Reading Funny Stuff

Hello my never-met friends.

I need a little bit of help and know that this is usually the place to get an answer. It's like some kind of crazy knowledge fountain that I need to wash off my stains of idiocy.

I was thrown a challenge this week, to cause havoc. Now this is usually my speciality, but this one has me a little stumped.

Please reply with your finest answers to this question:

If you were given someone's full name, address and phone number, what is the most havoc you could play with this perosn's life?

Now the obvious answer is something like sign them up to every internet survey on the web to ensure over 2000 pieces of junk mail every day. But I need something a bit... tastier. I need something a little more Machiavellian. If your answers start to delve in to the realms of the illegal, I'm not going to judge you, I just might have to adapt them a bit.

Well that's it.

Let me know your best ideas you lovely lovely people

If it weren't for monkey's... I would of packed it in years ago

Hmm, I think the possibilities are endless!

But may I ask why you would ask for suggestions of this kind?

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

Sounds like fun! But sorry no suggestions..I'm a good girl i am!

Do you know this person1 like in person or just on apiece of paper??

I almost had you

Well, it's a long story. Basically I know who the person is, but that's pretty irrelevant.

I was challenged and being male I must rise to the ego occasion regardless of the prize or competition. Then I realised I'm not particularly smart so therefore my ego was damaged. To rebuild this ego I need an idea from you guys which I can the pawn off as my own genius and everyone goes home happy. Especially me...

EGO BOY!

(ooh before I forget, quick side question, how do you pronounce "deist"? is it day-ist or dee-ist??? or even dy-ist??)

So , anyway, I need ideas and if you don't know any answers then circulate a couple of emails around your office, you know how those things spread and maybe you can get an idea of them and pass it on to me??

I would be very grateful, and I might even name my first book after you. How about that people? huh? Oh yer you like that reward don't ya? Huh? Oh yer. Oh that prize rocks so hard I might have to rub my special place.

Moving swiftly on, please help.

I might die without my ego and then the world would be rubbish.

If it weren't for monkey's... I would of packed it in years ago

Gee, I've never actually read somthing written by a neandrethal before....
...picture this: the sun rises and hits a window in a house and as it penetrates through the dust filled room with spiderwebs and crap all over because the person living in the room isn't too concerned about living with various levels of mold and other things that have since died and are now in the stage of giving of rancid fumes, a male wakes up and as he lays there in his, um multi stained sheets, he begins to talk to himself, repeating over and over barely above a wisper, "I am cool, I am cool, I am cool...and thoes assholes at school are going to rue the day they called me a nerd."

He rises in the fashion of his favorite movie icon that has gotten type cast in bad b horror flicks because he really does stink as an actor, but hey it's work and a fella's gotta eat..better than dumpster diving...
the male goes to the mirror and wipes away the sludge so he can primp and drool over his pimple covered skin, the effect that never stopped once puberty hit.

Again he wispers his reaffermations of how great he is to him self "I am cool, I am cool, I am cool...and women want me."
He so loves the immage he sees in the old mirror that his body becomes the center of his affections as the fantasies in his head begin to run rampant...

Just then his mom yells up the stairs or down the hall, you take your pick, "Your going to be late for school."
The male hates school. He doesn't fit in anywhere, so he has worked to build his own world, and society where everyone who meets him thinks him a bad ass. A god. An indestructable dark super-hero, just like his favorite movie icon.
He dresses himslef in clothes that haven't seen the inside of a washing machine in weeks.
He loves the smell of his own body odor, it's his musk, part of his power.
He's been having trouble lately with the peircing he got above his left eye because soap is something that he is proud to say has never touched his face.
And as he dons the final touches of his costume you can hear him wisper "I am cool, I am cool, I am cool"

As the door slams behind him with the last words ringing in the air of his anger filled spew flung at his mother, he is off to school, a place, not of learning for him, but a place to prove that he is a god, even if it's only in his eyes...
Because he can't quite fit in anywhere he has set off to carve a nitch in the annals of history by taking a challange to harm and wreak havoc to prove to himself and the world that he is the bad assest bad ass in the world...then they will know they messed with the wrong dude.
They will fall at his feet and drool and worship at his feet, throwing all manner of dead things in his honor...so his fantasy goes...
The real problem with this male is that he sucks at all most every subject in school, and the people he would really like to hang out with don't want anything to do with him, mainly due to the lack of good hygene...and he has become the butt of many cruel remarks, some of which he has heard part of...

