Reading harold_maude's journal

There are times that come to a person's life that present times of decision that will change
the course of their life.
What ever that decision is will determine an outcome.
But the decision is ours alone to make.
And the consequences of that decision is what we end up owning.

I admire people who think about the decison and base their choices on the best senerio possible.
I wish I could be more like that.
I also wish that when certian things come in my life that I had the gift of forsight
so that I could make decisions based on what was the best and most honorable thing to do,
rather on what I believe is best.
That would save me alot of pain.

The view sometimes of a much bigger picture and knowing at least impart, what is
the most important thing sometimes causes me to act without thinking about anything
but wanting to see people walk where they are ment to.
If I had forsight, much of what I say or do wouldn't be said or done at all.
I would remain still, and keep what I see and what I'm shown to myself.

It might seem cruel to watch a person struggle and be in pain because they have trouble
figuring things out, things that are there for them, waiting until they get past what
ever obsticles are keeping them from where they need to be,
but if you knew that by telling them what you see that it would be like exploding
their comfort zone to peices, and really messing with their head,
wouldn't it be far better to let them get their with out anything from you?

That's what I'm looking at now. And right now, I'm wishing I'd had the forsight
to know that what I did would end up doing what it did.

I try to tred lightly, when it comes to people. Most people are going along on a road.
They are completely unaware of who they are inside, and what gifts they hold,
and how much their lives are capable of impacting the rest of the world.

A simple example of that is this, how often do you see a person throwing something
out a car window and don't really think about what it is that they are doing,
or the long term effect it will have.

We just don't live life like that. We like to feel at ease, and comfortable.
We like to believe that we have a place, and we often wish things that remain wishes
and dreams, but never believe anything beyond that.
Let alone take all that we fear and ignor it long enough to do anything with it.

I know there are times that what I do or say makes people back up and think
they've run into someone who is so far out to lunch that they forgot that lunch
exists.
I sometimes scare people when I say things. So I try hard to keep what I say
in a context that at least it can be heard.
Sometimes, time is an issue with me, and so I just lay it out there.
But I'm finding that by doing that, the choice is not so good.

So here I am. With the end result of what I tried to do. And having made poor
choices as to how to do what I believe is required by the gifts that I have been given
I'm left with the responsiblity and consequences of failing.

It's not the first time that I've done something that I believed was the right thing
to do and had it end up going wrong.
I'm learning very quickly that I must be very careful about what I say, and how
I say it so as not to cause damage to anyone in anyway at all.

It's always been my heart in doing what I do, to want what I do to be the best.
That would bring life and not take it.
Someday maybe I'll figure out how that's done, and then I won't have to go through
this again.
I can only hope.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.