Reading harold_maude's journal

In the past 24 hours somethings have again taken another shift.
I talked to the new roommate and things are better.
One less thing, and something else has been happening, a flood of thoughts.
I've been writing off line due to the length of each chunk of thought processes that take place.

Sometimes taking large volumes of thought into perspective can be a little overwhelming
or like a very large train running over you at high speed.

Either way, it's going to make a huge mess of you.

In the last week my head has gone from just being on overload to being on overload
at light speed.
Which means, that threads of thoughts that I try to follow through on are crashed
into by other thoughts.
Non stop.

Even at night the last two days my head feels like traffic that never sleeps.

Here are some of the thought threads, the one's I have been able to grab hold of
for 10 seconds:
The power of words and emotions, does the emotion change what you speak into
something that is going to happen?

More stuff on sound and light

Watching the different platonic solids mulitply and move around each other until
different types of larger shapes show up and start and this question is accomplained
by this view, if different chemical molectular structures make up different things
then by changing the differernt molocules would that make the thing look different
than you expected?

How fast does light have to move, as what lightspeed does it have to move
to change the level of trasparency of any given color?

Immages of traveling under the astroid belt so fast that the asteroid belt
looks something like gravel on a road.

Words, lots and lots of different words, and what each of thoes words means
in the deepest definition.
Not the dictionary definiton, but the definition that brings it from being just a word
into the place where it's real.
As real as something you can pick up and hold.

I've talked before about my head being on overload all the time.
Maybe now would be a good time to explain what I mean by overload.

Overload from my perspective is that so many different ideas and thoughts are pouring
into my head in a way that resembles loading docks with semi's backed up for miles.
I'm sure that some of thoes semi's have been waiting years to unload their particular
cargo.
I'm learning very quickly, that the fast means of communication for thoes thoughts
is typing.
Everything is either too slow or a major distraction.

Even the sound of my own voice is a distraction. I've tried taping some of my thought
threads and I just get lost.
Nothing runs in a straight line. And I forget what I was thinking about.
Often times due to my attention has gone off on to something else, or someone says
somthing and I loose the train of thought.

I would love to have a way to just put on some kind of virual head gear that would
record all the thoughts, not missing any and then after 24 hours of recording
taking a look at what has all gone through my head.

I suspect that it would make volumes of reading material.
Not all of it would make sense, but I'm sure that at least some of it would have
some kind of value.
I would also finally be able to show people the immages and pictures that go on all the time.
I could finally maybe unload enough of what's in my head to be able to concentrate
long enough to simplify things.

I've said before I talk too much. I'm still convinced I do. I know I write in volumous
mass simply because of how much is there.
And I know that's part of the reason that I've got over 60 paintings and drawings partly
finished, and why more keeps happening.
I can't keep up with everything.

I've been pondering this problem for a while. And one of the solutions that have presented
itself is to create a way to make an outline where the perfect word would be used
to trigger that particular thread.

Now my outline skills have never been the best. And when I've taken notes before the words
I've chosen have often left me wondering what I was reading about.
So what I need is to find perfect words.
Single words that contain keys that will help me remember.

This is important especially now since I'm about to begin to delve into quantum physics.
It's the direction that my sacred geometry studies have taken me.
I'm learning that my approach to math, chemistry and other parts of the world of art
have always been from a back way approach.
That I find it works best when approaching a new thing.
It allows me to pick up the tools of that thing and check them out.
Play with them, see how they work and ask my own questions relevant to my own
path of learning.

Going through the normal doors of something for me often makes no sense.
And when I try, I ususally have to go back and re-study things because when it finally
does make some kind of sense, and when I'm ready to know it, I'm way down the road.
Usually on something else related.

I discovered that I learn best this way when I finally found that watercolor was home for me.
I had tried to work in watercolor when I was in my 20's, and before that when I was
exploring art in highschool.
I hated it back then. All the rules made it an impossible media to work in.
It wasn't until I was put in a possition that I had to create a curriculum for art to teach
kids that are home schooled that I started back into watercolor.

This time however, I just played with it. I didn't follow the rules. In fact the rules
went straight out the window.
They don't work. They just confuse the issue for me.
Play works much better and there is no stress involved with it.
It's how kids learn about their world. Through play.

What I learned through playing with watercolor, that it is the cheapest visual media
there is.
That it isn't the prima donna that it's been built into and that it's accessable to anyone.
The only thing to remember about watercolor is that the amount of water used with
the paint will determine how thin or heavy the paint is.
And depending on what your looking for in it, will be determined by how much water
you use.

It's a tool. That's all. And all thoes rules that someone somewhere attached to it
were probably put into place by people trying to put watercolor into a box.
I hate boxes when it comes to creativity.
I want to blow the boxes up and distroy all the rules of how to do this thing or that thing.

