Reading What Sucks

People who can kiss my ass:

1. Rock stars who are also surfers

2. Women fucking rock stars who are also surfers, then get dumped / cheated on / beaten up and openly complain about it

A public service message to all women who ever wondered aloud why they "always get involved with the wrong men": Tough shit. Who do you even think you're blaming? The universe? The male sex in general? I'm asking because the only culprit I can see here is you. Contrary to what you keep telling yourself relationships don't just happen, they clearly involve a decision on your part. Who you are fucking is no one's responsibility but your very own.

The next time you've been seduced by untold masculine powers of a rock star who is also a surfer and surprisingly don't experience a happy end, why don't you shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself?

Thank you so much.

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

The funny thing is, only one of The Beach Boys actually knew how to surf. Heh...

"History is more or less bunk." - Henry Ford

Hahaha, i never used internet terms before but lol is definatly applicable here, that really pisses me off too.

Certain women seem to have a tendancie to get in relationships with wrong-uns, and fail to appreciate their signifigance in any part of it and play victim, Babygirls post # 36312touches the subject of contributing to the problem and being responsible for it, why shouldnt he treat you like a bitch huh, if you allow him too.

I express sympathies for genuine victims of control freaks who pick on women with no network of support and get caught up in an unfortunate situation. I cant get my head round why people cant just be straight with people and say what there thinking sometimes.

like i say here # 37559
" I think that stupidity has a certain charm and can be a likeable feature in a person but ignorance does not. If them girls wind up with a boring, miserable life because they listened to adverts, fashion mags or some guy on TV telling you how to do your thing, then THEY DESERVE IT. "

Same applies to realationships man, if its behind your back, tough ride, but when its blatently in your face and you dont believe that fat meat is greasy,

why don't you shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself?

themoreyouknowthemoreyouknowyoudontknowwhatyouknow

I express sympathies for genuine victims of control freaks who pick on women with no network of support and get caught up in an unfortunate situation. I can't get my head round why people can't just be straight with people and say what they are thinking sometimes.

A yeah. To that one, brother. At least you gave out one loophole. And I have to say, that I am kinda sorry I ever posted about 'Primadonna blondes', cause I don't like it when I rail on people who don't know any better. And yet, like NiQuE says...I think--and I am paraphrasing here-- buying into the culture that treats you like a 'bendable doll' is stupid.

But there are other things that are worse.

Like not ever noticing that the strong people you see around you could have been in situations like that, been trapped because of finances, (and possibly children that they love, which wasn't my case...), low self-esteem, lack of a truly decent support network of friends and family, and flat out fear! of people who threaten to cut your cat in half, kill your family, mail the body parts to you... ad infinitum. And when you have the emotional stability of a mouse, you can easily believe this shit. And you can make yourself believe it just so you can survive. I was there. Once. I know. What it's like. And I never dated a rock star who 'surfed' either in the ocean or on the net.

Aside: Bunk, you are so funny. I like your interjections.

Listen. This is what I told people years ago, when I left my abuser. I lived a very sheltered life until I met him. My closest friend was my mom. She died. He was there. He swooped me up, off my feet, I thought I fell in love...and then the tables turned. He did it on purpose. He even said so...eventually. And by the time he did, my heart was so twisted. SOMEHOW, I found the courage to leave. And then some asshats told me they couldn't respect a woman who would let anyone hurt her like that. I'll say what I said to all of those people: Most women (and men, let's be honest...they get hurt too) who are in relationships like that for more than a few months --try years-- are usually either still there, by that point, or they are dead.

I'm neither. So there. I GOT out. The only mistake I really made after that, was talking about it to the wrong people. I told people like that back then: Instead of judging me for having been there, try having respect for the fact that I left without ANY of your help or anyone else's, for that matter. I left 6 years ago. I tried to explain to people what it was like, so they could understand, but I guess you just don't until you've been there. I might add, apropos of nothing, they say abusers use your bad behaviour to justify their actions, and rationalize them to you...