But he is convinced in his own mind that if he does this act of violence that he will be in, and then he can implement his plan for world domination....
He has ulterermotives...they will see...and then he will be popular...he will be just like his favorite b-movie icon...
as he continuely wispers his self affermations..."I am cool...I am cool...I am cool....

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

Well, I must say that I read ecthelion33's reply to you back in February to a previous post you wrote, as well as Magnifico's reply to you back in January (to the same post previously mentioned). And you were a blip on my screen. I re-read today how Magnifico was wondering who the dude was whom you mentioned in that post, and his mentioning of the fact that he wondered if 'that guy' was a member here-- because he has a "link to the NAO". ???...and then you were rude to Extraordinary Girl...and now you have a "hard-on" for someone else. I have considered ecthelion33's prescient advice to ignore such folk as were mentioned in that earlier post of yours, which I deem to include you as well....but feel that I must say this:

Take your onanistic, scatalogical case of schadenfreude back home, little boy...

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Oct 08, 2005.

So what you're saying is that you're trying to fuck up somebody's life just because someone dared you, and you expect us to help you cause you're too stupid to do it yourself? Do I get this right?
Cause if that's the case, I dare you to shove a firecracker up your ass and light the fuse. If you're man enough to do that, I might consider helping you out with the other dare!

This dare © 2005 courtesy of the Let The Morons Extinct Themselves Foundation.

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

This post was edited by null on Oct 09, 2005.

Oh my.

I have caused quite the uproar.

First off, apologies are in order. I am not on any part going to be using the information given regarding the challenge. It was a hypothetical challenge and never actually to be carried out. I am sorry if people also assumed that I was going to use this information to affect another user on netalive. This was not the intention. Apologies to the author of the story/ insult because his post was so long and wordy I did not have the patience to read it. There's making a point and then there's trying too hard. The other points were taken in to account and here is the reply:

For such a "minor" intellect I would remind the "higher people" that for a simple challenge I believe you have taken this one a step past what was intended. I understand that my second post went a little off track but amazed no-one got that it was a joke.

I was interested in 2 comments in particularly, the first being that my second reply was "Neanderthal". I do hope you are aware this is what I was going for. Doesn't it seem strange that if I were that stupid I would of had the same ego and language in the first text? Also being of such little mental stature would I keep returning to this site? As everyone knows that a fool will soon tire of this place, as he will not get anyone to bite. So either way I am surprised that no-one could pick that up?

Not here for a shouting match, mainly because I can't spell and we all have better things to do than quote people and compare intelligence.

The second comment was that someone had followed my previous posts on netalive and seemed to have summed me up that way. A little boy I think was the term used. But do you think that your previous posts give any real insight of who you are? I admit they give a very strong show of opinion and vocabulary but I don't believe it is fair to be judged merely on what somebody writes. Now before you all get out your quote books and start furiously typing away, I know that how a person writes and talks is a good character base. But it is certainly not the entire person being laid out on the page. (maybe except the journals.) So whether I have written stupid things in the past, may not necessarily mean that I am stupid for life.

This was a challenge to test really how powerful is information today? Could three small bits really affect someone's life greatly? Who has heard of a funny story of someone doing something like this? The post was intended to provoke a bit of thought but seems to have awoken some angry beast. I think some people's assumption has taken a great part in this mis-understanding.

Well I'm done for now but await with baited breath the ever so clever posts regarding my lack lustre attempt at spelling or poor sentence structure and what a bad person that made me. I have clearly apologised and believe I have cleared up the messy issue of what this challenge is about. Regardless of what I have written before I always thought this was the site where your opinions were dissected, discussed or discarded, not the person.

If it weren't for monkey's... I would of packed it in years ago

I usually spend a lot of time writing posts. This shall be no exception, though I would like it to be...but, it will be no exception due to the vast amount of faulty reasoning you have contained within yours. Obviously, you can spell. I never had an issue with your ability to spell. Contrary to what some people here think, apparently including null, I don't find it to be an indicator of a person's true ability to comprehend deep thoughts.

