Reading Love and Lifesense

I think that all the ones who believe that men and women never speak the same language are wrong. In fact, it is true there are differences between genders, but this doesn't mean having a totally different vision of life.
I watched a TV programme 2 days ago where they interviewed a lawyer who discussed about divorces and couple problems. Well, she said that many times people come to her complaining about this sort of non-communication...
This could lead you to think that men and women engaged in a marriage stop talking to each other.
I don't agree with this idea at all. I mean,it may happen yes, but not so often. I would say it is a matter of miscommunication. Many times it happens that what she says is misinterpreted by him and vice versa.
At any rate, I do think that when you really find the right someone who understands you just by a gaze, and who you don't need even to talk to in order to be given right what you need that very moment... Well, when you find your someone you will see that your language is his language, your way is his way...
I already have all this, and I know I am lucky :) I'd like to tell you that there are many other persons like my boyfriend, but I really can't... He's unique and he's mine :)
Anyway, guys, I'd really like to know what you think about this miscommunication between man and woman.

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

This post was edited by andromacha on Jul 13, 2002.

I believe that there are some differences in how men and women communicate or act. Otherwise there wouldn't exist so many books and jokes on this topic. :-P

I'm not a great psychologist, so let me just name a few examples. The man's views are mine (and those I observe on my friends), the woman's views are (C) Orchid.

Solving a problem:
When a man cooks and the sauce gets all burnt, he uses the f-word repeatedly and cooks a new sauce. He appreciates it when the woman helps him make a new sauce.
When the same thing happens to a woman, she just wants to be hugged and comforted. Making a new sauce is secondary.

Subtle hints:
There is a list (ofcourse written by a man) instructing women how to behave in presence of a man. One rule is, "say what you want! Subtle hints don't work." Altho that list probably isn't supposed to be taken very seriously, this statement sure has some relation to real life. :-)

"I love you":
Man: assumes the statement to be valid until revocation. No repetition needed, or very seldom.
Woman: the statement expires after 24 hours and has to be repeated within this time span.
...Yeah, okay, it's a little bit exaggerated.
But really not much. :-)

On a side note, there's a description of the perfect day for both men and women. :-) I hope the translation from German to English didn't mess it up too terribly.

I think learning to understand each other, and handle these differences, is an essential part of the relationship. This might - depending on the partner - require more or less time and tolerance, but isn't this what love is all about? I wouldn't want to miss these differences, as I feel they can contribute so much to a relationship.

'kay, enough babbling for now. :-)

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

This post was edited by null on Jul 13, 2002.

Okay, well... you might be right on some things. Not on the sauce one though :P
Hehe... Yes, women generally needs much tenderness than men. And, yes again, we love our man to tell us that he loves us (even 10 thousands a day if necessary). I totally agree with you on that, null.
Men are always (or pretend to be always) strong. No need to hear mushy stuff all the time, right? Though, I don't think I am wrong when I say that you guys like it when your girl tells you sweet things.
Yeah, I agree on saying that the woman is the one who much needs protection and.. you know.. sweet nothings in a relationship.
But still, this doesn't mean looking at life from two brand different points of view, don't you think? And, most of all, this tells nothing on this sort of non-communication or miscommunication people tends to complain about.
I'm looking forward to hearing your replies, guys :)

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

This post was edited by andromacha on Jul 13, 2002.

IMO, man and woman are totally different, they do speak different languages. I don't think a man can ever understand what a woman really wants or is thinking about. It has always been a mystery for us men.

Well, I believe that there is a reason behind this. The sole purpose of a man's existence on this planet is to create a new generation, and thus aid in the survival of the species. OTOH, the sole purpose of a woman is to nurture the new generation, so that they can grow into a healthy and independent human being.

This difference makes a woman more sensitive, caring, emotionally strong, and man OTOH is made physically strong, and is usually devoid of much emotions (of course, there are exceptions on both the sides).

But, because of these differences, the thought process and the nature of both men and women is totally different, and thus they tend to speak different languages. There are bound to be miscommunication and misinterpretations. It's the way two people handle such problems on a daily life that makes the relationship work or break!

