Reading harold_maude's journal

I'm standing in front of a make line table making a pizza.
The ingredients are listed in the "recipie" that hangs about eye level.
I go through the motions, trying to make something that will be apatizing to look at and eat as well.
I try to go as fast as I can, there are other orders waiting...the owner walks in and gets upset because I'm putting to much on the pizza of each topping.
The end result, a pizza I wouldn't pay for much less eat.

It's ten a.m. There is a mad rush to get things out to the buffet. The food list is the same every day. This is about the third or fourth buffet I've been a part of.
The pizza reminds me of the cheap frozen kind, the ones that grocery stores sell 10 for 10.00.
A buck a pizza.
Not worth the money. Cheap ingredients. Cheap food.
And that's what I'm helping to put out there...a hog trough.
Hog food.

But it's a job.

I walk through the doors of the massive store. Stuff everywhere. Rows and rows of packaged things, put together in factories, many of them overseas. Cheap and fast. And the people who put them together are making next to nothing.
But the people who own the companies are making money.
The big over sized circus store where people crowd in like hogs or cattle being herded into shoots ready for slaughter.

It makes me sick. I see the plastic smiles on the workers face.
But it's a job.

I walk into the doors of the mall. A place I try to avoid at all costs.
Insanity rules here. They worship the god of green here. And girls hardly old enough to be out of the playing with dolls stage are dressed in clothes more suited to a night club than shopping are everywhere.
The shops with the latest fashions are filled with children acting out the fantasies of wanting to look like the currant hot stars out there.
And you look at their faces and wonder how long they spent in front of a mirror putting on make-up.
I wonder what some of them look like with out it.

The cashiers behind the counters don't make enough money to do little more than very little.
But it's a job.

Somewhere in all of this madness we call economy quanity became more important than quality.
There is much to be said for quality, and the lasting effect it has on people.
But it seems that quality is becomming more reserved for the very rich.
And the rest of the population are given the hog trough treatment.

It's sick.

It reminds me so much of the few starving artists sales that I have happened upon.
Lots of cheap crap. Stuff to throw on a wall and when your bored you just sell it at your next yard sale.
Where did the notion that anything worth doing was worth doing well go?
What happened to the idea that it was a good thing to take pride in what you created?
Have we fallen so far down in a money pit that all that matters is that as long as people buy it, it's ok to keep doing it?

It's like a sick bad dream.
I want to wake up and find that people care about what they do.
I want to wake up and go to my job and make beautiful food that people can remember after they leave.
It feels good to do something that makes another person smile.
It feels great to see something come out of the oven that tells me I did my best.
When it's missing, it's hard to see any value in going to a job that for me isn't about money.
If it was about the money, I would have left when I was told how much I would make per hour.
It's a little business and it's becomming this thing that resembles what I hate about the mall and all the super maga stores that are like gaping wounds that ooze smelly puss making everything it supports just as sick and just as pointless.

But it's only a job...right? So why should I care? Why do I care?
Because if I stop caring about what I'm putting my hands to, then I'm just like the corporate monsters that have sold their souls to the god of the green...
and I want to be able to keep looking at myself in the mirror and not have to deal with being ashamed because I had a hand in treating people like hogs when I finish my shift at work.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

The only reason that this is being allowed to happen is that the consumer continues to accept lower and lower levels of quality for the products they want. The corporations can be blamed insomuch as they are the ones causing this to happen. However, they wouldn't be doing it very long if people refused to buy their cheap crap.

I, too, wish that I could wake up and see that the world has realized the mistakes they have been making and decide to correct them. Unfortunately, in my experience, most people don't think their is anything wrong with the way things are.

It would be very simple to believe that only reason that things are the way they are is that the consumer continues to accept cheaper goods and keeps paying for them.
It would be easy to fix. Just stop buying the stuff and then it ends up in the landfills. Right? Demand better quality. Demand and not spend, until it changes, right?

It's a bit more complexed than that. It starts at the top. Always at the top. The people who are making the most money are intent on continuing that trend.
And then there is that box that children feed off of from the time their in diapers that convinces them that their life would be much better if they had this or that.
They, we, the buying public are never told what we are really spending our money on. We're just told we need it.
And we believe it. Over and over.

Meanwhile in the business world, investors are expecting profits. So what's the answer? Go cheaper, cut costs, cut corners and give the consumer better prices. The lack of quality will never be missed.

Meanwhile I get a pair of pliars from a well known, long standing company that breaks after using it to cut four individual wires.
I contact the company. Tell them of the problem. They ask me if I want a replacement. I tell them I what I want is a better product. Nothing happens.

