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Feb 24, 2006 04:47 # 42006
Tonight was the dreaded night to pack all my shit in preparation for my trip to Afghanistan. Reason I hate it so much is because normally 2 bags are all you should take but 2 bags never hold enough stuff. I am seriously thinking of taking 3 bags to alleviate the problems I am currently having but that just means 3 times more chances to get a bag lost during travel. I just can't afford the risk, I'd be screwed and I don't like that feeling, been there and done that and it's not fun, especially when you have a job to do.
So tomorrow I am gonna go to Virginia to visit with parents and friends before I leave. You know say goodbye and all that sappy crap. I just can't take the goodbyes, I don't know how to react to them. I suck at showing emotion in front of people. When serious shit happens I am all quiet, I don't have any words, I'm stunned and I give the outward appearance of *not caring* but that would be totally wrong, it's just that I don't know how to express those hard emotions.
I'm going to take so many pictures on this trip that it's just not going to be funny. My boss took 37,000 pictures in Afghanistan when he was there, I don't know if I'll reach that number but that is the goal. Haha...
When serious shit happens I am all quiet, I don't have any words, I'm stunned and I give the outward appearance of *not caring* but that would be totally wrong, it's just that I don't know how to express those hard emotions.
So there's two of us, eh? ;)
Good luck for your travel - come back healthy and all that. Dont wanna miss your sarcastic comments if you get hit by some suicide bomber.
beards are cool. every villain has one!
Take care of your self as you go. Stuff maybe a pain in the ass to lose, but it's all replaceable.
It's when someone gets lost that it's not ok.
I understand what you mean about saying goodby to people. It's hard to deal with, there really arn't words that can say what you need to in just a few quick words.
That kind of feels like having to make a choice among so many choices that are equally the same.
So in the end, you do the best to say in a few words what you can't.
And hope like crazy they can read your eyes and know your heart.
Be safe. Write when and where you can. I know you'll do that.
And in that place you'll find refuge from the craziness outside the door or window, which ever the case may be.
You don't go alone, because all the people that mean anything to you are there with you, even if they are thousands of miles away and across the ocean.
And you leave part of you here too. Your family carries you with them everyday your away.
Always will. That's part of what happens when your life becomes entertined with someone elses.
And in the end that's a good and rare thing.
Kind of like taking a hand full of dirt and finding diamonds as you brush the dirt away.
It's been awhile since we talked. And I'm not sure that it would have been a good thing to be able to keep up the conversations while I was completely falling apart.
I crashed and burned by the way, and survived. Changed but the stuff that's real is still there.
A fire to the soul, to bring out the strength inside...
Still doing the one thing I love more than any other. It's different now, but it's still the one thing I love.
That's when you know that the real stuff is always there, like a lighthouse that helps you find your way when night is falling and you know the road is uncertian.
Where your heart is.
It's not where you hang your hat.
It's not where you take off your shoes.
Or even where you pick colors for temporary walls.
It's where your heart feels most at peace.
And where you are free to fly inspite of anything
and everything around you.
That's where home really is.
Just a thought or two...
it's just that I don't know how to express those hard emotions.
At least you admit that ;) Many men don't.
Anyway: What's leading you to Afghanistan and for how long? Are you a photographer? Sorry, if I missed something. I wasn't really active reading NAO.
"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.