For the record, if I thought you were as stupid as you seem to think that we all think you are, I would not have thrown such large vocabulary words into 'my post' which I think you actually DO understand. To the effect of: a masturbatory, shit and obscenity obsessed little boy who enjoys watching other people suffer. Pretty much. Your many previous posts belie your assertions otherwise.

And I think, a quick perusal of your posts by anyone else who reads them all, will bring forth the knowledge that you seem to inordinately enjoy making fun of others, for no apparent reason than the pleasure of it. Truly Machiavellian. I believe that you are truly amoral, and believe that craft and deceit are justified in pursuing your version of power: namely, getting people to respond to your bullshit. So, if you wanted to be truly Machiavellian, then stroke, stroke, stroke your self-professed little ego, because you are...truly Machiavellian.

Also, no one, anywhere, questioned whether you would 'attack' an NAO member...just whether the guy you referred to with the website was a member here. Altogether different post, which I enumerated for you in the very beginning of the 'implied' choronoligical ordering of your posts. You told on yourself, apparently, just now...but don't fret, people do it all the time. They lie poorly.

Further, if you insert in your "so-called apology" portions of paragraphs like this:

Apologies to the author of the story/insult because his post was so long and wordy I did not have the patience to read it. There's making a point and then there's trying too hard.

Besides the fact that your post was rather close to being just as long as harold_maude's, the above is what is called an 'underhanded apology' in polite circles, as well as being an apology that has qualifications. In other words, if you were truly sorry, you wouldn't be so blatanly passive-aggresive about saying so....but we all know by now that you aren't sorry for a damn thing, you also know damn good and well, that there was no evidence in the referred to post that you meant it as a joke. It was just plain flat out offensive, and you know it.

That's why you did it. To whit:

I have caused quite the uproar.

Again, exactly your intention. I believe you said, in the first offending post on the topic of chaotically destroying someone else's life, that you basically liked to caused chaos....but I don't have quite that much time to waste on pulling the direct quote...you know what you said, and it should be fairly easy for other people to put two and two together.

As well as to find the post which has at the bottom of it, beneath your "tagline" a statement to the effect of:

This post edited by Jaz, on March 31, 2004

I'm curious to know what the reasons for that were, and you can take that any way your little tiny heart desires.

If you are waiting with "baited breath" for anymore cleverness from me...forget it. Beyond this last and final post of mine, I consider that you aren't worth the trouble. I'm sorry I wasted even this much energy on a person like you. This will be my last and final post to you ever, and any responses that you direct toward me will henceforth be ignored. This is all you get. This is all the energy you will be able to drain out of me. So go scrounge somewhere else for scraps. Believe me, I've met your kind before...it isn't that hard to spot you from your writing. Whatever, dude. Have a nice life. I consider you someone that I never wish to meet.

________________________________________________________________

Oh, and btw, the type of post I labeled this as I chose carefully. I expect you are sharp enough intellectually to gather that my implicit "suggestion" to you (much like your own supposedly 'implicit' idea of your post being a "joke")is......something I'm sure that you will automatically perceive from the formation of my text, without my having to "spell" it out for you.

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Oct 09, 2005.

You are a neandrethal, and that has nothing to do with intellegence or being able to spell correctly.

Why all the stupid crap? What's the point here. As to what you wrote being a joke and someone was suppose to get it, screw that, it was stupid.

And as to people who get tired of game playing, they don't. The whole idea is to get people up set and keep them that way, being that the person never has to face any of the people they throw this crap in front of.

A really good example of that is for several years I wrote poetry on an interactive site. There was this moron who delighted himself in writing crap over and over and starting fights just for the sheer jolly's he got out of it.
After awhile it occured to me that maybe that's how he got off.
I couldn't think of any other reason he would write the crap he did.
He would go through these cycles of threatening people on the site, and then throw this crap poetry on there about everything from how bad it was in the place where he lived, and from what he wrote he would have had to live in alot of different places.
He tried changing his name several times to keep the games going.
He was even banned several times but would somehow manage to get back on.
It was stupid, and he was a neadreathal too.

It got to the point where the place was more like a dive where at any minuet there was a fight ready to break out.