Meanwhile I buy a paint set. Designed for children. Watercolor.
I open the tubes of paint and get sick from the fumes.
I call the company and tell them there is a serious problem with their product. They ask me if I want a replacement. I tell them what I want is for them to tell the company they are getting the paint from that they are making people sick by putting this crap out there.
Nothing happens.
I go to the store and complain to the management. They ask if I want a replacement. I tell them this product made me sick, and because this product is geared tord kids, they need to remove it from their shelves, and send it back and tell the company that makes this crap that either they get someone else who cares to make the paint or they will stop doing business with them.
The managment is polite. They offer me a replacement, of the same shit as made me sick. I tell them I don't want it. They tell me they will "look" into it.
Two months later I go back. It's still on the shelves, only now it's on sale, and people are considering buying it.

Walmart gets most of it's product from China. There was a recient incident about the rate of exchange, and walmart would end up getting the short end of the stick.
And they pass it on to you and me.

Part of the problem is that in this country money reigns supreme.
No one wants to work for anything but the green. The green runs our lives.
And we are a disposable society now. On every level. We've become mass consumers.
And no one gives a shit what the end result is like. We can always throw it away. It was cheap anyway, and who cares if we put one more thing in the land fill, or throw the empty soda or beer can out the window.

The problem as a whole has more to do with we've been trained, geared into the mentality of consume, and if you get bored, or something breaks, just throw it away.
We throw away so much stuff. Things and could be fixed, things that could be put togethere better.
But why should we, when there are wharehouses filled to the brim with more of the same crap?

And that goes into every area of this lovely mess. Cattle are fed antibiotics and steroids to make them bigger and fatter, and more toxic. (you only hear about the toxic part when alot of people get sick and end up either dying or getting real close)
Chickens are fed growth hormones, which are really really cheap, and they get so big and so fat really really fast to the point where alot of them end up exploding inside because their frame isn't designed for their size.
And why is this? Because we have been told and have believed that this is good for us.
It's cheap, and the savings are passed on to the consumer.
Who happily dines on toxic meat and thinks they are getting a great deal.

In the mean time, because the federal goverment has placed certian standers of quality of many of the products we consume, and thoes guide lines of standards can be worked around by big massive corporations in a number of ways, we get to enjoy the end result...
It's about money, and the belief that we should trust our goverment and what they are doing.
Wrong.
The only real way to change anything, is for everything to fall apart and then maybe the people will stand up and say no more, and maybe it will make a difference.
But as long as money is the god of this country, I don't think so.

As for me, I keep on trying to do everything I do the best I can.
I can't and won't do less. I have to live with myself.
And when this buiness goes the way of the huge corporation, I will walk away and do something else.
I'm not being paid enough to be happy producing crap.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

I have to say, rather late in the game, that there ARE products out there that are made with quality specifications...made to last, made not to break, made to taste good, and not kill you in the process.

But...................those products are generally cost-prohibitive to the 'general public'. Generally, only the upper middle class, and the upper class can afford them on any consistent basis. I mean you can get appliances from Brookstone that work like a charm, but they cost an arm and a leg. Most of the higher end vehicles are built to last...but how many people can afford them? And then there is chocolate. You can buy Hershey's, m&m Mars, or some other such mass-produced conglomeration of a chocolate bar...or you can go to small specialty stores, where their chocolate has been made by hand, and filled with all manner of good ingredients, and the chocolate has gone through the "conching" process to remove any bitterness. That is if it is milk.

Even hair accessories. I have a lovely barette bought for me in Toronto, from the same shop that several celebrities, whose names I can't currently remember (ha!) shop at...this barette will last a fucking lifetime. It isn't going to fall apart anytime soon.

It seems the finer things in life still exist, and people do take pride in making them, but either they themselves charge an arm and a leg for them, or someone else exploits them and does the same thing. Either way, it's expensive.

For some reason I keep thinking of Inigo Montoya's father in the movie: The Princess Bride; you know, the beautiful sword his father made for the six-fingered man...and how the six-fingered man took the sword and killed his father for it, refusing to pay what he had promised to pay. Incidentally, I run into alot of rich bitches and assholes at work who do the very same thing. I keep checking for extra fingers or toes on them, as I hear that is a sign of a good pedigree. Aarf!

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

Exactly....nodding head to show mass agreement...now you said they have six fingers?

I love that movie. I love the part where Indigo says that he's been looking for revenge for so long that he doesn't know how to do anything else.

What an awesome picture of someone being bent one way for so long that they can't remember how to stand up right...:)

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

This is sort of a long post, so I apologize.

Well the problem is supply and demand. Corporations are colorblind. The only spectrum they see is money or no money. I hate to be pessimistic, but companies always seem to "care" when their pocket gets fat as a result.

