It's their job to take care of abusive or incapable parents, and maybe they can do something.
If things get worse I think you should move out if you can. Moving in with your friend might not be the worst option, but only if you absolutely trust him and think he won't regret it later... and you should be aware that you will be dependent on him as long as you stay there.
In any case, good luck.

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

Well... I am glad that you aren't afraid to admit that your family is white trash. That is the first step to getting off of the same doomed path as your mother. Although, I definitely do not think that you had the opportunity to leave this hell hole life until now, but atleast this friends offer has you thinking about a better life.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? If you are quite young, I can see how it might be difficult to leave such a house; however, I have had friends that have left their abusive house holds at the age of 14 and have made quite good lives for themselves. You just have to work extremely hard and be willing to let yourself grow up a lot faster than most people.

If you really want things to change, don't rely on another person to change your life for you. You only really have yourself in the end. And if money is an issue, maybe you could stay with this person for a few weeks while you set yourself up with some accommodations of your own?

I am almost positive that if you were to escape and make it on your own, you can do anything. Just make sure that you always surround yourself with constant support from some very good friends.

Of all the things that I have lost in my life, it's my mind that I miss the most.