Reading harold_maude's journal

Hey harold_maude,

is there any chance of you posting something smaller? You always post a books worth of stuff. It takes me like an hour to really read and comprehend what you are trying to say. I am not trying to be mean but damn if your posts are long as hell.

It wouldn't be a problem if it was just one or two but shit all your posts are novels.

My attention span simply doesn't usually last as long as all of your posts.

This post was edited by majic on Oct 19, 2005.

:) no problem.

If you think I write too long a post, you should see the inside of my head...:)
..no wonder my brain feels like it's going to explode sometimes.

:) no problem.

No offense of course. It was just a comment I aired publicly. Keep on doing what you do best!

I found myself thinking about what you said about writing as much as is in a book....

And I reminded myself of why I write, and why I need to write.
If something I write about speaks to someone about something and it hits home that's great.
But for a long time I haven't written for anyone. I'm interested in writing for people.
I write because my head is on overload.
And if the thread that I'm following is thousands of pages long and takes days to finish then that's what it takes.

I haven't cared for a long time what anyone thought. I have cared even less if anyone reads what I write. And as to the ratings function attached to this place, that means nothing to me. It hasn't for a long time.
If it did, I wouldn't write what I do.

So, in thinking about this I've come to the conclusion that my writing will be as long as it needs to say what it needs to.
And if no one ever reads it that's perfectly fine with me.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to be really lucky to find maybe a hand full of people who will really understand the things I struggle with.
Most people will pass this by, and in doing so pass me by.
And that's ok as well.

If something speaks or has spoken to anyone it's done so with out my planning it that way.
It's somthing that was there at the right time and at the right place.

so here's the deal...I appoligize that it takes as long as it does to read what I write, and most of it hits as too much in one post.
And at the same time I don't appoligize for the length or the content of what I'm writing.
IF I didn't write and let some of the over load out I would go completely mad.
And somewhere along the line someone would lock me up in some phsych ward and throw away the key.

I don't know what else to tell you. If I've helped out by letting you know your not alone in how you feel, awesome.
But I'm not writing for your comfort zone or anyone elses.
I hope you understand that.
It's not ment in any offensive way.
I just realized that I was about to take one of the things that is important in how I keep my head in a straight place and alter it simply because one or more people think I'm writing too long or too much.

And I'm not going to do that. I will not change what has value to the health of my life so it takes less time to read.
If I start doing that I will move back into that place where I use to be, trying to win people's approval...somthing by the way that you said you struggle with...

I left that path when I finally realized that it was a waste of my life.

From previous post:

No offense of course. It was just a comment I aired publicly. Keep on doing what you do best!

so here's the deal...I appoligize that it takes as long as it does to read what I write

I don't need an apology. I'm good with what you write =)

I don't know what else to tell you.

You are confusing me now.

Your previous post on this gave me the sense that there was nothing wrong. Now you post this and it seems like you are upset at me.

Keep on doing what you do best!

That's what I said prior to this post. Keep up the good writing, no harm no foul.

I didn't mean to come off sounding pissed off...if anything a bit angry with myself for starting to go back to a place where I used to spend my life wandering around in.

Going into the automatic mode of doing what ever is asked of me, no questions asked, even if it ment me loosing something important in the process...like any sense of who I was all for approval.

Up until about a year ago I lived like that. It drove me in so many ways.
when it crops up now, it pisses me off. I feel really stupid when it does. I am reminded of the things I've done to win approval.
so it had nothing to do with you. But what I did in response.

Hope that clears things up somewhat.
I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.