I'll add that my abusive boyfriend from way back when, railed constantly against buying into the cultural stereotype of being blonde, overly made-up, and sporting huge tits. I thought, at the time, that he was saying he loved me just the way I was...he was just feeding my hatred of women who were fake. He figured he'd get me all tattooed and pierced up, looking like a little goth chick, and I'd feel beholden. Point is...whatever you look like, whomever you date, you should know who you are as a person before you go trying to find someone else. If you don't do that, you'll end up being their 'dumb blonde', 'goth chick', 'surfer girl'...or for that matter, 'surfer dude', 'jock', and 'shiny-shirt guy'.

Anyway, I believe that I hear what Jaz is saying. He was only talking about people who date loosers, I think...not necessarily abusers. I think he is saying: if you aren't going to face up to it, or do anything about it, stop bending my ear, dammit. He just doesn't wanta hear it. And I don't blame him. Bitching about it, and doing nothing doesn't help. There's a girl I know who does just that.

But, conversely, saying that if you are 'ignorant' enough to buy into the cultural stuff, means you deserve to be treated badly, is messed up. NOBODY DESERVES IT. They just probably shouldn't bitch about it if they don't really want to leave, and are sick enough to get off on it. On THAT, I'll agree. If you know what you are getting into...no excuse. If you didn't...well. Refer back to everything I said above.

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Aug 06, 2005.

You are defined by the people you are with, I think.

If suddenly you find yourself surrounded by people who are using you, it is because the type of relationship you encourage are ones in which they need someone to use, and you aren't the wiser (not talking about you specifically, rosy).

Likewise, if you are surrounded by friendly helpful people, it is probably because you are very friendly and helpful to them.

And, if you find yourself surrounded by people you don't recognize to love you anymore, it is because you have grown and they have not.

Moral of the story? Surround yourself by people who you would strive to be like.

If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done

I understand what you are saying Hawkeye, I truly do...but might I add, that it isn't just that "like attracts like". It's part of it, yes...and with you pointing that out, it has reminded me that even if one's heart is in the right place with people...if you are "needy", you tend to overwhelm the nice people, and broadcast yourself as easy prey for the mean ones.

Once you've been inside that kind of negativity for a while, you begin to fear people. As a hypnotist said to me once: you come from a place of moving away from people, instead of towards them.

More than anything, fear attracts negativity. Need does as well, at times; especially when it is an overwhelming need. You may be willing to give in proportion to what you need, but not have the resources with which to do it. So by default, you fall into the hands of nefarious characters. If you are lonely and looking for love, and you come from a place of fear, even if you have nice things to give to people, that fear mentality <or victim mentality> if you will, attracts the predators. They seem to be able to just 'smell' it on you. And it's hard to see sometimes that sweet loving ladies' men are predators as well.

I think it is key for anyone who keeps finding themselves in relationships like that to spend an awful lot of time just being friends and hanging out with people. No commitments. You can so easily fall into old patterns. They seem so comfortable, because you know them.

The big problem for women and men who end up with abusive partners, or keep dating predators like ladies' men, is that they think they can trade sex for love. They unfortunately tend to be mutually exclusive endeavors early on in a relationship. Impatience is a hard thing for lonely people to deal with...they want instant relationships. But relationships aren't like Cool-Aid. They take time, don't they?

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.

I do apologise rosyxxx if what i said upset you, i never meant for that, and maybe that was a bit harsh? But what i had in mind when i wrote that was definatly not someone like you or in a similair scenario. More towards women like my aunt who feels she needs a man as soon as she becomes single again subesquently going to a club and getting chatted up by the good looking ladies man on the dance floor whos a bit of a jack the lad, immediatly she starts a realationship with him and never gets no straight answers from him or commitment, a few weeks later shes all emotional complaining what a bastard he is when it was obvious to me he was only out to meet someone to have sex with in the first place and hes proberly got other girls already, i feel like telling her to get with the program when she rambles on about her theories of men when shes the one playing into a "players" hand in the first place.