We all learn differntly. And to try to put a thing like watercolor into one box is crazy.
That's why people are terrified of it.
I've talked to artists who say that watercolor is one of the hardest media to work in.
They look at my work and what I've done with it and stand there in complete awe that
I'm doing what I'm doing.

I look back at them and am puzzled by their fear of it. I've sat down with people
who don't believe they can use watercolor at all.
With in an hour they are painting away, having a blast and want to do more.
I tell them to forget all the rules and just play.
See how it feels against the paper. Watch the color as you move it around.
Stuff like that.
Touch it with your fingers and use them as brushes.
And the light goes on and off they go.
I talk to them about water durring this time, and tell them that watercolor is simply
a dance of paint and water.
And the amount of water will determine what happens.

Their own creativity applied to that media will end up taking them places.
It's awesome to watch. It frees them up.
And they end up likeing watercolor because they finally got to actually touch it
with out worring about making a picture.

Colored pencil is the same way, so is pen and ink.
And the last two days, someone pulled out my collection of crayons and have
put them on the front room table and along with coloring pages and different people
have been coloring pictures.
Right now the coloring pages are from Alice in Wonderland.

Then there is the Bare Bones Project that is still going on.
The Bare Bones Project started when I was still the event cooridantor at Michaels.
It was after Halloween and there were all these wooden, jointed skeletons that
were down to 29 cents a peice.
I bought them all.
How could I not?
More stuff to do art with.

At first, on the drive home I was thinking about going with a Greatful Dead theme
with all of them, but then my thoughts got really broad and the idea came to me
that this should be a large group project, with lots of people participating.
Each of them taking a skeleton and painting it or drawing on it and making one peice
of the project.
It's been an on going project for over a year now, and how it works is that when people
come here I invite them to participate in the projec.
Not everyone has accepted.
The only requirement is that they sign their name to the back so when it's all done
their name can be included in the list of artists who have participated.
I would love to see someone take one of the skeletons and cover it with words.
I did one that has mirror eyes and wire wrapping on it.
Makes it look kind of like head lights.
If you hold it just right in front of your face your eyes will be in the mirrors.

Then there is the dragon and maden series of works going on.
These are a series of paintings started over two years ago, and the main theme
of these is based on the name.
There are ten in the series.
I'm somewhere on the 6th one.
I've had trouble with it because I made definate requirements for the series.

Now as I have been studing sacred geometry there have been paintings related
to the studies that have shown up and more starts keep happening.
Pen and ink drawings over watercolor underpaintings are happening.

When I looked at all of this the other night and couldn't relate to any of it, I freaked out.
completely. And I went sideways.
I was convinced that it was all gone in me.
That I had given it away.
I've given away lots of art, but never the place where it's birthed.
That's what I was convinced I'd done.
It freaked me out so bad that I figured it's gone and everything else I've created in writing
must be just as dead to me now.

Anyway, after talking to some people, my sister being one of thoes people, reminded me
that I have the skill, and I have the knowledge. I will always have that.
So last night, when I sat down to write again, and I discovered that the computer is no longer
capable of anything on line, I turned off the computer and went up stairs and sat down
at the keyboard and just started playing.
I let go of everything. I let the music that was happening to me take me to a place of
cleansing in my soul.
I was completely oblivious to the fact that people were gathering in the front room
listening.
They had heard what I was playing and thought there was a cd in the cd player that is in
the front room.
They didn't disturb me. I'm greatful they didn't. I needed to be there. Touching that
place of living fire in that way.
I've been so stretched over and pulled in so many directions by so many people lately that
all I've wanted to do is hide out.
Disapear.

After a while I started comming back to awareness of my surroundings. And I saw them
all there.
They started clapping when I looked at them.
They made comments that they thought they were listening to a cd.
I didn't really believe any of them. I think they were just being really kind.
All of it, all of the music that happened and took me where it did was like a river of tone
and light and color like a huge pool.
I felt the pain I've been in being touched. It felt so soothing and relaxing that I didn't want
to leave.
Durring this time a thought slowly floated up out of the pool.
What does this look like in paint?

I'm going to find some way to make a cd of one of thoes excursions into the music and see
what it looks like.
I think with the computer genius that lives here, that will be possible.
We also have a music genius living here as well.
Although he doesn't see himself that way. He's done studio recording with a four track
recorder so he has some idea of how to do this.

I want to see this place in visual expression. I want to see what it looks like when I take
what I know in watercolor and apply it to what I experience in music that comes out of
that place of art.

I wonder what will show up.
I can hardly wait to see it when it does. Maybe it will be like giving birth to a new place.
I wonder.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.