Reading Love and Lifesense

I've loved HIM since I was 15...he was my very first date (not boyfriend, but out in a car date). He left me and reunited back with his old girlfriend - I've never been so hurt by a guy. This affected me more than any other break-up in my life. He left by just vanishing, and having one of his friends tell me about 2 weeks later. I was crushed.

Four years later I am dating a new man (Jim) who I am serious about. I'm at a party with a friend and then I see HIM back from the service. HE tells me he never stopped thinking about me and was so sorry. We kiss and snuggle. I'm elated and confused.

HE calls me a *few* times (read the asteriks*). He doesn't call enough, but then again even if he did I'm confused...I'm dating Jim who is good to me and I love him. After days of not calling, when I do get a call I tell him I'm dating another man that is a better fit for me. I'm happy I hurt him like he hurt me.

A year or less later I go to a party that an old and dear friend is holding. HE and she are dating!!! This friend always did like to date boys I've dated, and hurt me in the past over this. I see him at the party and he is VERY rude to me - goes out of his way to be nasty. I give it back a bit, and end up hurting the relationship between me and my friend.

****In the meantime, My parents tell me that when HE was back into my life (a year or more prior) they hid the fact he was calling me so much. They never gave me the messages. They wanted me to stay with the man I was dating.****

HE and my friend get serious, and Jim and I get serious. When we all meet up he is outwardly rude to Jim each and every time. My friend and I grow apart even more.

HE and she get married, Jim and I get married. Families and babies.

Fast forward years later. My friend and I get friendly again. I move back to my old hometown. HE and I are civil, HE is better to Jim.

Now here's the juicy part: He opens a business, and I am working there with HIM. I've been there 2 weeks. At first he is talkjative to me when the other employee leaves. Buys me coffees, seems elated. I am thrilled deep down, my love for him has never died. I would never do anything about it though. Then, week 2 he is a different person....not talking much to me, more distant.

I just want to know...is he still interested? Or is it in my mind? If he once was, did he lose interest? Hot one week, cold the other. I don't get it.

I can't stop thinking about him:(

Iam very sorry 4 u. But belive me u will be happy in da future

so dark the CON of man

I don't know where you're from, but in small town New England, we get crazy, mixed-up, goofy shit like this happening all the time.
That's quite a sticky situation.

It's the marriage thing that's fucking-up everything. Imagine if you all lived in the same apartment, and the guys both knew your exact feelings for both of them, what do you think would change.
Alot, I'm sure. But think of it like Survivor. Who, ultimately would get voted off first? You? Her? Him?

I'm not sure where that's going, exactly, but I was saying that marriage, and it's rules can fuck-up shit.
Personally, I'm all about wife-swapping and that bit, so my moralities, might not be the same as yours.
The question is very simple: are both of these men, and the other woman people that you want to have in your life? If it's yes, then make that a priority, and work for that goal. }];-}-
Be someone that has standards and morality...even if it is a little left of the centre.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

Yup - from a little town in New England:)
Thank you for helping me.
Now it's still awkward at work. When the other coworker is around he acts so normal, and then I do too! It is more comfortable. Yet, when we are alone he talks a lot to me - talks softer than usual. We seem to have a tension that sets me into a spin again! Uncomfortable, yes. Does it bring me back to those feelings of first love? Yes!

I would never act on these feelings. I guess I just want to know, is he interested or just being friendly? Why do I care or even want to know this? I don't know, I just don't know. But I do........

I'm thinking of him all of the time...I can't sleep, I can't focus. I can't stop listening to music...I'm going crazy.

He seemed to be interested, I didn't reciprocate and now he seems neutral.

This feeling seems overpowering - I'm a hypocrit going to church...what's wrong with me?

A friend of my gf was in such situation. She almost went for her older love, but she stopped and said to herself - "you have a decent relationship already with one guy. Why take a risk and dig in the past? You might end up alone" so she did not go back to the guy she knew from childhood, because she was happy with her current.

If you do not feel goot with jim, you can always take a risk. But i doubt it would be successful. Your past love is different now. He changed as everyone does. You might be dissapointed in yourself.

But that's just me and i could be wrong.

you can always try to asess the situation, before taking rash actions.get to know him better, as a friend first.

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

This post was edited by yoshi314 on May 28, 2006.

Yoshi,
Thank you for your advice. I don't know why I feel this decision is urgent....maybe because I'm wasting my life in a dreamworld while this is all going on.

Would it be enough to just know if he still has feelings for me or not? I don't know...

I'm goin crazy I'm losing sleep,
I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep.
Over you....you'll always be the one.

Remember after the Fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame..

I am unable to sleep and I feel like I'm going crazy...