Reading Prothonotary's journal

Well I am totally confused right now... Things are not going like I had figured and just about everything is going down- hill very quickly.
I have an ex-girlfriend that I have been hanging out with and helping her and her mom do diferent things around the house. I also have another ex-girlfriend that broke up with me 4 weeks ago and things between us have been really rocky.

The problem with my first ex is that I still have feelings for her and I would like to try to go out with her again, but after I thought about it and weighed the pros and the cons, I have decided that, to keep the freindship like it is and be able to hang out all the time, we shouldn't go out again. The only problem with that is everything in me is telling me that I told her wrong and I shouldn't have told her that. I love that we are such good friends right now but should I just throw that away and see if a relationship would lead us anywhere???
The good: It all works out and we are able to be in a relationship that actually shows some promice for the future.
The bad: We try going out again and she or I break it off and someone gets hurt and then the friendship goes poof.

The problem with my second ex is, eversince we broke up, she and I have tried to talk but everytime we do it always ends up with us being at each others throats. She is geting mad at me because I had said that I was being "me" all the time we were going out when I really wasn't. I was being the person that she wanted me to be. she wanted a boyfriend that didn't smoke, drink, cuss, or hurt anyone. Well I was that person when we were going out. When she broke up with me, I shortly there after went back to smoking, drinking, and cussing. Of course I was not doing that around her. I also took it kinda hard because we, (well she and I had talked about so many things like marrige and kids and I had even talked to her about proposing to her), really thought that we were truly in love. NOPE!!! Guess not! oh well....
Well to make a long story short, now that we are talking with each other, she has recently informed me that she is interested in someone else and talks to me about him like she and I never happened.
I just want it to be where we can be friends again and not where we are fighting tooth and nail all the time...

In addition to all that crap, so much is not going well with my friends, my family, and just about every aspect of my life is trying to take a downhill turn and go past rock bottom.

oh well... My moto:
Shit happens all the time... Get used to it and learn to live with it. It probably isn't the first time and for sure won't be the last time!
Life goes on....Are you walking down the road or are you being dragged against your will behind the horse?

Take a XANAX, calm down..put your feet on planet EARTH and be smart nstead ofthe sucker you might be