Reading jael's journal

I never really hated a person, disliked many people for various reasons but never actually held a strong grudge against a person until recently.

I don't understand people who tend to be manipulative, revengeful and seem to hide everything they feel so you are left in complete and utter darkness.

One of my roomates is one such person - situation goes something like this - When you first meet her, you'd probably have one of the best immpressions of her and for a year or more I did, she seemed to be so sweet and perfectly innocent and was a angel compared to me and the things I did. Never smoke never drank, never stayed out late, didnt go out partying much and even if she did, all she'd do is dance and come back home the latest at about 3 in the morning.

She a perfect daughter to her parents and was a very good listener and would understand most of your problems...
I always wondered if I could ever measure up to her, I have never seen her lose her temper, swear, get pissed off.. she pretty much the calmest person I've known.

But you see, living with a person and just knowing them as a friend are two completely different things.
She pretty much lives in two houses with her boyfriend, and I believe that if our parents wearnt so traditional and scrict about not having boyfriends and things like that, there was a good chance that she would move and and live with him. (The best part is, she's been with him for over a year and they've never slept together as she has morals against this sort of a thing - thats how perfect she seems to be!)

I'm a pretty upfront kind of person, and if there is anything bothering me, I'd probably confront you about it and solve the matter immediatly, and usually when making friend, I've noticed I'm the one going up to some one saying hi, or even when we are at home together (lets call her XYZ) I'd be the one going into her room and hanging out with her, telling her about my day and other things like that.
This time I chose not to do so and see if she'd do the same and come talk to me in my room or have a friendly conversation every now and then. That apparently didnt, happen. She couldnt be bothered less with what happened to me or not whether I was left at home alone or not or anything.

My music is always blasting loud when I'm at home and I've noticed when she comes home she wouldnt acknowledge whether or not I'm there and go straight into her room without even saying hey.
All the more I've found out that I've pissed her off on several occasions and she hasnt been bothered to tell me that she thinks i've done something wrong, rather wait for the perfect moment to do something as hurtful or even more so when I'm at my most vunrable situation and in the most subtle way possible.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that when we hang around I'm the one who does most of the talking and the truth is I dont know so much about what she is feeling/thinking or even other things.

Obviously with such emotions building up there is bound to be a burst and from me - when that finally did happen, she comes up with a hundred things I've done wrong that I wasnt even aware of and then told me what she did to counter it back so I knew what she felt like. When ever I point a finger up at her, there would always and i mean always some sort of excuse so it was never really her fault and just mine.

NOw usually (as I know it) when something like this happens and since we are living together the best thing to do about it would be for both to apologise and just move on from it all. It cant always be one person fault as it takes two hands to clap.
I apologised on my part and she just nodded and grandstanded in some sort of way like it was just my fault and nothing else.

I confided this with my other room mate and since she has known for much longer she knew all about her little deceitful ways and has been a bit of a victim to XYZ'd wrong doings (only she doesnt have much of a voice and wont speak up to it so it goes unnoticed)

What irritates me the most is that she seems to get away with pretty much everything she's done knowingly or unknowingly. She's so good at manipulating people to thinking she is a perfect little angel ..

I want her to know what shes done wrong and want to know what I think about her but if I tell her all this, I'd only make living with her a lot harder for me and I have more than 6 months to go.

What do I do? Why are people so decietful? Why cant she tell me if I've pissed her off and make me realize it immediatly so I wouldnt do it again rather than do something to the same extent or even worse for something I had no idea I did.

Could someone give me their perspective to this or even help me understand these things? I cant go on living with a person I start hating the more I see and still put on a plastic smile and pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

Foosh... Aaughh!!... Foosh... Aauuggghh!! - Cold spray deodorant

You said you have six months to go.

You found out that you have to be the one who does for there to be anything at all, in the way of conversation or any kind of relationship.
You learned that what she says, and what she does are two different things.

You also found out that her immage is the most important thing.
Not the physical one, but how certian people view her.
And most important you found out that she stock piles things until she can use them as a weapon to "win".

Unfortunatly there are alot of people in this world who are that way.
And while it's true that you never really know someone until you live with them, you can take relief in knowing you only have six more months.

My advise, based on my own run in's with the same kind of person, even had a real prize one as a room mate for about six months.
Manipulitve bastard that he was.
You can do two things, play the game she keeps drawing you into, or just look at her for what she is and realize that it will catch up with her.
You don't have to be friends with her in order to get through the next six months.
It would make things more pleasant, but it's not nessiary.

You have your own life to be concerned about, and just because she does the stupid things she does doesn't mean you have to get suckered in.
Realize this about people who need to manipulate the world around them to feel in control of their own world, that your emotions and your life are worth far more than she has to offer you.
You can choose to ignore her, realize she pisses you off and go on with your life.

Sometimes you have to just accept the fact that people really don't give a shit about anything but getting what they want.
When I meet and have to deal with these kinds of people, I tend to put emotional distance between me and them.
They are not worth me spending any energy on or anything else either for that matter.

Let her blow, let her bluster, and just laugh it off.
You'll get through the next six months easier.
The only thing that would make me do anything at this point is if she starts ripping you off or talking bad shit about you behind your back.
And if she does, know this, (I've gone through this too) the people who know you and who really are your friends will know she's full of crap because they know you.
And you can confront her if it gets back to you that she's been doing that. Take the person who told you with you when you do confront her and watch her squirm.

Just a thought or two.

Thank you Harold Maude and Rosyxxx, you've both been really helpful.

I've decided to take your advise and just keep a distance between her and just take it as a lesson in tolerance.

Hopefully things go easily and I should be as ignorant as she is emotionally and toward her only.

bottom line is "whats your business is none of mine"

Foosh... Aaughh!!... Foosh... Aauuggghh!! - Cold spray deodorant

I don't know what your roommate does to get back at you for imagined ills, but I'll bet if you ignore her efforts, and just divorce yourself from the situation as much as possible it will eventually end. If not in the next few months, then at least in six months when it is over, finally.

If you keep taking a deep breath, thinking about other things that make you happy, and ignoring her efforts at retaliation...you will likely inspire her to step-up her efforts to annoy you, and 'get you back' for whatever it is that she thinks you've done for a while. And then, unless she is a completely vindictive pain-in-the-ass with nothing but the desire to do you one better, and way too much time on her hands to do that stuff... I said, unless she is one of those types, she'll just drop off her bad behaviour.

But, since you just want to get out of the roommate relationship relatively unscathed...I would guess I'd suggest just politeness, and beyond that, avoiding being in her vicinity as much as possible. Any way that you can do that. And don't get tempted into being angry, because that is just what she likely wants (unknowingly on her part, of course :/), and if you are angry, then she can put it off on you. Kill her with kindess, as they say. And try the 'pity' thing, quietly of course, to yourself. It is easier not to get mad at people for behaving that way when you pity them for being so misguided.

Even better than pity, is compassion for whatever made her what she is today...but I won't be the first to admit this: compassion for obnoxious pains-in-the-ass like that is not easy. I find it very hard to extend to some people. I try, but I don't always succeed. I must say though, I have really appreciated it when people have extended that to me, while I was busy being an asshole.

It's not the most satisfying thing to do, to just 'not react'...but at least, you end up a little less scathed by their attempts to unnerve you, and pull you into their little quagmire.

Best of luck.

My mind is made up...not like my bed, which is a mess.