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So it's a beautiful day in sunny South Dakota, and I decide to go climbing a local rock formation. This rock formation is near a waterway, and could be fatal if you're not careful. Slippery rocks etc.
It's not far, so I decide to walk there. On the way I walk under an overpass. The fire and rescue is parked on the bridge above, and a few of them are in the river fetching the nearly dead body of a jumper.
"Hmmm, that's a bad omen", I think to myself. But it's been nearly three weeks since I've been outside, so I keep going.
I'm scurrying up a crevasse, and it happens. RRRiipp! And I have a nice tear in the croch of my pants. No problem. It's hidden enough. And I enjoy the ventilation. I just won't be doing any bending over anytime soon.
Eventually I make it up down one side and up the other. When I get to the top of the other side, I come to a guardrail. No problem. I jump it.
RRRRRiiippppp! I now have a tear that goes all the way up to my belt loop. Great. Now I'm going to get ticketed for indecent exposure.
So I take off my shirt, tuck it in the back of my pants, and try to casually walk the sixteen blocks back home.
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