But, conversely, saying that if you are 'ignorant' enough to buy into the cultural stuff, means you deserve to be treated badly, is messed up. NOBODY DESERVES

Also when i talk about deseving it, again no offense intended i dont mean to sound cold and im not offensive in charecter or proberly got the balls to say certain things i may say her to real people because id be aware of their feelings,sometimes ill give an abrubt conclusion of mine without my reasons off why as ive debated it to myself already enough, to elaborate more clearly, id say we live in a world where people preach at you constantly (like now, even) -- telling you not to be fat, you can't smoke, you can't eat butter, sugar will kill you, everything is bad for you -- especially sex. Every natural human urge has been thwarted in one way or another, so that some corporate cocksucking ad man gets to make a pound note off your guilt. Certain people buy into this because they don't want to rock the boat. Unfortunately, adaptation of this sort requires that the adaptee willingly destroys his own personality and i dont see that as a good thing, dont be upset because you havent got a merc is what i meant, if you are, you deserve to be so don't wait around for respect from other people.

I suggest we learn to take anything bad that happens to us and polarize it. Instead of being overwhelmed by a negative event, dodge to the side like those t'ac chi guys and let it whizz by your trousers, maybe it makes a little breeze - big deal (please dont mistake this for optimism)

As the planet gets more crowded we must realise that slack is precious, idiots are plentiful, impingements are impractical and werewolf etiquette for self defense is a personal necessity.
Techniques must be developed to enable each of us to escape the other guys bullshit (just as he wishes to escape ours)

People should be encouraged to look after their own self-interest, but avoid inflicting themselves on other people. It has been said that ignorance is bliss - im not so sure, perhaps i have been deprieved in this regard but never having been truly ignorant i find it difficult to speak of such a blissful state.

I have however, observed a lot of other people who were certifiably ignorant, and i wouldnt say they were in a state of bliss. They were having a good time, but i wouldnt call it bliss. When we celebrate ignorance, and make the national standards of excelllence we embarress ourselves. We celebrate it in hit records, TV sitcoms, most films, most commercials and, to a great extent in our schools.

Schools fail to equip the kids with things like logic, and they dont give them criteria by which to judge between good and bad in any product or sittuation, they are groomed and launched to function as mindless buying machines for the products and concepts of a multinational military industrial complex that needs a world of primadonnas to survive

As long as your just smart enough to do some kind of job and just dumb enough to swallow the bunting, youll be "all right" but if you venture beyond that you run the risk of mysterious headaches. I believe schools have a search and destroy system aimed at any hint of creative thinking exibited by students, someone plans the curriculem, someone writes the textbooks, someone sets the standards, someone watchs to make sure it all goes well and someone pays big bucks for this shit... I dont want to appear bitter, this is just a simple thought not nessicerily right or wrong and im not offensive to someone however they act So long as somebody gets a laugh out of
it, what the fuck?

Ive full respect for you getting out of what you were in, i know a woman who was in a similar situation for ten years, her guy shut down any contact of hers, made the rules, raped her e.T.C she was even shouted at in their room while the kids were next door for two hours telling her lies about herself and how its her fault to the point she gave in and started to believe it, shes was robbed oh her journey into personal development.

The guys a loner, them guys are sad acts who should be shot dead and buried, shes currently in refuge with the kids and police even told us to move her to the other side of the country concerned with his similarity to the kind that murder everyone. So im definatly sympathetic with your situation you were in.

themoreyouknowthemoreyouknowyoudontknowwhatyouknow

I suggest we learn to take anything bad that happens to us and polarize it. Instead of being overwhelmed by a negative event, dodge to the side like those t'ai chi guys and let it wizz by your trousers, maybe it makes a little breeze -big deal (please don't mistake this for optimism).

Ha ha!! I like that image alot. Feels kinda like that backbend from "The Matrix".