Lets say a starving artist creates a masterpiece. Suddenly, everybody wants a painting like that one to put in their house. The corporation, like an eagle spotting its prey from the cliffside, sees an opportunity. They offer the starving artist a contract to buy the rights for the paintings and for his future paintings to also be bought by the corporation alone. They take the masterpiece and mass produce it creating millions upon millions of 5 by 3 foot posters offering it to every walmart in the country.

The artist sees little of this money, being promised a salary, and not a percentage of the profits gained. Meanwhile, the people are happy. They have a copy of this masterpiece in their home, and they could care less of its authenticity. At this point, it isn't art. It is christmas decoration. It is crap. Nobody seems to care, though, and so nothing changes.

Although, I've seen the other side of the spectrum. Celebrities demanding their own multi-million dollar homes equipped with a "never-been-used" pool, jacuzzi, indoor swimming pool, a 32,000 square foot bathroom (one for each bedroom in the house), trophy room, 70 inch plasma tv monitor, a car to make anyone drool, and a numerous collection of other odds and ends meant to impress by its sheer cost.

Did you know that when the olsen twins went to college, they couldn't settle for a normal dormitory. No, that wouldn't be right to subject a celebrity to "average" standards. Rather, in an extremely lavish apartment building, they bought the ENTIRE floor (4 very expensive apartment suites). Let me remind you that one of these is adequate enough for an entire family to live quite comfortably as a permanent residence.

Crystal-encrusted cell phones, million dollar jewelry, their own tropical island..

Honestly, it makes me sick. I don't think it has anything to do with celebrities inparticular but the human soul. If a human being is presented enough money such that they can live their entire lives and not ever worry about running out, how would that human being live? It seems he would live lavishly throwing money without a moments notice. If a normal person walked into a jewelry shop and asked for a watch, and it was too expensive, he would leave. On the contrary, if a rich person walked into a jewelry shop and asked for a watch, the clerk might even hike the price up 50 times its normal rate, and all it would do is make the green eyes of the person sparkle even more for that object.

What ever happened to charity? What ever happened to securing your children's future? Why must everything desireable have to be acquired?

The lives of celebrities is only further proof to me that human beings are materialistic and that if we all had the opportunity to have something we wanted, we would have it and even more. In retrospect, it makes that guy who wants as much food for his money by buying frozen store pizzas surprisingly refreshing. At least he is genuine and looking to survive.

Another observation I've noticed is that nobody seems to be in the middle of this spectrum. They always want everything they can get their hands on irregardless of price, or they just want the most for their money. And an even scarier observation is that perhaps the only dividing line between these mentalities is money.

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

This post was edited by Hawkeye on Sep 26, 2005.

Awesome post. I see it too, everywhere. Like some kind of crazy infection gone haywire.

About a year ago, a question went through my head. If I destroyed everything I "own" which isn't alot, would it change who I was?
I wanted to have a burn. Now a burn is a great thing. I wanted to build a huge bon fire with all my art, all my clothes except for what I was wearing, all of my books, beads, jewerly I'd made, the few dishes I have and burn it to ash.
Everyone around me freaked out at the idea of me burning my art.
They were convinced I had lost it.
They were prepared to remove my art to a safe place.

And these are people who are millitant in their beliefs about the toilet bowl the society is swimming around in, and that it needs to go through a really big flush to wash the crap away, and get some prioities straight.

They missed what I was thinking about. It isn't about the stuff. It's about who you are. The place where the art comes from can't be destroyed.
When I first wrote this, I was sad and disgusted because this little pizzaria used to be a really cool place to go to.
Mom and pop place.
The people who work there wanted to work there because of what kind of place it was.
The food was wonderful.

What really pissed me off was this, the guy who owns this place is an artist in the kitchen.
And he's absorbed now with money. Lots and lots of money.
The quality of what comes out of that place is medocre at best, and most of the time it's worthless.
They serve better quality at domino's, and I won't eat at domino's, it's too corporate and I can't stand corporations, they are in my humble opinion, a wound in the soul of this country that's causing life to be drained away.

Working there, in the brief two months, even in that time, I saw things steadily going down hill, and it pissed me off.
It made me think about what I see every time I go into the city, and it pissed me off more.

People selling their soul for something you can take a match to and torch real easy.
Money has become this angry selfish greedy god sitting on the backs of people who are loosing themselves, and they don't seem to give a fuck that it's happening.
The kids that are being raised in the middle of this mess are seeing this and think it's normal to go into a store and be surrounded by junk that's designed to fall apart.
The ideology is insane.
They see the celebrities with all their crap going on, and that's what they want.
But they don't see the other side.
They arn't told.
They get old enough to get a job and because they have been raised on crap and how easy it is to just go to the mall or the store and buy something anytime you want they have no concept of what work is.
Bordom rules. Entertaiment is the thing, be entertained.
Entertained until you fill your world with things your bored with and throw it in the garbage because there is the latest and newest thing just waiting for you at the mall.

