Reading rosyxxx's journal

Maybe you guys remember my post on July 19th about the Stalkers at the 7-11? Maybe not. But whether you do or not, I have a confession to make. I seem to be really stupid around full moons. Don't know why.

I seem to have a penchant for waiting until the last minute to go to the grocery store on full moons. But then, I have always done that. Nothing ever really came of it, all those years trucking into the grocery store at 2:00 AM. Not so on the night of July 19th, not so tonight, either.

You see, I was minding my own business, going into the store to purchase some chocolate for Ganesha, and some roses for the altar, and I took a bit picking out the roses. I couldn't decide between Gerber daisies or roses. Hm. Finally, I took the roses...I wonder why? :-)

So, I paid for my items, and headed outside. The workers near the door were whispering, and I got an eerie chill. Then I walked out into the humid night, and my glasses fogged up. I saw the man delivering the morning papers, and laughingly said: "I can't see!" He chuckled. Then I crossed the lane to my car, and felt something cold go up my spine. I refused to turn around, and turned my alarm off, unlocked the car and dropped my purchases on the seat. Just then I turned, feeling eyes on my back. A young man had gotten out of the car crossed three car lengths closer to me, and asked if I needed any help. I was a little alarmed, because he had gotten out of a car full of about five guys. I said: "No thank you, but I appreciate the gesture." I smiled, walked to the driver's side, and opened the door.

He continued to stand there, frozen in one spot. He turned his head a little, and said: "You just goin' home and crashin'?" I smiled again, by way of response, and closed the door. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I watched him. I grabbed my phone. He got back in the car, and the car drove around and came back to park awkwardly in the space three cars down from me, partially blocking the lane. I backed out and rolled down my window. They pulled up to roll down their passenger side window.

I was already on the phone with a friend, and I paused in the process of talking to him and said to the guys: "Hey, are you going to leave, or do I need to call the cops?" They replied that they would leave, and for me to go fuck myself. I think that would be far superior to having them fuck me.

I keep thinking about the story of Saraswati protecting Brahma as he is busy being born from the lotus flower in the great being's navel. The demons who try to get at him before he is done growing... I'm certainly not Brahma, but I am a being who is trying to grow.

And yes, I know all the rules about not going out alone that late, but I always have, because of the hours I keep for work, and things like this don't happen that often. But maybe, what the man I met at my friend's house earlier said was true. That I don't know how much power I have, and that the more it grows, the brighter it gets. If I were not somewhat grounded, these things could get in. But I am not as grounded as I could be, and I also have a penchant for the darkness myself. I'm drawn to the darkness with light at it's core, and sometimes it is hard to differentiate that from sheer blackness with no light. I'm also drawn to the light, just as they are. Drawn to the full moon, drawn to the laser beam parked over McDonald's next to the grocery store. How odd, that I would have seen that and thought it safe. Being in the outer edges of the light leaves you vulnerable to the dark things lurking there. I want to be in the light. I want it inside me. I don't want the things from the dark invading my aura.

Apparently, I let my guard down last week, and someone already did, and I got a little sick. Ah, I seem to be so empathic that I get caught up in the lies other people tell themselves in addition to my own. But that story is for another post called: Truly Parasitic from the Get-Go.

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Jul 24, 2005.