Reading harold_maude's journal

Last night we had a visit from one of our previous roommates.
He has been living for the past year on the west coast on and near the beach.
Him showing up explains why most of last week all I could think of was the ocean.
Preparation for his arrival.

All of what I've gone through in this last week, and realizing that my thoughts of the ocean were mearly letters being sent to me trying to tell me he was comming and that it was one of the things that I've been waiting on, tells me a few things I didn't know even last week.

It occurs to me that we get information all the time. We get gut feelings about things, we have dreams, the hairs on our arms and neck stand up, that kind of thing.
They are posted notes from the universe trying to talk to us.
That's what it me last night as we visited.

Posted notes.
All the time. Most of the time it would seem that we are too immersed in so much daily chaos that we miss what we're being told, and by the time we get it, our viewing space is literally plasted with posted notes.
We remember those notes in hind sight, and can see them for what they are when we think about the different things along the way, but the thing I think is to learn to reconize a posted note when you see one.

I find myself, after this little window popped open and it went see, and I went whoa, that what I went through is loaded with posted notes, now all I have is read them, and wait.

All of this reminds me of doing prep work for making a dish of somekind.
You get this recipie. It's for something you really want to eat.
You get the ingredients, and do the prep work and then you cook it and finally eat it.
A process.

The things of life, the changes, the experiences, the steps we take and the things we do, can be paralled to this process.

The drive of my life for a very long time has been to live out my purpose and be what I was ment to be (the dish I want to eat)

The experiences, learning tools, hard things, good things, loosing and gaining and then loosing things, looking at it, and trying to learn more, so I can keep going forward (the buying and prep and cooking the food)

And finally feeling more in tune having a clearer thought process and understanding and living out the end result (eating the food)

I'm not sure what the storm was really about, but I do know there is some really old painful things that need to be healed.
Things with my father, which I can only do part of because he has been gone for almost 10 years now.
The cleaning out and changing of things...and one thing that keeps happening, the one thing I have come to a brick wall about over and over.

I suspect that over time all the posted notes and what they say will come clear, and it will all make sense, even the feelings and the things I felt and how close I came to going over the edge.
I don't understand alot of it right now...but I'm sure I will, and it will be one big aha moment.

I was reminded of something I practiced for a very long time, and due to the circumstances of life was unable to practice it as easily.
It's this, that when you are given things, and have your hands clenched tight around those things you can't go forward, the way of recieving any more is stopped because your hands are already full.
Clutching tightly to what's in them.

It's only when our hands are open and stretched forward is there any possiblity to recieve more.
The giving away of what we've been given makes room for more.

I used to practice that alot. And then I slowly slowed down.
Last night I was reminded of that practice and the nessity of it.
So I did just that.
And already this morning I noticed the effect.
It's funny that I didn't have very long to wait for the results.

That's where things are this morning...

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.