And the way things are designed now in many places that many kids get their first job is so that even a brain dead moron could do the job.

There is a book called fast food nation which is excellent, hard to read though because of what it does to you when you do read it.
I know a couple of people at least, that after reading it stopped eating at Mc Donalds.

Like with many other things I end up writing about, this was my response.
It makes me angry. And it makes me sad. There is a commercial out there, I don't know if it's still on, but there is a statement that says "Quality is job one" That's bulshit. It's about production.
Quality that used to be avilible to all is now reserved for those with enough money to pay for it.
It sucks.

I know I have to find another job, but it's getting harder each time it happens because the idea that I have to take a job in someplace that only is interested in how much I produce rather than if it's worth anything makes me ill.

From where I sit, it's like a person puking up dinner and then going back and playing in it.
That's pretty much why I wrote the orignal post.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

Funny how working at malls gives us a rather skewed look at the world. I imagine it's the same one a fish has from his tank. I can see all around him, and it looks like the complete world, but like Plato's 'men in the cave' it's really a shadow of the world around us.

Prison has the same effect. It gave me a rather skewed view of well, minorities and poor whites. I'm from suburbia, USA, so it was a rude awakening for me.

The first time I worked in the mall it was at Wilson's the leather poeple :) I was 19 or 20, and I was surrounded by cool things, and it was great for me, still going to college. All my friends hung out there, over all it's a cool way of life when one is young and doesn't have to worry about a real job.
Eventually i went from there to a real clothing store, where I made commission. I loved dressing nice, and spending my money on alterations so I looked nice. It made me feel nice about myself, and the job, and the customers. I worked in the polo section, and made nice money.

Ok, so life was great??! Well, no. I drank alot, and drank myself out of a job.
Working there might have put me in nice clothes and given me a social life, but I was just too young.

As a result, I wound-up getting a job as a bar back at a very busy night club--lol--partially cause I came dressed so nicely :)
I That was a great job cause I could drink more freely.

This isn't an advertisement for A.A., I promise.

Under the surface, I was probably just as miserable as you working there. My immediate surroundings were more "upscale" (for lack of a better word), but it still fills you will the same shitty feeling, (and this goes back 15-18 years now) that alot of the crap we were selling was VERY expensive, and perhaps made with as much care or feeling as your pizza.
On a easy 25% of the buttons and zippers in all the leather stuff at Wilsons world get returned for defects in the materials. The shit is just cheap.

May I make a suggestion: if you're interested in quality workmanship, go to a TRUE antiques store, and look for furniture. Mind you--NOT of of these (many) imitation store who have like "collectables," or mostly 1950's kitsch. But a real one. Lots of libraries also great also. I love the New York P.L. cause it is so insanely monumental in workmanship and detail to finish, and all of it that it gives one a year's antidote against the ordinary and banal.

haha...i've long said about NY that it's quiet in unusual places, and brilliant at unusual times.

Generally, I love this discussion of quality vs. quality. Robert Persig talks about it in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence.
Quality: what kind are you looking for? Everything has some quality to it!
:)
cheers
~

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

I love wandering around in antique shops. Old junk stores are cool too.
When you run your hands across things, you can almost feel the person who made it and the parts of themself they imprinted into it.

I don't work at the pizzaria anymore. I got let go because the guy saw that there wasn't enough buisness at night when I worked, actually there wasn't enough proffit being made durring the day and then the same at night for his comfort level of things.
Since I was the most recient hier, I got let go.
Like I do where ever I end up, I worked hard. It didn't matter.
Come to find out this guy makes lots of money.
More than I will ever make in my life time.
But his love for the green has turned the place into a production crap shoot.

I'm glad I'm not there anymore. Too much grief.
Now I just need to find another shit hole to work in so I can continue to live here.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

Yep, i know exactly what you mean mate, as least you got a positive out of your negative though right, youve discovered your by no means alone...

I cant stay long actually so im keeping this short, wasnt intending to post today but wanted to drop you a link :-)

Youll need adobe acrobat reader for this although not so apt now youve moved on but good stuff for future boss's youll want to know howtofire

themoreyouknowthemoreyouknowyoudontknowwhatyouknow

Oh Disposable Fishspastic, I am soooo liking that link you put up. It is, to say the least, devilishly entertaining. Thank you so much. You have made my day.

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

Thank you so much. You have made my day.

Glad to hear it :-)

themoreyouknowthemoreyouknowyoudontknowwhatyouknow