Reading MelMel's journal

So it appears my brain is a nasty thief. with all thats been happening (parental separation, ill grandparents, fathers girlfriends etc) i've ben feeling rather insane and unable to express myself. on one of my worse nights i finally cried myself to sleep and when i woke up my thoughts were collected and the bgeinnings of this poem flowed straight from me.

structure taken from the deligthful Kyle Bellamy, one of our resident poetic genius'. please check out and rate his poem Now I Know My ABCs if you like this structure.

As always, this has many flaws still, and this is why it's not in the poetry forum. namely i don't like E, M and X amongst a few other letters. work in progress. Also it's here in my journal, because, well, it's personal, and it's certainly a journalistic self reflection.

Arrange yourself to hide the sorrow
Arrange yourself to hide the flaws
Arrange yourself to store your anger
Arrange yourself for something more
Bind your heart so you can’t find it
Bind your heart so it can’t break
Bind yourself in cold embraces
Bind yourself in a mistake
Console a friend who’s lost their lover
Console a bird who’s lost their way
Console the face that’s in the mirror
Console yourself in your dismay
Drain the land so it is barren
Drain the water from the bowl
Drain your blood til you are hollow
Drain yourself so you are whole
Exonerate yourself from burdens
Exonerate and free your soul
Exonerate yourself from disgrace
Exonerate to gain control
Fill your days with empty boxes
Fill the boxes with your days
Fill yourself with hidden nothings
Fill yourself with leaves of May
Grasp onto the ones who love you
Grasp until you must let go
Grasp your hands on empty spaces
Grasp and hold to dull the blow
Hope that you won’t wake tomorrow
Hope it all has disappeared
Hope that you will find the answers
Hope that you can quell your fears
Innocently block the problem
Innocently close your eyes
Innocently see the damage
Innocently fake surprise
Justify to them your actions
Justify your rights aren’t wrong
Justify why you don’t want to
Justify where you belong
Keep the secrets locked inside you
Keep the flowers so they die
Keep a moment held forever
Keep it and your smile’s a lie
Listen to the voice behind you
Listen so you hear the roar
Listen to yourself here crying
Listen curled up on the floor
Multiply the cells inside you
Multiply the red and white
Multiply to solve the problem
Multiply to win the fight
Notice chaos all around you
Notice peace while it still lasts
Notice eyes locked onto nothing
Notice changes from the past
Obscure your pain so they can’t see it
Obscure the path to unseen bliss
Obscure yourself to be empty
Obscure yourself so you’re not missed
Perform a show for the curtain
Perform and play fantasies
Perform the prologue standing tall
Perform the end on your knees
Quickly run, don’t look behind you
Quickly rid yourself of blame
Quickly close your mind to anger
Quickly lock the door to games
Rescue someone frail and fragile
Rescue them before they fall
Rescue faith in something better
Rescue you and hear your call
Steal a sob from crying others
Steal a look you shouldn’t see
Steal a strand of silken pleasure
Steal the grief so they are free
Tell a secret so provoking
Tell it so they understand
Tell yourself it’s worth the effort
Tell no one your secret brand
Unadorned you stand before them
Unadorned you sob and weep
Unadorned you beg for silence
Unadorned you’re theirs to keep
Violently tear down the banners
Violently rain on parades
Violently they tore your heart out
Violently they’ll be repaid
Wipe your blame off from your conscience
Wipe yourself a brand new slate
Wipe it clean of all the anger
Wipe, don’t dwell on past mistakes
X-plain away your motivations
X-plain until your throat is hoarse
X-plain that you are more than humbled
X-plain that you’re filled with remorse
Yearn the day will soon be over
Yearn to stay and yearn to leave
Yearn to leave it all behind you
Yearn to get a sweet reprieve
Zero options all around me
Zero choices left to make
Zero time left now to save me
Zero life left now to take

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!