Now why if that was going on did I keep going and writing? Because at that time in my life I was still willing to argue things.
It took alot for me to realize that in this world there are some people who's whole focus is to see how many people they can get upset.
I think it gives them this idea that they are really something special or that they are this wonderful what ever.
The idea of becomming a decient human is completely offensive to them, it would mean they would have to grow up.

Finally he was all alone in the place, writing under several of his list of identities, writing crap and answering himself with arguments and compliments...he was a world to himself as it were.

Last time I looked he is still there doing the same shit. Some people it seems, thrive on doing exactly what your post was.
For all I or anybody else knows your one of those kinds of people.
If you arn't, then why write something so stupid as to almost gaurentee that somebody is going to tell you that your nothing more than a self centered little boy who needs to grow up and get a life and get over themselves?

My guess is, from all you've written in all your posts is that you are just like that guy.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

This post was edited by harold_maude on Oct 09, 2005.

Oh null, I love your suggestion. Bravo!

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

I stumbled in my house really rather drunk last night and came to quite a simple conclusion. I will lose here easily.

I'm not out to make enemies here. Regardless of what you think I really rather enjoy it here and I enjoy the company. So I will just put my tail between my legs and recognise when I am well and truly beaten.

Apologies to all.

I'll start afresh on another post hoping to leave this one behind me.

If it weren't for monkey's... I would of packed it in years ago

Well now that you've come to that conclusion, I hope you realize as well that no one is going to believe much of what you have to say, if anything.

You basicly screwed yourself over.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.

Well now that you've come to that conclusion, I hope you realize as well that no one is going to believe much of what you have to say, if anything.

For the rest of NAO: There's a simple, non-time consuming but final solution for problems like this:

ignore the bloody bastard that unnerves you!

So what you're saying is that you're trying to fuck up somebody's life just because someone dared you, and you expect us to help you cause you're too stupid to do it yourself?

Well, it's official: NAO is now 100% "sense-of-humour" free!

Sorry guys, you made totally the wrong call here. He clearly (to me) wasn't being serious. Bad taste? It could have been phrased better, but whatever...

But I can't find no place or nothin', where thrills are cheap, and love is divine

This post was edited by Bunk on Oct 14, 2005.

The other solution would be: create a new account and start the whole damn show all over again. And if this doesnt help at all: get lost.

For the rest of NAO: There's a simple, non-time consuming but final solution for problems like this:

cu, w0lf.

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign for a diseased mind!

Umm well firstly the title of my reply to this post was a miss-type I think I wanted to title it 'interesting' but I cant remember!

This, as much as I want it to, wont make any differnece. You know when your new or you dont know people you feel more insecure for example you deide to join your friend on a night out and she is with all of her friends but she is the only person you know... sadly I feel I can be the type of person that can adapt to be welcome. I stick to my morals, good humour (this sounds like I'm about to contradict myself) and overall good nature...however when I replied to this post I read this idea and I answered the question thinking along the lines of what he would want to read.

Now, after reading replies and what other people have said on the matter, especially someone in particular she really opened my eyes as to how pathetic and twisted this was. So in a few words I can see how this was not fun!

I almost had you

This post was edited by Douche on Oct 11, 2005.

If you were given someone's full name, address and phone number, what is the most havoc you could play with this perosn's life?

My answer is short, and needlessly brutal.

Using his identity, get in contact with a local group of extreme slave & master kink lovers. Seek out the most twisted and adventurous homosexuals of the group. Tell them you have a very special request.

All your life, your most powerful sexual fantasy has involved being raped. So here's the deal: at some random time, at a random place, they are to seek him out, kidnap him, and once bound and gagged rape him as brutally as possible. As part of the act, he will pretend to resist with all his might.

:)

(In retrospect, I should have used an example that wasn't pulled from my regular weekend routine. Oh well, next time)

But I can't find no place or nothin', where thrills are cheap, and love is divine

OK firstly......I have a sense of humour a good one I know this...so dont say I'm being sour but that is disgusting and wrong! Its when you begin to write it instead of think it that it offends people..maybe its my fault and I shouldnt be offended with issues that you have raised!

My answer is short, and needlessly brutal.

You said it!
douche

I almost had you

I would make an order for a copy of windows under his name. Heh.

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

Will you marry me, yoshi? :D

I should be ashamed of myself.