Reading rosyxxx's journal

I had the most wonderful experience last night and today, this evening as well. Last night, the opportunity to help a friend was healing for me as well. I felt so full of wonderful energy...and that after coming home from watching "Dave Chappelle's Block Party" with a friend. It was wonderful. And it was wonderful that I could be there for my friend. :-)

Today, I got up and finished sorting through some books. I worked with my crystals, and then got ready to leave for the meditation center. I meditate at home, so this was the first time to go and sit at the center. There is a Buddhist room, a Hindu room, and a room for St. Teresa. There is also a wonderful room upstairs with Reiki crystals everywhere! It was so lovely. And the personal meditation room was just such good energy.

When we sat down to meditate, I thought about meditating with my focus on Ganesha, the Hindu elephant god, the remover of obstacles. But then, my friend who was with me, pointed out the large statue of Kuan Yin in the Buddhist room. I sat with her. I sat and cried. The energy was so strong. She is the female version of Avelokiteshvara. "She who hears the cries of the world, the laughter and the tears." I sat with her, and my mind was just racing, until finally a thought in my head said: "Just listen, stop." And I could swear I heard a smile cracking wide.

When I got up to leave, I was headed over to my friend's house, but this guy who was at the center asked about my car. When I told him that it was supposed to go back to the shop again, he started asking questions. Questions I can't remember. He admitted to being a mechanic, and also an Energetic healer. He asked if something had happened to me recently that really hurt me. I said yes. Someone almost raped me, and I can't seem to let it go, and it's getting all tied up with so many other things from my past, and I've been very sick. I said I had forgiven the man, but apparently not myself.

He sat with me perched on the edge of my car seat. He sat on the pavement, and worked with me through my chakras. At first I bawled like a baby, and then I began to laugh. When I got to the sacral chakra, it felt as if something kicked from the inside. It was so beautiful. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. He told me that I should rest for the day, and drink lots of water, because I could feel later like a truck had hit me. He said I really should rest, and gave me the biggest hug. he said that what had transpired could even start to restructure my DNA. And all I was thinking, was I want to be healed. No more viruses. No more illness. Without even thinking, I reached out my hand to give him my favorite 'worry stone'. It is a beautiful piece of agate, glowing white on the top, with brown and gold striations in concentric circles on the edge. So beautiful. So soothing. I will miss it, but it is in good hands now. Hands that have helped to heal me.

The exchange of energy was even. Something so precious to me....like giving Ashley that clear quartz crystal bed when she did the Reiki/crystal healing.

I can't help thinking that these are the kinds of experiences that Thomas Ashley-Farrand talks about in his books on mantras and chanting. When the student is ready, the teacher shall appear...I've heard that before, from a teacher who was an egoist and bad news, but still had something to share. I prefer teachers who aren't egoists, but we can't have everything. At least, though, this last person was kind and generous, and warm and unassuming. He expected nothing in return. He just gave from his heart. That's so nice. It makes me smile still.

Between myself, my family, others who care, my friends Moon, Ashley, Shelley, Dan and this guy I feel so much more at peace. Things will work out. The tension will ease. The rent will get reduced. The bills will no longer be insurmountable. My health will be vibrant, and I will heal. I want it more than anything. More than even my books. :-)And I want to pass that kind of love on. Love feels so much better than hate. I know that life will not just stop being difficult, but at least I will be able to handle it better. And it will be easier to handle smaller inconveniences without illness constantly lurking at my door. I don't want to be sick anymore. I want to be well. I want to be able to take care of myself without needing constant help. And I know now that I will give back in return for that gift without even thinking about it. The way it feels to give, even when you think you don't have it inside to give is so much better than the fear that you will lose everything if you let go.

I wonder if situations that could be turned to hate keep coming up just to show me that I have a choice, and it does matter. And everything I've been through allows me to understand other's pain that much better. It is pushing me to become a more compassionate soul. I keep trying. I won't give up. Even when I seem not to care, I am trying to...

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Mar 13, 2006.