Reading Funny Stuff

Kay. Um, I was back at work and had two rather interesting incidents. One was when this guy asked me to show him my asshole. I said: "What's in it for me?" He said: "I'll show you whats in it later, heh." Alright I set myself up for that one. But I figured what the hell, and I flashed him. It's just my asshole. Who cares. It's not like he was touching it.

But he said he wanted me to leave the club with him. And I explained right back how I was one of the 'conscientious strippers' who likes her job too much to just take off and disappear. He asked me if I knew who he was...I said no. He looked incredulous [trans. for weak English speakers: 'surprised']. I said: "Dude, I am an eccentric stripper who sells yarn during the daytime, and I have no TV, so if you're a celebrity, I wouldn't know...but it doesn't matter to me anyway. I do like your cologne though." He laughed and said: "Do you know Linkin' Park?" I said "Really?" The DJ confirmed it for me. They weren't lying. The dude was the lead singer of Linkin' Park. And the guy sang for me at stage, and he had a really beautiful voice.

But it did kinda bother me that he'd let fame get to him so much that he figured any stripper would want to fuck him just because of who he was...that's not me at all. I'm not a groupie. I wasn't insulted. Just disappointed. I guess I expected him to be a better person. Well, that's what 'expectations' get you. Disappointment.

But still the whole conversation about anal sex was hilarious. In the interest of kiddies underage I won't post it. I think this was risque enough. Suffice it to say, I met the lead singer from Linkin' Park and I was naked while I spoke to him. How many of y'all can say that? Just kidding. ;P

So, moving on, later this totally different dude grabbed my cookie, and I don't mean my Girl Scout Samoa cookie. I told him that there were better ways of grasping at happiness than trying to take a stripper's good mood away for yourself by touching her cooch. I wanted to tell him that he didn't know where that cooch had been, but I refrained. I just told him that he was a bad boy and should be ashamed of himself. Then I visualized myself sprinkling Anti- Monkey Butt Powder on his head.

You see, up in the DJ booth tonight there was this can of Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. I thought it was a gag thing, but apparently it is marketed on convenience store shelves for truckers. "Monkey Butt" is what happens when you sit for 16 hours straight and sweat while doing it. Ew. But I was thinking at the time that this dude touched my cookie that he was a real "monkey's ass". And so, I figured that it would be really gratifying to sprinkle his head with Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. It made me laugh. It might not make you laugh, but it made me laugh. Therefore I have placed this lengthy story about Anti- Monkey Butt Powder in the Forum for Hilarious things. That means "funny things" for those who never crack a dictionary and hate me because I do. Don't hate on me because I have a vocabulary and you don't. I get that often enough at work, I don't need it here. If you hate on me for that, I might just sprinkle you with Anti- Monkey Butt Powder. See?

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?