Reading Love and Lifesense

Short version, if you are pressed for time: Do not use your status as a healer to get a date.

Longer version:

Have you ever had a really beautiful experience, not focused on anything but the beauty of the world, and life, and somebody who is letting their hormones get the better of them, comes along and basically does the harmonic equivalent of banging a piano while someone is playing the harp very quietly?

I've done it. I've ruined the moment with people, trying to convince them that they need to be with me, that they need to be my man, my girl...whatever. I just have to say, it is really profoundly annoying when you are on the receiving end of it. I've BEEN on the receiving end of that stuff time and time again. It gets old. It pretty much tends to cement the idea in my mind that I have absolutely, positively no interest whatsoever in any immediate future, far future, or eternal romantic relationship with that person ever.

It's really crappy to try to turn a healing situation into a romantic one, when it just does not fit. I just wanna say, stop thinking with your dick or your clit. Think with your heart. Your heart will probably tell you that inviting this person, namely me, to a Reiki share for hands-on-healing, after being kind enough to do an impromptu healing in the parking lot of a bank...is a good thing. But don't fuck it up by trying to "get" with me afterwards. Don't try to get all philosophical about life and talk about how a person wouldn't know if something good came along in their lives, if they've been used to misery. Don't try to pretend that you were only speaking in vague terms, either. It's painfully obvious what you want, when the person, myself, says that they aren't drawn to misery anymore...and you say they are, because look at what just transpired that you had to heal. A potential rape.

That is a dead, dead giveaway that you've decided to chalk up this person's, my, lack of interest in a relationship other than friendship, to fear from past bad experiences. I won't deny that that fear isn't there, in tiny amounts...but it's not the real issue. The real issue is: I don't want an intimate relationship right now, with anyone, neither male nor female, not him or anyone. I've stated as much, VERY CLEARLY. Period.

Why would you want to even mildly invade someone's personal boundaries like that, after helping to heal them from a very serious invasion of their boundaries.

It comes down, I guess, to exactly what I said to him earlier: Don't rest on your laurels. He really needs to stop and think this one through. It's pretty darn clear that he was hoping that he would get a relationship in return for his healing. But that's not in the plan. This kind of healing isn't supposed to be about getting what you want, it's about getting what you need. I am grateful for the healing, I'd love to come back and do the Reiki shares.......but I do not want to hear anymore of this cajoling, draining conversational stuff, designed to try to lure me into a relationship. It's only succeeded in irritating me. And making me shake my head.

And on top of it, when I just simply said I didn't want to argue all of these philosophical points because I had to go....and now I'm so late for work that I can't go in tonight and will have to wait until tomorrow...it isn't cool at all to just climb out of my car after I gave you a ride to yours, saying: "It's been real", and just slam my door. Wow. That really makes me definitely sure I made the right decision in January not to have ANY physical relationships until next year.

And what's one year? If you can't wait, you aren't the person for me. Besides the reality of the fact that I do NOT feel the same attraction for you that you do for me. I'm not interested. Stop trying to change my mind. You are crossing my boundaries. If you can't enjoy my presence without trying to manipulate me into a relationship I've already said I don't want...well then. There are plenty of other people I can learn and receive Reiki from who won't do that to me.

Note to self: If you ever offer to heal someone free of charge with Reiki, do not expect anything in return. Least of all the chance at a relationship. You are owed nothing but the pleasure of knowing that you healed someone. And if they give their prized piece of Botswana agate as a thank you, and a piece of citrine as a thank you, and several non-sexual hugs as a thank you, and participate in a Reiki healing for YOU....count yourself blessed, and shut up about dating issues.

Um. I guess I'm a little pissed maybe. I think I'm going to go meditate, and try to get back into a grateful space for the gift of healing that I've received. Sometimes people come into your life and do good things, but they aren't meant to stay. The Indian shaman I met five years ago, did the same darn thing. He started out caring about me as a friend, and then decided that he'd probably like me as a girlfriend. *shakes head* I had to leave. And that time, I just gave up on that sort of healing. This time I won't, even though I know it's the same scenario going on. I think that is plainly the case here.

This kind of stuff is notorious for happening in the spiritual and religious sphere. Yogi Amrit Desai, for one, breached ethical boundaries with his Kripalu Yoga Center in Massachusetts. He was asked to leave the very center he created, because he let his dick get too big for his pants. When you keep telling someone that you are strongly attracted to them, after they've said they're not interested, you are messing up. Too many people get filled with more than the 'spirit', and don't try to stop it from happening. He wasn't the first person to do that, and probably won't be the last. It happens. I know this guy is human, but so am I. And he's pissing me off. I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but if the bathwater gets any murkier, it's got to go.

A small part of me thinks that I should only seek out female Reiki practitioners, who aren't gay, so that there won't be any misunderstandings. I need a healing atmosphere. NOT a sexually-charged one. Granted, he could prove me wrong, and start thinking with the larger of his two brains again. If he does, then he can be my friend. If not, then I'm walking. Good luck to him, and thanks for the Reiki!

If mountain goats like living at high elevations, why do none live in high rise apartment buildings?

This post was edited by rosyxxx on Mar 18, 2006.