Reading What Rules

Oct 07, 2005 01:15 # 39320

jael *** smiles...

Being in love ...

92% | 5

- when you find yourself smiling as your walking on home.

- Lying in bed (with him), sprawled between the sheets for hours on end just listening to music.

- When I ask him to get an onion and he picks up a garlic.

- When you wake up in the morning and there is something heavy lying down on your chest.

- When he enjoys shopping as much as you do.

- When you've pulled an all nighter, and come dressed like a slob with your hair all messy, he still thinks your the most beautiful girl.

- when he slips ferrero rochers and almond rocas down your pocket when your not looking.

- Going bowling even though both of you are pathetic.

- when hes done somthing stupid and youve prepared a speech and have planned to yell at him but the minute hes appeared you realize there is no way you can yell.

We've had our difficulties... but now for the first time I've experianced a real relationship with the arguments, the awkard silences, the big I'm-sorry-lets-make-up kisses, the smiles and the laughs... I couldnt ask for anything more...

*insert something profound/witty/humorous here*

This post was edited by jael on Oct 07, 2005.

Oct 12, 2005 01:37 # 39449

Aynjell *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

Oh no! Not another beautiful girl slipping through my fingers! *screams*

No, in all seriousness, I'm glad to hear you found that special somebody that you care about. How did you meet this lucky bastard?

I should be ashamed of myself.

Oct 13, 2005 06:22 # 39467

jael *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

About 8 months ago in a club ;)

*insert something profound/witty/humorous here*

Oct 14, 2005 05:11 # 39516

ginsterbusch *** agrees...

Re: Being in love ...

?% | 2

We've had our difficulties... but now for the first time I've experianced a real relationship with the arguments, the awkard silences, the big I'm-sorry-lets-make-up kisses, the smiles and the laughs... I couldnt ask for anything more...

In about a week, I and my beloved one will be together for one complete year. I started into this relationship with some bigger ideals, including the theory that to make a relationship work you also sometimes have to have quarrels and arguments - not always sunshine and happy family-shit. Good to see that others think similar like me. ;)

Good luck then for your relationship - and may it last as long as possible! :)

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

This post was edited by ginsterbusch on Oct 14, 2005.

Oct 14, 2005 17:47 # 39532

Douche *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

What about relationships where there are and have been no arguements or quarells..not even close. So it has only been about three months but we have nothing to argue about and to be honest I cant think of anything that we might argue about in the future.

I think about things that people may argue aabout an dthen I think of why this might happen...trust, sex, family etc...
but its all fine and dandy I'm not complaining at all just..I dont know..its like when we disagree on something either of us will give in and its rare that we do disagree at all!

Maybe its because we both know what its like to be in a bad relationship an dbe cheated ona nd messed around with that now we have both found each other and fallen in love that we are not gonna take it for granted!

But hell yeah being in love does rule..so good call!
douche

I almost had you

Oct 15, 2005 03:54 # 39556

ginsterbusch *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

?% | 1

So it has only been about three months but we have nothing to argue about and to be honest I cant think of anything that we might argue about in the future. (...)

Maybe its because we both know what its like to be in a bad relationship an dbe cheated ona nd messed around with that now we have both found each other and fallen in love that we are not gonna take it for granted!

Well, this will come to you, no matter if you what relationships you had before. The sooner the better. The more you know about your partner - and in the same way he will know you better - the easier you will see his mistakes and failures - and that's the point where you have to make a decision. A good one.

In our relationship, I'm the one who's even forcing this - the discussion, the arguments, to tell the other what's wrong and not to way till it's too late (ie. the break-up).

I've been in really bad relationships before, always the female part was doing the quitting, mostly cruel by telling you on the phone 'it cant be anymore - it's over'. My beloved one had similar problems, so by now this is for both of us the first good, serious and most of all, working and stable relationship in our lifes.

After three months, there weren't any real quarrels at all. There were (and are) some problems with sex, as both of us are into SM, and I haven't been together with someone who has been into it too, so it's a very different and sometimes also very difficult experience.

To explain this topic further for 'Vanillas':
It feels strange and sometimes it's difficult for me to have sex with someone who actually likes to be dominated sometimes. In my past relationships I was the one who had to persuade the significant other to open up a bit to some domination, some light spanking and maybe even being bound onto the bed or similar stuff.

By now, I'm developing a different view to our sexual likings and behaviour - for example, recently we finally managed to find ourselves a proper safe word, which before wasn't existant, which always somehow restricted me in my doings when we wanted some good SM-extended sex. This made me feel very reliefed although I probably didnt show this on the outside. But this took as nearly a whole year.

Another example, once again about sex: just a month ago or so, she told me I wouldnt try hard enough anymore with the foreplay and all - this took her two months, but at least she didnt wait some 4 months more, which would probably have resulted into a break-up or, if not that, then a real big crisis. So I've changed my behaviour, and all is well. Ok, not so fast, but it's developing to get well once again ;)

One fifth of a relationship is the sex - and if the sex aint good, no matter how well the rest of the relationship is, it will fail or at least come to a big crisis. A good friend of mine is in such a relationship - her boyfriend is a nice chap, good to life with, her children (she's barely 40) like him very much, too, they like to listen to similar music (Metal, etc.) - all would be great, if this guy wouldnt be a so-called '5 minute-miracle'. She told me something like this: if it would be lasting 5 minutes, it'll be great, but normally i's more like 2 minutes or so.