I see everything you are trying to say...I get it. I follow now. And as for the dude whom your friend is fleeing from...she's not only in danger from him, but from others like him...men and women. When you have been inside a relationship like that, you almost have 'easily manipulable sweetheart' tattooed on your forehead, and this goes as well for the ladies' men.

But as far as she is concerned, it's so easy to think that the only 'villain' who will come into your life ever again is the nut who hurt you; when there are others waiting in line. Just as there are really wonderful and kind people out there.

I read something the other day to the effect that if you spend too much time dwelling on the bad, you will inadvertently draw it to you. It isn't just how you act that attracts people to you, it's what you think about. Your thoughts speak louder than words sometimes...

So, even if you are kind and considerate to people, if you come from a place of fear...the dogs on the street will know it. It's so hard to learn to trust people. It really is.

I have to admit, I've met some really cool people here online. Even without a face, the personality comes through. Eventually. The more I chat, the more I learn. Thanks.

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.

Hahaha... Its funny but its not. Nicely said Jaz!

Women fucking rock stars who are also surfers, then get dumped / cheated on / beaten up and openly complain about it

I agree. That type of relationship is retarded in every sense of the word. I wouldn't say that it were only rock star surfer guys that these idiot women are attracted to, it seems to be the entire general low life/jerk wad population.

Ahem...

I think that the majority of the reasons why some women continue to put themselves in idiot box relationships is because of:

1. Low self esteem. They don't think they can do better
2. They're too LAZY to try to do better
3. They had KIDS
4. They crave attention
5. The abusive/cheating/ass boyfriend or husband has actually been able to manipulate them into believing that they are actually in love

Most of the time though, I think it's a combination of the above 5 points...

Stupid women like this (and I honestly do think they are stupid) need to realize that anyone who hurts them in any kind of way isn't someone that they can actually say that they genuinely love. Its a false notion!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...

I see people who make the same kind of bad choice over and over and scratch their heads and ask themselves why do I keep ending up with the same kind of person.

I have a thought, a person who keeps choosing the same kind of mate in a relationship should realize that's a huge clue to the fact that there is somthing seriously wrong with how they make their choice in a partner.
My answer to the problem is this, deal with yourself first. Learn who you are and change what you can about yourself and see that making the same bad choice will end you up back in the same mess.
Question: Do some people have a craving to be abused so that their world "feels" right?
Question: Why would anyone want or need to feel abused to make their world "feel" right?

a couple of answers: Look at what your lacking in what you actually need. If a person is starving to death all they think about is food.
If a child is starving for safe healthy parenting they go looking for it.
What they keep doing over and over is being drawn to a parent figure in a partner who will be like their parent.
If the parents teach their children that abuse is what love is then the child who is starving for genuine love, compassion and the safe secure inviroment that all children need, then the child as they grow up will look for what they have been taught is what they are gaurenteed to have.

So, you have women who have a history (there are men out there like this too) of choosing abusive partners.
They are in fact in a life long search for what they should have had but can't figure out why if they end up in a great relationship they end up leaving it and keep going back to the same absuive kind of partner that resembles the abusive parent.

We repeat what we have been taught and very often we end up acting like our parents. The seed does not fall far from the tree.
There are exceptions of course. But I've found the above to be the norm.
Parents need to learn and understand that what they do to their children is going to either continue the cycle of bad things or set them on a better road.

With that in mind, I feel a great senes of sadness at the repeditive cycle of violent and distructive behavior.
At the same time I feel frustrated that they don't seem to understand that change is possible and at some point in life you have to assess what your doing and make changes where nessiary.

The biggest excuse that I've heard over and over is this: "It's the way I am and I can't change it"
Unless it's an actual chemical imbalance in the brain, change in behavior is always possible.
Problem is, most people don't like the discomfort that comes with the nessiary work to change bad behavior.
Changing means who they thought they were and how their lived their lives will no longer exist.
And it's scary to come face to face with the reality of if what I know and have known is gone, then what will I do?

Just a few thoughts.

This post was edited by harold_maude on Aug 08, 2005.