Reading What Sucks

AHHHH finally a place where I can vent. Guys I am really looking forward to some input from you on this topic, especially the married guys. Can a guy really carry on a relationship (mostly sexual) with a girl for two years if he does not feel anything for her? Keep in mind that he is married and I love him more than anything. There was a time I thought he cared for me now I am not so sure. We used to talk everyday and now I am lucky if we talk once every two weeks. When should I know for sure to count my losses???

I'm not a married guy for two years, but I think communication is a serious factor in your relationship. I think if you find a way to relate to him like you did before, then you will find yourself being more sexual just as a side effect of getting along better.

Make a point to do something fun like go to the movies. Date like you did when you were first getting to know each other. Don't lose sight of the things that you two love about each other. If you love him, then you should try to get him to talk. If you keep putting it off, the awkwardness will just grow and nothing good can come from it.

If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done

Can a guy really carry on a relationship (mostly sexual) with a girl for two years if he does not feel anything for her?

I'd say the answer depends on what kind of guy he is and the exact circumstances. I think the more important question is, do you really want to know the answer? If yes, I suggest you ask him - and don't let him go until you get an honest answer.

Consider yourself hugged.

Maybe I am a little drubk !!! I am not completely sure who is asking this question. The girl the married guy has been involved with sexually for the past 2 years ? Well ! I have been married for almost a year now, and I can tell you something. Married guys like to F@#k ! And they don't like to f@#k their wives !! In some weird strange genetic, almost primordial sense they seek challenge. Marriage takes away that whole "hunting the prey" fun away from the game of sex. The second factor is that marriage is really difficult. Emotionally, it is quite traumatic. In general, guys don't like losing and are non-confrontational. Sex outside marriage seems like a excellent adventure sport along with being the easy way out. If you are getting laid outside the marriage, it makes it so much easier to simply ignore the marriage, and maybe even like it. As far as morality and ethics are concerned, they really have very little weighage in out "logical" minds.

Can a guy really carry on a relationship (mostly sexual) with a girl for two years if he does not feel anything for her? Yes. A guy and only a guy can. The relationship is nothing more than what you have perceived it to be - sexual. Period. And given the fact that your conversations are drying up indicates that he is getting ready to move on...

I hope I understood the question. And I am sorry. Anyway, this is just my personal opinion.

In some weird strange genetic, almost primordial sense they seek challenge. Marriage takes away that whole "hunting the prey" fun away from the game of sex.

That sounds a bit misandric to me. I am sorry that you may have had some bad experiences, but men are not (all) mindless, instinctual creatures purely bent on having as much sex as possible.
Hell, some might even be open to establishing a clearly bound relationship (that is not a marriage).
But perhaps that's just my male reproductive organ speaking...

In general, guys don't like losing and are non-confrontational.

Women do like losing? In a perfectly sexist (masculinity v.s. femininity) world, that could create some balance.

Can a guy really carry on a relationship (mostly sexual) with a girl for two years if he does not feel anything for her? Yes. A guy and only a guy can.

Tell that to Anna Nicole Smith. Seriously though, where are you getting your material?
I hope you will have more luck selecting a partner in the future.

When your every move is monitored, you won't see me.

This post was edited by oKtosiTe on Oct 10, 2007.

That sounds a bit misandric to me.

I don't think so. From the top of my head I remember three friends of mine, who are in happy, fulfilling relationships and still have remarked to me that they miss being "on the hunt". It's not about wanting sexual partners for them, it's that going out "hunting" used to be such a large and exciting part of their lives.

On the other hand, most men I know completely lose their desire to go on the hunt as soon as they're in a relationship. My theory is that it depends on whether meeting and dating women is a scary process for you (so you're happy when you make it into a relationship and don't have to deal with it anymore), or whether you find it fun and exciting.

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

Thanks for balancing that out, Jaz! Sharp.

When your every move is monitored, you won't see me.

Thanks for the reply, the truth is I should have let him go a long time ago. I did what you advised I asked him. I asked him what we were. His response which threw me back a bit was this..."we are the perfect situation, and just what one another needs. you will never be able to find two members of the opposite sex who get along, relate to one another, and to be able to have the conversations that we have" WTF

So how is it going ? If you are not seeing him, I think you will have to slowly pick up the pieces and move on... If you are still seeing him, you might be struck in this dilemma for a while. Anyway, nobody said life was easy.

No life is not easy and that is the beauty and the fun of all of it. But, your post was awesome. You can't just walk up to someone and say "you know I am having sex with a married man, help" yea that would make me look really bad. The things you wrote gave me a new perspective, I don't want to be the easy way out of his situation. Granted I have never been married so I can't say from experience, but I would say that it could not be easy.

To my defense, I did not realize he was married until after we had been seeing one another for a while. To answer your question, yes I am still seeing him, more now than when I made the first post. He is now blaming our lack of communication on his recent career change.

Since him I have gained a confidence about myself that I have never had, I have lost weight, and changed a lot of different things about myself. He is sort of affiliated with my work, and I work with all men except for four other women. His new thing now is that I am going to find someone at work and forget about him. (I wonder if he forgets about me when he goes home to his wife!!!!!!!) He has seen me talking to different people and is getting jealous, which is new, it is usually the other way around.

Your right, I think I will be dealing with this for a really long time. I am slowly getting over the whole situation, as weird as that sounds I have to do that my way and I will not be able to do it just walking away from him. I do not make it as easy for him to have time with me as I used to. We are playing the game on my terms. The hardest thing about this is going to be losing my comfort zone, which is with him. He has helped me thru a lot of rough things that have happened. He has been a leaning post for me for a while; when he said we were the perfect situation that is because for over two years not we have gone to each other for someone to talk to.

So I have made this long enough. Thanks for the advice and insight.