Reading andromacha's journal

Jan 09, 2006 06:40 # 41342

andromacha *** isn't happy...

He's gone...

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By the title I gave to this post, I guess you can pretty much imagine what or better who I am talking about. Yes, Neil left today to get back to the States. I feel so empty right now, so incomplete. I feel like crying, but at the same time I know that it won't accomplish to anything at all. All I want is to feel again the warmth I feel when he's around me, and this won't happen if not in 4 months.

4 months... they seem an eternity to me right now. How can I resist 4 more months without him? In the course of these years, this has been the recurring question. Always. And I don't know how, but I have always managed. This time is rougher. Probably because I was somehow already set for having him here for good, for us to be able to finally live our life together and everything. And finding out that all of this is not possible yet was definitely a bad Christmas gift. Of course I knew this even before we planned for him to come and visit.

I do bless his visit in fact. I am sure I would be feeling much worse overall if he hadn't come. Or this is what I firmly believe right now. However, the sorrow I feel now is quite unbearable. I almost think I see him behind the door to my room or something, and coming to terms with reality is always so terribly rough.

I know that right now I just can't wait for him to be home again, so that we can talk once more. But in the meanwhile I am hopeless. Maybe I should try to sleep some, that would help. That's what I said I would do, but right now I don't know if I can. I keep thinking of him, of how wonderful it was when he was here, of how everyday with him is a blessing. I just want him back so badly. And yet I cannot move from this fsking city, because of my graduation, which I don't even know when will occur yet. If it weren't for that (and for my current lack of 1000 Euros) I would already be on a plane directed to Atlanta, maybe the same one he's on at the moment.

Anyway, my rant ends here. I just needed to shout it all out, and maybe now I can start healing and relaxing. I do hate departures.

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!

Jan 09, 2006 08:43 # 41348

ginsterbusch *** replies...

Re: He's gone...

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4 months... they seem an eternity to me right now.

Four. Fucking. Months.

The longest time we weren't together were about 3 1/2 weeks. Right now, even thinking about two weeks feels like mere torture.

Let's see it from my point of view: Knowing that I'll have to wait at least 2 months till some job opportunity will rise up for me, meaning 2 months more having to vegetate in this worst case scenario called my former but still current life ... oh yes, I can relate.

It's so depressing, so much dragging you down, but somehow you still manage to get up, to rise above all of this, and struggle for air, to live your very own life ... somehow you manage to keep on course.

I just want him back so badly. And yet I cannot move from this fsking city, because of my graduation, which I don't even know when will occur yet. If it weren't for that (and for my current lack of 1000 Euros) I would already be on a plane directed to Atlanta, maybe the same one he's on at the moment.

Ah yes. .. if it wasnt for the fucking money, I'd be already living in Karlsruhe, together with her (last image: person on the left), not having to bear all of this .. shit anymore.

I do hate departures.

Well, at least yours are not so often. I've to leave my significant other every 2-3 weeks - thats crashing. :-(
Grak. I want all of this to stop NOW!

</rant>

cu, w0lf.

beards are cool. every villain has one!

Jan 09, 2006 14:56 # 41354

andromacha *** replies...

Re: He's gone...

Ah yes. .. if it wasnt for the fucking money, I'd be already living in Karlsruhe, together with her (last image: person on the left), not having to bear all of this .. shit anymore.

Heh somehow I still envy you Fabian. I mean, afterall you see her quite often (according to my standards of course), and in any case she is not as far as Neil is from me. If Neil lived here in Italy, even at 300 or more Km it would be just great. I wouldn't mind traveling 3 or more hours during the weekend to go see him.

But like this... we are talking of taking at least two planes (unless you're Mr. Rockfeller who can afford a direct flight) for a flight length of about 12 hours total. - eg. Neil left from here this morning at 7, and will arrive in Atlanta at 8 pm our time, plus of course the time that he will take to go home (other 2 hours more or less). So it is definitely not something that I or he can do every single weekends. Not only for the length of the whole thing, but also cost wise :P

I really just pray that this is the very last time he has to leave. I pray that he will finish his studies, and that his fsking university will stop bothering us :) I think that the worst thing is that he won't make it for my graduation in March. And I know I would have loved it so much to have him with me, to take pictures and celebrate with him and the rest of my family. I am glad I am taking my masters though, because at least he will hopefully be able to make it by the final graduation ceremony which would probably take place in another year and a half. I guess we'll see. I am sure we'll all be still here on Nao, and I will be still posting all about me on here.

Italy no longer accepts illegal immigrants. Mr. B sink their boats!!!!!!!


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