Reading andromacha's journal

I am here taking a break from studying, because I simply couldn't take it anymore. I feel so frustrated lately. My parents argue often, and there is really a bad tension here in the house, especially because I am taken in between most of the time, when in fact I wouldn't even want to be involved.

With so many things around me, I wonder, how do I study? How can I get ready for my exam and write my thesis at the same time? I feel very nervous, I am worried about not making it, and my professor doesn't help. Everytime I go there for the thesis, he always finds something that is not exactly okay, and wants me to change it, or add stuff or edit things. I am starting to be worried... I don't see the end of it anymore. I started it months ago, and I am still at the first chapter. Everytime it's me taking what I have written and he makes new corrections, and I already know that next time - once I've corrected what I was supposed to - he will find other things that need to be edited.

In the meanwhile I still have 4 books to read by the 20th of September. I only pray I can make it, because at least if I take my last exam now, then everything will be dedicated to my thesis and my thesis only. Maybe only in that way I will actually manage to finish it, and get my well deserved degree.

I have been two months in the USA on holiday, but now that I just got back I am already frustrated and would already need another holiday. Maybe there is something wrong with my head, I don't know. I just feel so nervous and then I tend to get upset at Neil for nothing because I feel so frustrated and my nerves are bulging underneath my skin.

And then this tension generates other tension; I aruge with Neil, and the day after I feel like shit and all I think about is him and how I feel bad for snapping at him or something. My prayer is that I can see the end of these 4 months, so that at least part of my problems will be solved with Neil coming here. I know that if I could feel more serene, other things would certainly be less important problems to face than what they look like now.

I just wish I could already see the end of the tunnel!

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Well, I have put myself under a decent amount of pressure lately. I have prepared a severe plan for me to finish studying for my exam, and I am quite proud of saying that I am respecting it nicely.

However, all of this goes against my own mental health. I have planned to read 200 pages per day; this way I will be done in time, and I will also have some time to review. So in two days I have already read 400 pages of a 600 book, "Ein weites Feld", and I am going to finish that tomorrow. After this, my program plans a two days "break" with only 100 pages to read, so that in those two days I will finish also the next book. On Wednesday and Thursday I will take my English exams (I am not worried about those to say the least), and on Friday and Saturday I will be able to read the last book.

All of this nice plan of mine leaves me 2 days to review everything. Woohoo... I just hope my brain won't start fuming before I am done. null made me promise to go out sometime, because all this stress is definitely not good. And, I have to say that I took up on his advice. I have managed to find half an hour a day to spend out of the house, and other few hours to talk to my dearest Hawkeye too.

I promise that if I can make all of this, then I will treat my brain with more respect from the 20th onwards. However, I will still need to put loads on work on it for a little while more, since I will be working on my thesis. But at least I enjoy doing that... at least until I get frustrated because my professor keeps correcting things or wanting me to adjust this or that...

Too much of this now... I don't want to annoy you guys. Just keep your hands crossed for me.

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".