Reading majic's journal

This tormenting sick fucking life has me by the balls again and it feels so damn good.

As I listen to "Steve Vai - For The Love of God" I ponder my future and the inevitability of at least 6 months in Afghanistan. This is not necessarily a bad thing, more like an eye opener but a definite stepping stone to something bigger or at least the little guy on my left shoulder tells me so. Looks like this will transpire around the last week in January 2006. So time is of the essence, not a moment to waste, not a moment too soon...

So in the big picture what does this mean? Is it really worth it? I have no idea. Do I wanna go? Hell yeah... But what are my motives? I have no idea, Kinda crazy like that. I have no idea why I wanna go but something tells me that it's good and that it'll work out. I mean the money is awesome and if anyone knew they would not complain and would be asking "when do I ship out?"... But it's not all about the money, surely not. I mean I have a family that I'll be leaving after all...

So why do I do it? Why do I care? What is really holding me to this, I could back out at any time. The question is, would I rather work at McDonalds and go home every night to the possibility of poverty or would I rather sacrifice a little and give something back to my family that a normal job cannot provide. Clearly that is the reason, there is little in the civilian sector that I'd want to do, regular jobs don't interest me. I'd rather be working with the government doing stuff that at least somebody feels is worth it. I'm trying to remain at least a little neutral on politics and stuff.. =)

Edited - Geesh sometimes I amaze myself with my own arrogance and stupidity.

I'm sure I'll regret some part of this post in the morning

fading out listening to "ATB - Believe in Me" ...

This post was edited by majic on Dec 01, 2005.