Reading majic's journal

I spent 8 years 8 months and 10 days in the US Army.... I recently got out April 30th of this year. I spent a couple months trying to find a job and I bitched and complained like I was a little baby. Yes that is a character flaw and I am so embarrased by that and the other times in my life that I have acted so childish. It's something I have to live with and to grow from.

In my search for work I was contacted out of the blue by a potentional employer. This employer was not in my list of jobs that I submitted resumes for. I had no idea that they existed and it came as a shock to me.

I interviewed with this company and then did a follow up interview and multiple emails and telephone conversations. I quickly became obsessed with this job and would do anything in order to be hired. In the end, I was hired and ever since life has unrolled in a manner that I could only have imagined.

But to make a long story short this job has taken me on multiple trips to various cities in the US. I've had to get frequent flyer accounts with 3 different airlines and I can't express the amount of joy and happiness this new job has been giving to me.

One of my recent trips is to New Orleans where I am working with a US Army Combat Support Hospital as a systems administrator for the software and network that powers their ability to track patient records. This system is vital to their work and gives me a very distinct sense that I am helping my country in it's recovery from Hurricane Katrina. I get a sense of satisfaction from this job like I have never felt in my life. The work is simply amazing and rewarding and I am so greatful to GOD for giving me the opportunity to excell in this challenge.

This journal entry is to make light of the fact that I have bitched and complained so much but little did I know that I have had life so good and have taken so much for granted. I have a house, two cars a wife and daughter that are in good health. My wife has a great job and I have been given such a great opportunity and truthfully it would seem extremely chidish for me to complain about anything. I often feel that I have a terrible character flaw that brings out an air of negativity that I would do anything in my power to rid myself of. I have nothing in this world to complain about but yet I still do. I hate myself for this and it is the most embarrassing trait about my personality. I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself sometimes. I have life so good and continue to complain like I am some little child that is naive and has no clue while others have lost everything and are as humble as the day they were born.

With all that said I continue my faithful service to the country I love and will forever be indebted as long as I maintain my silly naive negative complaining personality.

Despite this flaw I have alot of love to give the world.

This post was edited by majic on Oct 13, 2005.

But do not be too hard on yourself. As your entry "The Real In Us" says, each person see things from their own point of view.

I have a favorite saying: "It's my movie." which basically means that despite everything that goes on around me, I am still the only person in this theater, seeing this show as only I see it. Sometimes the biggest problems in the world are little in comparison to a broken heart.

Of course, I usually follow up my saying with my usual sarcastic wit: "It's my movie, so don't make me write you out of the script."

I know I'm dead on the surface But I'm screaming underneath