They're together for more than 2 years now, and during this time she had several bed-only affairs simply to get a good fucking! That's sad, really. This pre-ejaculation problem could easily avoided if both of them would work together, talk with each other about this - but they don't, so it probably will stay this way. :-(

Those two are, as sad as it sounds, a good example for how it could work out bad. This I never want to happen to me. So I have quarrels with my beloved one, which aren't really quarrels at all, but speak-outs, discussions to come to a good agreement that works for both of us.

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Oct 15, 2005 14:58 # 39561

harold_maude *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

?% | 1

Congratulations to both of you for finding someone you can grow with.
That's a gift and it changes your world.

There are two things about a relationship that are base to everything else, being able to talk to the person your with, and have them talk to you.
Talking in a very honest and open way. Working on a relationship that means something is not a time to play head games or do the bulshit thing of trying to control the other person.
Your going down this road together. And the more of your life that you invest in this the more honest you need to be.

And the other is sex. I agree with you about what sex is to a couple. If only one person is getting anything out of what happens durring sex, it will cause the other person to do one of two things, either go out and find what they need, or get really really pissed off and start doing things that the other person hates to drive them away.
Force them to keep their distance.
If a man hates large women, and he's the only one getting anything out of having sex, it's not even in the class of making love, she may, if she doesn't go out and have an affair or two or three, start putting on weight, lots and lots of it.

It's her way of punishing him. Pushing him away.
In truth, she is screaming her lungs out for him to hear her, even though she may never say a single word.
She may not know how, or if she has tried, she has discovered that he's not listening.
If she can't leave him, due to what she believes in vows that are made to this other person, she will live a long a very pain filled life, realizing she has made a bad choice in choosing a life mate.
Somewhere along the line, hopefully one of two things will happen, he will finally realize what is happening and start working tord fixing things, or she will leave him.

The second thing is what usually happens.
Because the person she is with sees no need for change.
She never learned what you have, that to be honest, to force the issues of what you need, even if she says it's the same thing she wants, you've forced the issue of communication, something alot of people are uncomfortable with.
You've helped her grow, and she in turn has helped you grow too by being honest about how she really feels.

See, in the realm of sex you are the most vunrable you will ever be.
The other person sees everything. It doesn't matter what defines your choices as great sex, the bottom line is your laid wide open.
Your soul, your heart, your spirit. It's all out there.
And if the person your with is only into getting their own satisfaction, it feels like they are walking all over thoes private and delicate places with boots with steel toes.
It really fucks with you, and does all kinds of long term damage.

You find you are starving to death inside. Because chances are very good that there is little or no communication else where in the relationship. Two strangers living in the same space.
One satisfied that everything is fine, and wants to keep things where they are, the other bleeding and torn apart inside.

Great sex starts with the ablity to talk to each other. And the want and need to be honest.
Sometimes it's scary because if they know who you are they may throw in the towel.
But, when your with someone who is willing to talk to you and be honest too, then sex is awesome.
It becomes the act of making love, because each of you are loving the other person for who they are both inside and out.

And there ain't nothing so good as having the person you share your body with loving on you, how ever that expression of love is defined for both of you.

So my congratulations to both of you for finding someone you can grow with. :)

Oct 15, 2005 15:06 # 39562

jael *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

I'd agree with you.

It's not just the freedom of expressing yourself while having sex, though it is a very important part of the relationship itself.

I didnt argue with my boyfriend for the first three months either, but discussions, talks, arguments are all good. And I dont mean you go to your boyfriend/girlfriend tomorrow and decide to pick a fight.

My dad said this to me.

You can never really know a person unless you argue with them.

The reason being, if you don't then everything is just all face value and nothing goes below that.
There MUST be things that he/she does that you dont feel right to, it might not be a big deal and thats why you let go of it thinking it would be stupid to make an issue out of something so small. But speaking in long terms... one day you would have had enough and will burst out or maybe just tell him.

When you argue with someone else, the truth comes out. (A lot of stuff also comes out that he might not really mean)
You find you whether or not hes a tolerant person, whether he says a lot of things he doesnt really mean in the heat of the moment. You find out stuff he thinks about you and the relationship himself which usually comes out within the argument itself when one is dissatisfied with something.

Argueing all the time though - is bad.
Depending on the circumstances, you'd probably be better off leaving the person your with if thats the case.
Relationships are about compromising and all that, but it really doenst have to feel like a compromise and when it does, therein will start the seed of the problem.

Just like ginsterbush said, talking in a relationship is important whether it be about sex or anything else. Its good to lay everything out on the table and not have knives and forks behind you, cause trust me, if you wait to long it becomes a pain in the ass.

*edit*

I just read harold maudes post.

Shes said everything i wanted to say and more.. =)

And thank you Ms. Maude, I hope things go well for us too =)

*insert something profound/witty/humorous here*

This post was edited by jael on Oct 15, 2005.

Oct 15, 2005 17:05 # 39567

harold_maude *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

*smiles*...your dad is a very wise man. Your very lucky to have a father who loves you enough to give you things that you can use your whole life.
And I am very sure that he sees and knows what a treasure he has in you as his daughter...
A very wise man indeed.

Do you spend alot of time talking to your dad? It sounds like he's got a lot to tell you.
Good stuff. The best part of who he is and he's being an awesome parent by sharing it with you.
There are so many people in this world who never know and never have a dad who is like yours.

You may never have alot of money or possessions, but you are a very rich young woman. :)

Oct 15, 2005 01:37 # 39554

jael *** replies...

Re: Being in love ...

Congratulations!
The one year mark is definatly that first milestone in the relationship.

And thank you, I wish the same for you =)

*insert something profound/witty/humorous here*


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