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

I vehemently disagree. Most difference between men and women stems from the way they are still being brought up. Dolls for the girls, cars and action figures for the boys. In school, football for the boys, dancing for the girls. Society seperates the two genders in so many ways (just look out for it for one single day) that they have no other chance than to grow up differently. Get told for 15 years that you're soft and weak and you are.

If two people in a relationship don't understand each other in many things, it's either an issue of general incompatibility (which could happen to two people of the same gender as well), or more likely, you don't really try to talk to the other. Humans are shy. They don't let other people into their inner soul as far as a long lasting, intimate relationship would require unless you force them to. There has to be at least one person in a relationship that is always trying to get the other say what bugs them, what delights them. An occasional "what do you think" won't cut it. No one will pour out their soul as an answer to this question. Understanding someone else (anyone else) is never-ending work but ultimately the only way to get along with them for a long time. This isn't a gender thing.

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

No, I don't think men and women are all different. I believe they have very much in common. I was merely pointing out (some of) the differences that do exist. :-)
No two people on this earth think, feel and act exactly the same way. There are differences of all kind. Some of them are typical differences between men and women.
This isn't necessarily a problem in a relationship... on the contrary, it's making the relationship more interesting, as people can learn from each other. If both are willing to do so, it's a wonderful enrichment to both of them.

About the miscommunication thing I can't tell very much. I know that I've encountered such situations myself, but I can't remember these right now. I don't think that it's a pure man-woman problem tho. People tend to misunderstand each other all the time, no matter what gender, nationality or religion they are. Blaming the existence or lack of a dong for it is definitely wrong.
I think miscommunication is part of why my parents divorced. They just didn't listen to each other's arguments anymore, which led to situations where one of them got sick of the discussion and would try to force something or just give up for the sake of 'peace'. This ultimately led to a very unfriendly atmosphere, where no one would even try to understand their partner's arguments. Sort of a vicious circle I guess.
This probably happens mostly to married people because the closer/longer two people live together, the harder it gets to handle any irreconcible differences. Who knows.

BTW, I have just learned why women always have cold hands. Supposedly they concentrate all their warmth in their tummy to protect the child. I don't know if this is the real/only reason, but isn't it sweet? :-)

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

PS, Orchid insists that the sauce story be true. Probably the two of you think different here. :-)
PPS, this is to confirm that men do have feelings, and that they like to hear sweet things from their beloved one.

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

I think there is a very good reason that men and women aren't alike. It is because that if they were, this planet would be a boring place. It is true what they say, "Opposites attract," and it couldn't be more true for men and women. If I dated someone that was my exact replica in female form, I'd get very bored quickly with them. This isn't because I don't like me, but because if someone is putting ideas in my head that are already my own, then it might as well be me.

When I'm tired of listening to myself talk, I want to talk to my girlfriend. No other man could tell me that "everything is going to be okay! I love you so much you know!" (at least I hope not). My own brain can't even give me that input, because if I worry, I can't reassure myself. It takes an outsider's soothing words to make me realize how silly I am being worried, and only women can satisfy this.

If you ask me, I'm thankful that men and women speak two different languages.

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

Hey, who did tell you that women have always cold hands?? That's not true at all. I know many women that have hot or warm hands, and I myself have warm hands all the time.
Does this mean that I come from another Planet?? Lol.
In Italy we use to say "Cold hands, sweet and warm heart". I don't think that is true either. I do believe that I have both hands and heart hot.
Ask my boyfriend whether my heart is sweet and warm or not :)

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

This post was edited by andromacha on Jul 14, 2002.

Hey, who did tell you that women have always cold hands?? That's not true at all.

Well it's just my personal experiences and what people tell. Ofcourse there are exceptions to that rule. I don't think it has much to do with your heart. :-)

Does this mean that I come from another Planet?? Lol.

Sure, all women come from another planet. :-P

[Fleeing to avoid gettng hit]

"*sigh* Some men are really hard to manipulate!" - Orchid

I know many women that have hot or warm hands, and I myself have warm hands all the time.

Maybe because you live in Italy, country with a warm climate?
I don't know many women with warm hands and feet...

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

I think men and women ARE in 90 percent of things totally different and if some would not speak to each other we could not get along with the other gender, just my opinion.

Nice greetings from Kos

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.