Reading majic's journal

Ever felt like you wanted to fit in but couldn't quite figure out the formula? Ever think that you couldn't quite possibly understand emotions and feelings that others are feeling? Do you ever feel extremely isolated in a crowd? Do you want to be part of something and be understood?

There is a word,
there is a thought,
there is this tear I've kept inside --
	to cover my insecurities,
I can see the sun,
I can feel it's warmth,
I can take a step forward,
and look around --
	see things as they are,
I can look at you,
I can see your face,
but I can't understand the emotions --
	that you feel,
no matter the smile on your face,
nor the frown of another,
I'm oblivious to the sound,
there is a hurt,
there is a pain,
there is this cramp in my mind,
I want desperately to know,
to involve myself with understanding,
of what it is to be alive,
but have been stuck in this hazy fog --
         for so long that I fear I'll never free

I often find myself in isolation amongst people, I seem to not be able to understand nor make myself fit with the crowd. I seem to be on a different wavelength than everyone else but am so frustrated with that, that it makes me so damn angry. No matter how hard I try I simply feel like I do not belong.

Can't quite put my finger on the formula. Some people seem to click into any situation while others seem to struggle with any.

Ever felt like you wanted to fit in but couldn't quite figure out the formula?

I have felt and still feel that emotion, i know exactly what you mean and i said in my journal myself comparitives of your feelings somewhat although cant say it can be compared fully.

I went through a real hard time in my late teens feeling a constant awareness of adapting to who im around and acting responsive to their charisma questioning myself but maybe i was slightly unstable back then or was still personally developing as myself.

Still though i always feel as though i know somebodys personality and to a certain degree intelligance or depth of mind and suss them out which makes me feel like i can deal with them even if i dislike them and their personal opinions which can be heard and disregarded as ive associated it with their character which is something i cannot change therefore remain nonchalant unless direct effect was likely.

I do feel i have the power to deal with a lot of differant people from differant walks of life and instead of me worrying im not on their level i have the power of knowledge to know there not on mine and theres nothing wrong with that.

Dont be frustrated about being on a differant wavelength to everyone else as there is no everyone else out there and millions of wavelengths exist, some familiar, some admirable, some you envy, some you pity, some right, some wrong and some of every kind of wave imaginable in doses big and small.

So i try to be observant and understand people learning from them long the way.

Theres a differance to whether your individuality causes you problems i think and its down to whether it causes a seperation of other indivuals you feel unconnected too or observing that you are simply operating on a diferant level of conscienceness to others which hasnt opened up to them and maybe it cannot.

So you can in a way feel like the glue in the middle of it all and take it as a advantage.

I only found out who i am when i stopped trying to be like someone else, its odd though with personality and i dont think i have a descriptive behaviour or am stereotypical of sort wheras some people i know are the same day in day out and never seem to change their demeanour...

Be weird

themoreyouknowthemoreyouknowyoudontknowwhatyouknow

I love the line "there is this cramp in my mind"
what a perfect expression to discibe the disjoined existance that comes with feeling like your living outside the house instead of inside where the rest of the human race exists...

Well done...:)

the whole peice is a great view from behind your eyes. Thank you.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.